Friday Ramblings...

119 degrees on the rear-view mirror thermostat yesterday. Then comes this dust storm. Today we are cooler at 95 degrees.

When things are most difficult - don't give up. Keep going. Keep praying. Keep trusting. A boy becomes a man not because his voice gets deeper. A boy becomes a man when to the degree that he discovers the value of self sacrifice for the sake of another.

A good man becomes a better man if he is heading in the direction of self sacrifice for the sake of another.

Pay attention to the atmosphere around you. Watch the horizon for the coming storms. If we are aware we can better secure our home and protect our loved ones. Prayer gives us sight. Pride blinds us. I know you who read this blog already know all this stuff. So do I. It is good to be reminded - yes? Thank you to all the men who have been and are examples to me of self sacrifice in action - for the sake of another. Please continue - it matters more than you might think. mjp

Good father / Better father

These guys are growing up. Now they are 15, 11, and they have a little sister who is 5...

I talk about the importance of prayer.

I sing prayers.

I believe it is a good thing to do.

But really I do not pray enough.

The kind of father I am is not the best kind of father I could be. I'm too quick to react and not quick enough to listen and respond.

How about you?

A wise man told me recently that someone has to "Be the brick wall" when it comes to setting boundaries for a teenager. I agree but am too quick to add barbed wire at the top to keep anyone from trying to climb over!

Yeah maybe I'm taking this analogy a bit too far, but I DO notice I am able to listen better when I have taken time to pray. I could shrug off the need to change and say "I'm a good father" but I want to be better. A thought that came to my wife back when she was still pregnant with our first son: She was telling Jesus how she wanted to be a good mom when she heard him answer: "Don't pray to be a good mom; pray to be a holy mom - then you will be a good one." Something along those lines. It fits for us fathers, too. It all starts with prayer...

Life and Death

The unwed mother-to-be said she wanted to abort. The father pleaded with her to reconsider. The grandparents offered $10,000 to her if she would spare the life of their unborn grandchild. Prayers were posted online and within 15 minutes two families had emailed asking if they could please adopt this baby. She knew all this yet still chose to abort.

A flower meant to blossom on earth will now only be seen in Heaven.

The father named his child 'Gabriel'.

True story. I know everyone in it but the mother and Gabriel - we never had the chance to meet.

I am hoping to write a song in honor of Gabriel's memory even as I pray and ask you to pray for the young mother who let a confused culture persuade her that a 'problem' was being solved. She will need many prayers to begin the long path of healing and forgiveness. Both are hers for the asking. That is what mercy is for...

We do not give up speaking for those who have no voice. We do not stop making a place in our hearts and in our culture where new life is welcomed and given a chance to grow, unfold, and add beauty to our world.

All of your potential on this earth will be missed little Gabriel. We will not let the world pretend your life did not matter - it mattered very much to us.

You young men be chaste. As you can see it really is a matter of life and death.

In honor of our Veterans

Wow. I was sitting in my truck this morning and one block ahead I see flags, soldiers, children, and a marching band moving across the intersection. How great is that?

I have not written in a couple months (and neither have YOU!) so there is much to share. Of course I will do this bit by bit over the next few weeks. I offer no excuses here - just good solid reasons for being a little absent from this blog.

Busy serving, discerning, living... you know, being a husband and father, plus home and mobile home upkeep, travel, and tons of other things.

More observations, more insight from conversation with other men. Dads, Priests, Single, Divorced, Married, Separated, Soldiers, Officers, and Civilians like me.

Any of us who have fought the fight of every man, the fight to remain pure, the decision to keep our promises as we live our vows, to remain faithful, the commitment to walk forward on the path of holiness...

I salute you all.

Soldiers who depend totally on uniform or title to gloss over a lack of integrity actually dishonor the uniform and title. Soldiers who are doing everything they can to keep family together, keep their hearts open to God, maintain some kind of balance in an unbalanced world, and still foster hope within are some of the most valiant people I have ever met.

Today we hold up the men and women who have served in the armed forces. I recently offered music and stories to the families at Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany. Wish I had a few hours to write about all that I observed.

For instance, I noticed something about military families; they are well aware of the reality of battle and it helps them avoid much of the small-talk gossip that poisons other communities. Yes, it is still there, but to a much lesser degree than I've seen in some areas of civilian culture.

One story of the ongoing battle for most of us men: During a visit to Langley AFB in Virginia, I am driving the rental car to my hotel when a big wave of temptation knocks me upside the head. I shake my head and think how weird it is to have that happen so suddenly and with such force. It alerts me to proceed carefully.

I open the door to my room and there atop the TV is a sign that reads something like: "This TV offers bad movies. To block access to these bad movies, you must call the front desk and request that they be blocked." So I called the front desk and said, "What a stupid temptation to have such movies available! Please block them."

Victory won! Wow that was easy. No... wait a second... what's this? Hmmmm looks like someone left a triple X DVD (bad movie) in here and room service did not find it.

I hold the triple X DVD in my hand for one dark moment then I take it out to the balcony, drop it onto the concrete ledge and, stepping on it, grind it back and forth into oblivion.

Bigger victory! I almost want to keep the pulverized DVD as a sort of war trophy but some filth is so disgusting it just needs to be buried.

How goes your battle, men? Be strong. Be faithful. Be genuine. And to those of you who have already fought in a war, you are in the thoughts and prayers of many men and women around the world. Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for encouraging me and others to fight the good fight and never give up.

For my daughter

This little gift from God turns 4 September 14th.
I pray today for the young man who could be her future spouse.
I pray his parents or guardians will have strong convictions
- and if they don't, I pray he will.

I pray she will be spared hurt from young men who
misuse and abuse young women while imagining
such behavior proves 'manhood'. It does nothing of the sort.

This little girl deserves to be honored, respected,
cherished.

EVERY little girl deserves that much.

You fathers or fathers-to-be join me in drilling this into our sons.
A man is respectful toward all women - most especially toward the women in his life.
Amen!

Happy Birthday my daughter, Papa loves you!

Strength

A lot of strength in this old tree. Think of the roots system and how far it stretches below the surface. It helps to be planted so close to water. How about you? Is your strength all above the surface? Are you planted near water? Are you remembering to drink? Not from the poisoned wells of our culture - but from the life giving well of faith.

The last two days I've made an effort to spend a few minutes here or there in prayer. Different kinds of prayer. It helps me keep my balance. It helps me fight temptation.

Flying home from a faith-filled pilgrimage to Lourdes, France, I was seated behind some guy (not a fellow pilgrim!) who chose to watch a very explicit film on the screen built into the headrest. I guess France Airlines allows for such films. I wish I could say I kept my eyes turned away once I saw what it was about - but I did not. Not good. I was shocked that such a film was viewable on an airline!

I kept looking behind and across the aisle to see if my sons were glancing up at this same screen and I was glad they were unaware. Wish I had looked away - and I did at least once or twice... but I kept glancing back. I need to remember where my strength comes from and to turn to that source in times of temptation. So do you... if you want to be truly strong.

Happy Father's Day

This is the first time I'm posting from my phone and I'm blown away that it works! Modern technology amazes me sometimes. We are at JFK airport about to check in for a flight to Lourdes, France. I'll post to a "Twitter" account from there until we return after June 29th. Happy Father's day to all you Dad's. For those who have told me they have regrets I say it is never too late or your children are never too old for you to speak the words you wish you'd said when they were younger. Never too old. God bless the men who gave us solid examples and lived what they claimed to believe. You make all the difference in the world.

New Comment and thoughts

Here's most of a comment left recently:
"I just had the pleasure to meet Michael while traveling through Great Barrington, MA. Mike and I along with the convenience store clerk where we were buying fuel for our vehicles shared life.

Amongst us, we are blessed with 12 children and one grandchild. Six boys and seven girls. Ages 23yrs. - 2yrs. The special place they each have in our hearts. Our hopes and dreams for their accomplishments. But most importantly, our desire to be the best fathers we can be.

I would like to thank you Mike for sharing the vision of Grow the Heart of a Man. You have my promise to share the vision.

As for a word of wisdom; as our boys become young men and discover the wonder of young ladies, let us teach them to appreciate the differences. The difference in thinking and emotion. The difference in how they love, care and share.

But most importantly, we should teach our sons and other young men when they are ready, to seek a mate, to let the Father send them someone who they are equally yoked with.

A similar value system. A similar faith walk. To consider if this young lady were to change absolutely nothing about her self, could he love and commit to her for a lifetime. This is a truly great gift we could share.

I look forward to spending time here again. Thank you Michael. May the Father bless you as you and your family travel.

Thank YOU for the comment. And to all the men I gave cards to this past month alone: in Andover, MA, Lawrence, MA, Cornwall Bridge, CT, New Milford, CT (and tomorrow, Ohio) , I'm serious about gathering your wisdom. I am still adamant about screening for obnoxious comments - you will never have to sift through garbage to get to the gold here. The "Husband Song" humor is about as wild as it gets other than challenging men to BE the best husbands, fathers, priests, deacons, brothers, and sons they can be. More to come as time allows.

Husband's Song (Humor!)

Disclaimer:
Sometimes you gotta laugh!
Skip this if you're too serious - it is meant for husband's.
You married men have to get a laugh out of some if not all.
I have no idea who sent this to me but it is worth a view.

Click on HUSBAND'S SONG to view. Enjoy!

By What Power?

One of my sons said they want to have big muscles.
"Cool. Keep in mind big muscles don't make you a strong man."

Check out the ship above.
For all the wood, rope and metal..
This boat can't go anywhere without the wind.

You are a strong man when you live humility.
You are a strong man when you honor and respect your wife.
You get stronger as you learn to pray from the heart.

Muscles are cool - but don't worship them.
I admire the men who lay down their lives for their congregations
or their families.

Be strong in faith first.
Don't worship the body;
worship the God who formed our bodies out of dust.

Amen.

Keep that wisdom coming

Don't just read my postings here - please add your own wisdom, insights, and advice. The more the better. Still I keep that tight control so if there are any odd ones (and yes, there have been) I just hit delete so you don't have to.

Huge plane. To think that such a slight movement of the rudder can direct this puppy to a whole new destination.
My secret thoughts are like a rudder that move me in one direction or another. In my younger days I made no effort to stop impure thoughts and they led me further and further away from the possibility of a truly happy family life. Thanks be to God we men really can live lives of purity and authenticity.

For the sake of those still not familiar with how a blog works, I will post the last couple of comments. Thank you men for adding to this blog - I'll say it again - it cannot be all me all the time. Thanks for your help.

Here is another comment from Paul:

I too was exposed to pornography along with most of the other young boys in my neighborhood. We were between the ages of 7 and 10. So some of us were very young and we had no clues what sex was nor the proper words, we did have the photos though. This set me up for a distorted awareness of sex called properly lust. It caused me a great deal of pain and hurt all of my relationships with girls and young women as I burned to fulfill the lust before marriage and before establishing emotional intimacy. It took a long time before I heard a man deal honestly with masturbation and encourage us to purity.

I can tell you that distortions of so called soft porn like Playboy do set young men off on the wrong relationships to them selves and others in sexuality. The only way to effective deal with lust is to call it what it is and go in prayer to Jesus and participate in the sacrament of reconciliation. I did not have to become chaste before I was able to receive the grace of confession. It is medicine for the journey to become holy.

Don't wait just go tell father what you are involved with and get the grace you need in you battle for control of your eyes and emotions.

Thanks Paul. I just want to add a comment regarding the magazine thing. At 11 years when I looked at the cover of a Playboy and read the words 'entertainment for men' it made think that it meant I was grown up to look at the images inside. KIDS! DON'T believe that lie! It does NOT mean you are looking at something that makes you more grown up! It means you are looking at something that keeps you from growing up into a truly healthy man. There. I said it. The lie is right in the very name! PlayBOY not PlayMAN but either way - such magazines (or web bookmarks) are only looked at by guys weak enough to be easily misled or confused. If that last comment bugs you young kids (or kids in a grown up body) I'm glad. It is time for you to grow a moral backbone! It can be done.

Okay. Next I am posting a comment from an Oregon man:

I am a 53 year old man. When I was a boy it was common place in my town in Oregon and in my family to tell jokes about black people. We did not think much about why we did this. We just thought it was funny and harmless. I had never physically met a black person.

There was no history of a problem between my parents or grandparents and black people that I had been told. We were just free to speak and think about them in this way. We used names to refer to black people that were derogatory and demeaning. They were despicable words. Perhaps we felt superior or powerful by doing this but mostly we just felt ignorant freedom in behaving this way. I did not direct these jokes to a real person after all.

Then an African American girl whose family were poor migrant workers came to town and she joined our 6th grade class. Her name was Isabell. For the first time in my life I knew shame. I felt the shame of all those evil hearted words that had been shared among the people in my sheltered world that I felt were somehow known to this innocent girl. I learned that by participating in the attitude of prejudice, I was contributing to the very real actions of prejudice perpetrated against people of color at the time.

The young MAN in me wanted to protect her from this ongoing attitude in society at the time.

I wanted to be her friend.


Of course today we all are a bit better a relating to each other and at least we no longer openly express such blatant racial prejudice without suffering the criticism of our society. But for me personally, after 23 years of education and another 23 years of professional life during which time I have been lucky to work and live with people of all races, I still feel the guilt and vulnerability of how my soul was spoiled by those mindless actions of my youth.


My point of this story is for the comparison of how we men today are still allowed to think of and treat women in our society. In our minds and in our words and in our actions we behave with unbridled freedom to view women as sexual objects. We treat them as less intelligent or otherwise less capable than men, or we simply ignore their right to equality and pay them less anyway or deny them equally responsible jobs. Most of us do this quietly or without thinking much about it as there is no consequence for doing so.

Even the men who are blatantly arrogant toward women we somehow treat as funny or even more manly. It is no surprise how we men have been drug into this distorted view of women given the constant bombardment of unreal images of women and relationships based on sex that are portrayed in the media. We see these images every 12 seconds or so.

But there are no women who wish for this image, for this treatment, for this victimizing prejudice. So far they still have to put up with it because men allow it to happen. But a real man can find the right images in Matthew 1 verse 18-22 where God tells Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, to take Mary for his wife with no expectation of physical reward but rather to protect her and be a servant to her for the greater glory of God's plan.

That takes a real man to step up to to those expectations. Similarly the image of Saul in Acts 9, the big mouth persecuting Pharisee that no one was willing to stop, who was admired for his zealous behavior, had to be struck down by God and humbled so that latter he could teach us men the right way to think and act as he did in Phillipians 4, 8.

To be a real man we have to stand up for the right thing even when the majority of people in our society don't yet get it. So my advice as a father is to admit that I have been ignorantly and sometimes willingly guilty of perpetuating a hurtful image of women and that I need to be the model for my sons to learn from. I need to openly teach them about the traps of wrong ways of thinking about women. We men must teach our sons and daughters that a man's obligation is to raise women up in society, not contribute to holding them down.

Right on - and thank you for being an example of conversion. Where are we without the chance to change our hearts? Nowhere. This last comment stirs a memory for me - but being on the road full time - I am out of time right now.
I'll post again when I can. Meanwhile - Keep that wisdom coming!

Thanks!
Michael

Lead By Example

Dads be sure you are living a pure life.

Any allowance for the sins of lust must be eradicated.

Your sons and daughters are watching, your God is watching, and, yes, your heart continues to be formed.

Did I already write about the man who sat next to me telling me casually about how, at the age of 13 or 14, he had stumbled upon his father's stash of pornography?

I stopped him from skimming over this statement as if it was no big deal. I told him it certainly was a huge deal! No mistake about it.

I asked something like: "So at that impressionable and very critical time of development you added the habit of looking at porn as something that a man (your father) does? He said, "yeah, I guess so."

And did I already tell you this man was in the process of leaving his wife and children because they "got in the way" of the lifestyle he wanted? He chose to leave his family to pursue his addiction to this sin.

I tell the teens I speak to (clasping my two hands together) "Here is authentic manhood and here is purity. The two are always together. If they are not yet together, the heart of a real man is making every effort to bring them together. There is no in between. Toss out the gazillion lies you've heard from our sex-hyped media and walk in the direction of purity.
Teen boys listen up: Chances are you are being bombarded with images coming over your phone, the web, TV, movies, etc. If you think looking at porn somehow means your are becoming more of a man; think again. Porn makes men sick one of two ways. It ether makes them sick because they are addicted to it; or it makes them sick because they recognize it for the filth it is."

For the rest of the Lenten season, I invite you to pray each of the weekly meditations each day. If you cannot do ten minutes then do five or two - but pray for strength and grace to help you in your effort to allow your heart to continue forming.

It can be done. Don't give up. What you do in the midst of temptation matters a great deal. Lead by example - and if you don't have any sons or daughters, lead by example for those who suffer because their father chose sin over family.

I'm praying for miracles in the lives of those who were never given a solid example of how to walk in purity.

Fire and Water Life and Death

Vows.

We speak them.
We break them.
We mean them.
We don't.

What kind of man are you?
What kind of man are you going to be?

When we say "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part..."
What do mean?

What happens to a man's head and heart that enables him to leave his wife and children?
I am guessing when he said "for better or for worse." he must not have really meant 'worse',
he must have meant "for better and for a little less than perfect."

Too bad he wasn't more honest with himself and his future wife.

You men and you boys who hope to be men one day,
MEAN the vows you take.
MEAN the promises you make.

Does anyone, priest or husband, really know what we are undertaking when we speak
our wedding or ordination vows? No.

We have some idea of what we are getting into but no idea of how it will change us or if it will be mostly joy or mostly sorrow.
So... do we excuse ourselves from our commitments? No.

I have always remembered one of the reading at my sister's wedding. It struck me as odd, but that was me in my early twenties. In Deuteronomy Chapter 30, God was saying: Today I set before you fire and water; death and life - choose life." (paraphrased)

My sister and her husband spoke their vows with a greater understanding than most regarding what they were getting themselves into. And they are still together.

When (not if) the trials of marriage or priesthood set in - our vows are the lathe that holds us in place while we are fashioned into something new.

When we give up and leave those vows we are left half-fashioned and until we find some way to reconcile or make peace with ourselves, God, those we have harmed - we remain deformed.

Either way you experience 'better or worse'.

My opinion?

It is better to remain faithful and endure the worse while honoring the vows we took.
Like I told the man named Dave who I met in the Home Depot Parking lot last week. With his eyes welling up he told of how his wife began using drugs and lying to him and now they were apart. He offered to help her but she refused him.

I told Dave, "You are standing beneath the cross. Learn from Mary who stands beside you there. She remained faithful as the world hated and killed her life's dream, her life's work, her life's joy.

Remain faithful in your grieving. Do not speak ill of your wife. Do not let your two sons hear a single negative word about her. Remind them that their mother is a fantastic person and the drugs are what changed her heart and divided your family.

God did not do this to you. Tell them to pray for their mother. As you remain faithful to your vows in your sorrow you will be growing rapidly; an accelerated course in holiness that might never have happened if family life had gone on as usual.

God does not will the evil - but he DOES want to bring good out of the evil. He is able and he is willing as you remain faithful. Don't use this rejection as an excuse to go looking for porn on the internet and being impure. Walk in the direction of purity and when you begin to live it - then remain pure. You will teach your sons a great deal about what it means to be a man, a husband, a provider, a father, by the way you decide to let your heart change in the midst of this tragedy.

Pray for Dave. And pray for the other family who just lost their husband and father because he decided he would no longer live out the lifetime vows he took.

Can you guess the faith of both families?

Catholic.

At least it looked that way to those who sat beside them the last time they went to mass together.

Blessed Sacrifice

A shining quality of manhood is sacrifice.
It is not about you being served. It is about you being a servant of God.
You priests pour yourselves out for those entrusted to your care.
You husbands, if you are worthy of such a title, are living out a life of
sacrifice for your wife and children.

You teens take note - I do not know what example you've been given,
but either way you can learn. If your biological father does not know how to BE a father, you can still learn what not to do.

I think of my own dad holding down two jobs while taking evening college courses.
Oh, and did I mention that at the same time, this father of 12 children was virtually rebuilding our
house from the inside - electric, plumbing, drywall... AND still he had time to lull us to sleep playing piano
as we drifted off to dreamland? Good job Dad.

And I whine at times because our little family seems to be on a merry-go-round as we travel
the country to wake sleepy catholics.

I'm thankful for the example and am sorry for those of you who did not have a father to learn this from.
Sacrifice is part of authentic manhood. Get used to it. Be open to it. Don't shy away from hardship.

At the same time watch out that you don't become a work-a-holic as it tends to make you unapproachable - and your so called 'work' may be an excuse to get out of fathering.

Mentoring, listening, praying, encouraging, challenging, guiding, teaching, correcting... a man is called to be many things, do many things, and endure many things for the sake of his children.

NFL AD committee Super WHIMPS

Yes, I posted a picture of one of the deadly sins: Sloth. Laziness. Apathy. I know why God says in the scriptures: "How I wish you were hot or cold, but because you are lukewarm, I want to spit you out of my mouth." (Paraphrased)

Today is the Superbowl. SUPER? Their ad committee people are nothing but Super WHIMPS.
Here is part of an email I got this week from CatholicVote.org:

NBC has slammed the door on running our ad during the Super Bowl!

Watch the ad by clicking here

After several days of negotiations, a representative in Chicago told us that NBC and the NFL are not interested in advertisements involving ‘political candidates or issues.’

...But NBC’s rejection is calling even more attention to the ad. We have been appearing on radio programs across the country for the past two days, and NBC’s New York affiliate (imagine the irony), is covering the controversy. Bill O’Reilly of the FOX News Channel featured the ad on his program Wednesday night calling it “brilliant” and “genius.” His show alone reached nearly 4 million people.

All of this is driving more traffic to the commercial online. We reached almost 1 million online views in less than two weeks!

So why did NBC reject the ad? The network claims that they do not allow political or issue advocacy advertisements during the Super Bowl, but that’s simply not true.

The network was willing to air an ad by PETA, which is definitely an advocacy group, if PETA would tone down their ad’s sexual suggestiveness. Also, the first ad scheduled to run during the Super Bowl is a creative spot about Pedigree’s pet adoption drive. The ad ends with the line: “Help us help dogs.”

In recent years, some Super Bowl advertisements have caused controversy. But there’s nothing objectionable about our positive, life-affirming advertisement. We show a beautiful ultrasound, something NBC’s parent company GE has done for years. We don’t attack Barack Obama, but focus on him becoming the first African-American President. We simply ask people to imagine the potential of each human life.

What now?

We’re not intimidated by NBC. We plan on getting this ad out so that many millions of Americans can imagine the potential of each human life. Here are some things you can do:

We are preparing a virtual protest of NBC’s decision. We want other networks to know that hundreds of thousands of people want to see this ad aired, and we will not give up easily. Stay tuned for our plan on this in the next few days.
The Catholic television station EWTN will be airing the commercial before, during and after the Super Bowl. Feel free to turn your channel to EWTN during halftime and watch our ad there.
You can still share the commercial with friends and family. Tell them to go to CatholicVote.org and watch the ad NBC doesn’t want them to see! Heck, show it at your Super Bowl party!
We’ve been humbled by the donations we’ve received to help get this ad out. We are especially grateful to the group of very generous benefactors that agreed to help if we got air time for the Super Bowl.

We aren’t certain they will still help, but we will use any funds we receive from you and others to air the ad in the most prominent and cost-effective venues available.

Perhaps the ad should run during the Academy Awards or maybe American Idol, which is popular with the youth. Maybe we should run it following President Obama’s first State of the Union address?

If you have ideas, tell us what you think.


Brian Burch
CatholicVote.org


I hope those planning to watch the Superbowl today are disturbed by the absence of this simple, beautiful, powerful ad that might have inspired a whole bunch of folks to think about their unborn children as worthy of protection. I hope a number of you men DO SOMETHING to draw attention to this absurdity.

You can speak up, write a letter, call, complain, create an uproar of some kind... OR you can shrug, drink a beer, and try to feel noble about how the NFL is helping a group help dogs instead of unborn children. Pass the chips, please....

The Hair Fight

Okay - even though I'm bald now - I DID have a full head of hair a hundred years ago. My 13 year old was allowed to grow his usually very short hair longer - until today. Poor guy. He was really getting into the whole brushing it and flipping it and looking at it in the mirror. My hair was long like that at his age - maybe longer. But we decided to have it cut today.

He put up a valiant effort - but afterwards said he felt 'lighter'. I told him it was beginning to look like he was starting to be guilty of 'hair-worship'. I guess to some that makes me a 'mean dad'. Isn't that the challenge? You know your child and you do what feel is best for him (or her).

We told him when he's 18 he can grow it down to his ankles if he wants. It is amazing to see the difference in his attitude. With the long hair it was sullen, joyless, ...cool. Now with the short hair he is smiling more already. Glad he got to try it. More glad it is cut.

I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes, saying something like, "Lighten UP man!" If so, by all means, type away...

An interesting article was forwarded to me today; to read it, click here

Thought provoking.

I love the time I am having with my sons these days. They are wonderful. Tonight, for example, after reading a few chapters of "The Hardy Boys" we got to laughing as they were fighting over how many good-nite hugs they could get from me.
Obviously the "hair fight" wasn't much of an ordeal with them. Thanks be to God.

P.S. The Old Ship in the photo was taken last week as my sons and I were roller blading (!) along the pier in Long Beach, CA
Yes, I got some roller blades to try to get some exercise. My boys are far better than me as they spin and skate backwards and do other fancy moves. Me - at almost 49 years of age I am thankful I have not crashed yet.

They enjoy feeling like they are better than Papa at something and they are quick to give me advice with a smile.
Funny how they are trying to be protective of me - they really don't want me to fall.
Great kids!

71-year-old 'Dave' (Part 2)

Okay men, I know it has been over a MONTH since I've last posted. But it has also been that long since any of YOU posted a comment. Must be the season of having little or no time. Well, I'm back with another installment of advice from 71-year-old 'Dave' (by way of 'timesaver'). This is a LOT of advice so give yourself some time to let it sink in... MJP

'Dave' writes:

“...you might be asking something like this:
I want to be completely free, forever.  Is that possible? 

Yes! YES!  Here's the challenge:  We men are faced with sexual temptations every day...things of that nature are thrust in our faces, through what we see:   walking down the street, on TV, magazines, movies, almost anywhere.  Our culture thinks that they are o.k.  Jesus called our culture, the world.  The world is evil.  Christian men cannot take in all of that stuff without being damaged.  So, in here, we learned how to avoid it.  If we don't continue to do that, then it's so easy to fall right back into Satan's camp.
 
Through this course, there were some very practical truths as well as spiritual ones.  Several huge defenses quickly come to mind:
1.  Radical Amputation
2.  Don't even look
3.  Never go near
4.  FLEE
5.  Radical Accountability
6.  Radical appropriation of God's grace and God's word.
7.  Always live in a glass house with all the doors and windows open!
 
All Christian men need those...not just the ones who come to The Way of Purity.  Those are things we must use for a lifetime.  Be sure to continue in that mode. 
 
Here is a scripture that shares the emphasis of those three things above:
 
2Ti 2:24-26  As the Lord's servant, you must not quarrel. You must be kind toward all, a good and patient teacher,  who is gentle as you correct your opponents, for it may be that God will give them the opportunity to repent and come to know the truth. And then they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the Devil, who had caught them and made them obey his will.
How we look at women or think about them can be immoral.
Maybe the following will help in that area:
 
Best thing to do when a inappropriately-dressed-girl or whatever it is that triggers lust hits you in the eyes -  look somewhere else QUICKLY!  If you have to stay in the vicinity, look her in the eyes.  If you don't really have to be there, and it's too tempting, then get out of there!  FLEE!

In church, I have had to move to another seat, more than once, since I've been conscious of this kind of problem.  (Sadly, before that, I wanted to stay and look)
Our Lord is wants to do a work in the heart of every man and in his eyes.  The following could give a good boost in that direction.  It's going to sound, at first, like it's about masturbation, but keep on reading....
Self-gratification...Some of us, like me, never did know this while we were "doing it".  But it's this fact that we train our bodies to demand the release and the temporary high that masturbation gives.  It's a habit.  Our flesh wants it because it "got it" before, and our flesh demands it again.  Conversely, if we starve our flesh for a long enough time, it doesn't "demand" that action.  It does get easier!  I promise!  But it probably takes about 4 weeks of "no-gratification" to get over that hump. 
 
That's the physical side of it.  Now let's look at something else....the mental and spiritual parts.  What was going on in our mind for minutes, hours or maybe even days before the act?  You see, our bodies do not just jump up and demand that we ejaculate.  First something else is going on - our mind is caressing something in a sexual way.  We're thinking impure thoughts about a woman somewhere in there.  It's true!  And while we're in that mind-set, fantacizing, those little hormones or endorphins are running around in our bloodstream, tantalizing our brain and making little chills run all over us.  Right?
 
In a fall - The very end of the chain-of-events is porn &/or masturbation. We don't get to either of those last two links in the chain without going through some other things.  First we get an idea or we see something.  And then we begin to dwell on it...becoming pre-occupied with sexual thoughts, as I mentioned above.  If we can break that chain early on, then we're not going to get to the last link.

About being hit with images, thoughts etc. - - and if we're not dead or in a coma, we'll surely will be hit by them -
 
Proverbs 22:3,5 "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it....
 
That scripture says to me that we need to seek safety in God rather than stay and try to struggle with our thoughts. So....Instead of struggling with them or fighting them, let's give them to God! ('Dave')

Thank you 'Dave'. I've never heard things put so bluntly before - and yes, some men need a two-by-four upside the head to snap them out of the lethargic state of lust.

I forget which earlier comment it was, but I feel bad for not giving a better answer to the young man who asked HOW a man can avoid or get away from sexual temptations that are, as 'Dave' puts it, 'thrust in our faces'.

In the checkout line at the store:
If you see a pretty model on the cover of a magazine just offer a prayer up for her soul. Remember that the model has a soul. Remember she is someone's daughter. My friend Chris from California says to say: "Good job, God!" and then just look away.
I say pay attention if you are seeking out tempting images. That is where the winning battle is fought. Be present to your choices and if they are less than pure - confess them. Keep the 'weeds in the garden' from ever getting the chance to set down roots.

In the movies.
Hmmm. My wife Mary knows if there is an impure scene in a movie we're watching I will cover my eyes until it is over. Simple. In my early days I would actually rent a movie hoping it would have an impure scene or two. That really seems like another life I was living. Now there is no question. I do not rent or wish to see movies that may threaten my resolve to live purity.

On the street:
I avert my eyes. I look up to the sky and if I look back down I say 'hello' and, as 'Dave' suggests, I look her in the eyes. There have been times when my eyes rebelled and looked where my brain told them not to look. I always tell my wife Mary about these times and that is another great tool that helps: accountability.

All for now men. The hour is late. Clean up your lives and don't waste another second of the time God is granting you to breathe the air and walk the earth with pure hearts and minds. It is, after all, a matter of life and death. Here's to a great year.
P.S. PLEASE join us in praying that the FOCA 'storm' never gets enough energy to do any harm.

Flood of Grace

Dear God, please cause a flood of grace to revive those men who have given up one way or another on trying to live a life of holiness.


Here's a picture from our visit to Niagara Falls earlier this year. No wonder our boys want to keep traveling (see holyfamilynow.com and the 'Along the Way' blog) We're starting our third year on the road full-time.

Along the way I have handed out hundreds and hundreds of cards inviting men to visit this site and pass along some wisdom. You new-comers, just read the side bar for specifics and feel free to add ANYTHING that comes to mind. If I think it will help stir a conversation - I'll let it post; if not, I won't. Simple.

After the concert tonight a woman shared how her young son had opened a door for a girl and that same young girl gave him trouble for doing so... His response was, 'But that's what my Dad does for my Mom...'

Good for you young man. You keep opening doors for young ladies and endure any rude remarks that may come. It'll make you tougher in a good way. Go ahead; be respectful anyway. You're growing the heart of a man. This world needs more men like the one you are growing to be.

Got to meet with a few friends here in Arizona last Saturday. Good men. Prayerful men. They are simply about the conversion of their hearts. That fills me and challenges me. I am most impressed with those who do not try to impress. Braggers are bores and over-hyper machismo is nothing but a blaring scream for help. Arrogance is evidence of insecurity and genuine humility rocks.

I've got to work on the humility part. Most who know me recall my saying 'God humbles me and I become proud of my humility.'
Well it is a day by day thing. Did I already type the sign on the door of a priest I knew years ago: Humility is not thinking less of yourself; Humility is thinking of yourself... less.

My goal this week is to post more thoughts from the e-mail with advice from 71 year old Dave.
Okay, I'm falling asleep at the computer!
I gotta sign off for now - if anything sounds goofy - blame it on the hour...
I posted some Advent reflections at the Holy Family website.

God bless you and thank you stopping by....
Good night!
MJP

Prayer: Always Good

A few weeks ago I sat outside the RV at night with my oldest son. I asked him to pray a quick Rosary with me. He is still young enough (thank God) where even though I'm sure he wasn't thrilled to do this, he still went along with it!

I did not plan this, but with each mystery I began to speak an intention for God to bless him and assist him as he grows into a man.

What a concept. If we can just slow down long enough I hope to post the prayers for any of you other men who could use another idea of how you might pray with your sons.

I'm convinced that praying with our sons plants something in them that goes deeper than the words we use.
If you haven't done this - at least think about doing it
If you HAVE prayed with your son, tell us about what style of prayer worked.

As usual, I will type more later, when there is time.

Close one Door - open another

Got an e-mail a week or so ago. Just got some time to post part of it. "Timesaver" sent this from a mentor he was given when he signed up at the settingcaptivesfree.com 'Way of Purity' program. There is more but I will post it in small segments. Very thought-provoking... To me the bottom line is those of us who have closed the door on allowing ANY impurity in our minds or marriages automatically open the door to new life, new hope, new freedom, new ways that God can use us to encourage others. MJP

Now here's from 'Timesaver':

"Dave" is 71 years old and lives with his wife in Texas. hope this helps the men on your blog. Change any words you want. 
Timesaver
Please do not use my real email.

Here's some advice from 71 year old "Dave"

I'm going to give you some chips off my block sort of. It's things that I've learned that truly do help. Three things, mainly:
 
First,  I urge you to be heavy into accountability.  That's something we men need for a lifetime.  I have been being accountable to my wife, and that's a good thing.  But having another man to talk to about the serious issues that face us men every day... that's so important.  I still report to several men every week.  It's not the easiest thing to do, because we talk about things that men don't usually say...sometimes we have to say “I fell”, or we have to say “masturbation”.  Not easy words to use...we've been brainwashed into thinking that men don't talk about such things.  Sometimes we just have to humble ourselves and say it.
 
Second, and along similar lines, my wife is interested in my continuing purity, I know.  Sometimes we men do not know how to talk to our wives about what we need.  This issue of sexual intimacy is one where she can help a great deal, if I make sure that the lines of communication are open.  Often, to keep those open, a man has to say things that humble him.  There's that word again...yes, we are a proud bunch, and we just don't like to share anything that we think makes us look weak.  But we do need to talk plainly to our wives about sexual intimacy. 
 
Thirdly, there is just about no way that a man can get through this course without God somehow using him to assist other men who desperately need help with habitual, sexual sin.  Our testimony is one of the most powerful weapons against the enemy.  When I humble myself in front of other men and speak about my history of sexual sin, that is strong!  But the key is to talk from a position of equality, and not from a position of "I'm better than you".  This is one lesson I've learned the hard way.  So I just pass it on. 


Thank you 'Timesaver' and if you feel comfortable, please pass this website along to '71 year old Dave' so he can write advice directly. Great to hear from you - so thanks for the email and please feel free to send more. A friend told me by phone that what we are discussing on this blog "is so very important" I agree.

It would be great to hear how some of you other men have taken steps to 'close the door' on impurity. I plan to list a few ways that have proven to work in my own life. God bless you and strengthen you in the ways of holiness. MJP

Speaking of Porn

My oldest son (almost 13) is extremely naive about the whole porn industry. Last year as we were traveling he blurted out:
"How great is that?"
"What?" I asked.
That sign said "Adult Movies and Magazines" and there are all those trucks parked there. So they let truck drivers stop and watch movies and read magazines. Isn't that great?"
"Yeah." I said.
Later I told Mary what he said and we both cringed.

I heard somewhere that only 3% of the information on the internet is related to porn - but it accounts for 90% of the downloads.
A woman from a Diocese in Pennsylvania asked if I had anything to help their Family Life Office address what seems to be an epidemic of Catholic men addicted to internet porn.
Someone else told me there is another sort of epidemic of the elderly (mostly men) buying computers and turning golden years into lustful years.
Not good dear elders. It makes me think of the olden days where prophets accused Israel of worshipping idols or other gods.

Porn is all about that.

HHMMMmm. I need your help men. To raise the call for sexual purity in marriage, in single life, in the priesthood, in religious life, and to say out loud to any men or boys who happen by: You can and must strive to live a life of authentic sexual integrity and purity. If you think this is impossible, you need to write a comment about why you think so - then listen to my/our response.

Back to BigDaddyAZ... Since my son does not know what the term porn is (he has not even heard the term yet) I am not sure how I would approach it. Maybe I can practice here and let you guys comment on it - good or bad. You know, the whole "Let steel sharpen steel" thing...

I think my biggest flaw might be giving too much information to my son. Then again, from what many men have told me, I would rather mess up by sharing too much than give my sons to the wolves without enough wisdom to keep themselves out of harm's way. Too bad there wasn't a site I could visit that could give me something to measure this idea against. (Sigh) Guess I'll have to start it myself with this site. Okay.

How I might answer if my son asked me what "porn" means.... "Son, there are people out there who do not show respect for the marital embrace. You remember the basic facts I told you - about how a man and woman are united as one body - right? How I told you babies are conceived?
Right.

Okay... Do you remember how I told you this marital union is sacred and holy and very private between a husband and wife? Okay. Good.

Now do you remember when I told you that even though you know how this union happens, you must clothe each marital union in privacy and you are not to focus on or dwell on the act. By doing this you give privacy in your mind to every couple who has ever conceived a child. If you do not train your mind to be respectful, you might foster what is called 'Lust' in your heart. Lust is a twisting of the wonderful and powerful drive in every man and woman to begin a family. Lust will keep you from growing the heart of a man.

I gotta tell you there are people in this world who do not treat the marital embrace with the respect and dignity it deserves. They make and sell something called pornography or porn. Porn is when people film others having sex outside of marriage. The images they create can be so powerful that some men stop acting like men, some stop being husbands and fathers, worse than that, some have hurt or killed others after watching it. There are examples of this in the news but I cannot imagine telling you about them until you're 18. Trust me when I tell you this: "Porn is not good for your soul, your heart, or your spirit - and it is especially not good for your formation as a man."

I have heard story after story about how this sin destroys family life and has been the main reason many husbands and wives have gotten divorced. I have read stories about men who were tempted to kill themselves because of the images they saw and could not get out of their minds. Guard your heart by guarding your eyes and turn away from such images or movies.

'Nuff said. You see how I can ramble. I probably would not say all that but at least it helps to write out a first draft. I am not sure how much to share of my past with him or at what age. The fact that I bought my first playboy at age 11? Not sure if that would help him or tempt him.

Okay I'm sleepy. It is late. Any comments BigDaddyAZ?
P.S. I really DO think you need to report that irresponsible coach to his superiors about making comments like that to such impressionable boys.

Thanks Big Daddy AZ

For the sake of those who still do not know how to find their way around a blog... I'll post yesterday's comment from BigDaddyAZ

Michael,

Last week my 12-year old son came home from football practice and said one of the coaches said something that made him uncomfortable.

Apparently the coach (who I don't really like because all he does is yells at the kids) was telling the players (11 & 12 year-olds) to "rest up on Friday nights, don't stay up late watching television, playing videos games and looking at porn on the Internet...{insert laughter}."

Idiot coach.

Can you believe it?!! He said this to a bunch of kids.

Needless to say, it provided another opportunity for me to talk to my son about "uncomfortable" things. He's such a good kid.

Love the blog. Keep up the good work.

BigDaddyAZ

Man, I cannot believe that guy is permitted to be around children! Was this the first time your son even heard the term 'porn'? What did you say to him, what would you other guys say to your sons? What would you do about such a coach who is around children? Talk about child safety! I'll try to come up with what my response would be - but what about you other men? More later. And, by the way, BigDaddyAZ, THANKS for posting a comment. It helps me know I'm not making this effort alone.

Finding Your Way

Most men I talk with - when they were young guys they were patted on the back and wished 'Good Luck' son - now go be a man. As if part of becoming a man is figuring it out on your own. Problem with that is these days 'sonny' isn't out working in the field with Dad and Grandpa and Uncle Jim. So what does he see? Video games? What does he google? God help us. Any Dad's, Grandpa's, or uncles out there feel free to give advice for the young men-to-be who happen across this page.

Mine for today is this: Finding your own way means watching the examples of the men in your family and seeing what does and doesn't work. Don't waste a single minute punishing those who were not there for you as you might have hoped. Get over it. Become a man by forgiving and by looking for the good in some of the worst situations.

More later. Gotta go.

Hero Dad of 7 sons...

Here's a story for you fathers or fathers-to-be. I was just reading about Thomas Vander Woude in an email five minutes ago... and had to post it while I had the chance. One of the qualities that describe a great dad is selflessness and this quality can only reach maturity in service to others, be they our wives, parishioners, or our children. I'm still working on that quality in myself. I've heard it before and I've said it before: "It's easy to sing and speak or blog about this stuff - but it is another thing altogether to live it out. Thomas Vander Woude probably did not think twice about saving the life of his son. Seems like there was no question but to act. God bless him and God bless his family.

I don't know about you but sometimes I can get so preoccupied about the technical side of life - maybe it's a just a guy thing or maybe just a lack-of-prayer thing. We have so many distractions. Tonight Mr Woude calls me to ponder how I care for my children and how much I am willing to lay down my own life for the sake of theirs.

I hear about some dads who focus on their own hobbies to the detriment of their families - I'd rather be more like Mr Woude.

Old School Ideas

My son Joseph is 12 and wants to know when he can date a girl. The issue came up this week when his friend at the Walworth County Fair here in Wisconsin introduced Joseph to his girlfriend. (!?) Hmmmmm. I said "No." You can ask a girl to go on a ride at the fair but you can't ask her to go on a date.

Dare I ask readers of this blog your thoughts are on this topic?

My view is really old school. My view is SO old school I want to tell Joseph he can court a girl he hopes to marry, but no dating. That ought to get a few comments. I'm up for it. Agree. Disagree. Whatever. But those readers who have not answered the most basic questions that made me start this blog, when are you gonna get typing?

I KNOW there is a need here. The challenge of guiding a son from boyhood to manhood is huge. Meanwhile I will add to this blog as God and time and internet access allow.

One Strong Man

My friend Pat is an inspiration to me. Here he is holding his daughter Blaise. Doctors told Pat and his wife that their little girl would not live long because she was born without a lymphatic system. She is, I think, three years old now.

Pat took his daughter to Stanford, California today for more tests and/or treatment. She has had a tough summer. Click on the photo below and save it to your desk top. Pray for Pat, his wife Lisa, Blaise, and her brothers.

If you are a young boy or a young boy in a man's body - study this photo. Learn from Pat's example something of what it means to be a man.

A man does not run from hardship. A man protects and honors the women in his life. A man does not center his life on pleasures. A man lays down his life for the sake of his family. God bless you Pat, I'm praying for you and so are the men who read this blog.

MJP

Gift from God

She's almost three years old now. Last night at bedtime. My head was on a pillow on the floor beside her port-a-crib. Looking at her face to face through the netting. (Yes, we know she's out growing the port-a-crib but it works great in our RV for now)
I say "You're my daughter."
She answers, "An' yer my fadder."
I say, "I'm so glad you were born."
She says "yeah."
I say "You're a gift from God.
She says, "I can eat ice cubes."

And it goes on like that. She's a fire-wire girl. God help us guide her, and train her so she can keep her inner fire while not setting fire to everything around her. My wife Mary says she was just like that when she was a little girl. I can tell... and I would not have it any other way.

Some parents hold back encouragement or positive words for fear of giving their children a 'big head'. I think our children need to hear they are loved, beautiful, and that we are proud of them.

Last week I had another late night talk with my oldest son. I told him how proud I was of him for how he is fighting to remain pure of heart and mind and body. You should have seen him drink in that affirmation! I saw a load of concern fall off his shoulders as he smiled and thanked me. Sure, I still yelled at him the next day because he did something that bugged me. I'd rather not lose my patience but even when I do, I'm glad to have this system set in place where I can still say the words that matter most. Saying "I love you" does not mean they do not have to obey an instruction, it may even inspire them to want to obey.

A couple of years ago I noticed how every night Mary told the boys she loved them. I got to thinking, 'why don't I say that to them?' It really bugged me because it seemed like I had not said those words to the boys for years. I decided to change my ways. Now for over a year each night I tell each one "I love you." as they go to bed. Each night, especially my oldest one, melts and thanks me, and says it back.

From time to time I say how proud I am that they are growing the hearts of men. I am in awe of what God is doing in each of them. Forming them through my and Mary's words, through our examples, and accelerating that growth through the love we show them.

Don't misunderstand. It is not all sweetness living full-time in this RV! At the same time I am thankful to say that neither is it all bitterness and hardship. You may not be involved in a full time ministry traveling in an RV but God knows you have your own difficulties to face.

So... face them!
Face yourself.
See what needs to change in you and do your children a favor.
Change. Be a man after God's own heart.
Ask the manufacturer his opinion and be ready to blast your own opinion to kingdom come.
Now there's a play on words for you!

Pray for me to find a way to make more time to post here.
The more I travel, the more I see there is a need for men to encourage and challenge one another.
Please.. be encouraged! Remember we already know that in the end, God WINS!

From "Timesaver"

The following email came in a few days ago. I have to admit I hardly have time to sign up and post to THIS blog - much less sign up for a course to check this site out. I DID stop by and I agree that the testimonies are impressive. Anyone else who has signed up please feel free to pass along any info you have on this topic. What I am hoping to find out is if the Setting Captive Free program is overall Catholic -friendly. If the priest who took it could share a word that would be great. Thanks! Now, here's the email:

I can give my feedback about the setting captives free Purity Program so long as you please do not share my emaill address on your blog. Call me "timesaver". The course is time consuming - something good for someone like me who wasted SO MUCH TIME in looking at impure material and self-gratifying. This could easily have cost my marriage. One thing I can say is you or anyone can read testimonies always being posted. nobody has to sign up to read these. They are one of my favorite parts to this website. The first couple days are about seeing the impuirty we waste time on as sewer water and how we will always be sick drinking from that well. We make a choice to drink pure living water or drinking sewer water. timesaver. Here is a testimony off the site
David's Testimony
"My mentor was Richard Lee. My life was very sad and I lived in constant fear. I was afraid of being found out, afraid of falling too low, and afraid of missing God's best for me. I was introduced to pornography during my middle school years and, even though I never owned any of those magazines, the images became ingrained in my brain for many years to come. I begun looking at women as objects for my delight and the gratification of my flesh. Having been raised in church, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I could not help it. Instead, I kept falling deeper and deeper into the trap. I found myself rationalizing it all the time. Finally, I found the perfect excuse: 'This is just a natural result of the sexual abuse I was a victim of when I was a child.' I thought that if I dealt with the trauma of the abuse, the acting out would go away. I sought counselors, books, 12-step programs, prayer, fasting, and even people to "cast out" impurity from my life, but nothing gave me lasting victory. I was desperate and lonely. I felt like I had to show everyone one face, the face of one who has it all together, while I was dying on the inside. I hated myself for what I was doing, and I was beginning to despise God for not helping me. I remember I would just cry and cry, hoping God would finally take my life away. Every day, I would wake up knowing that I would inevitably fall again. Those were very dark years. My soul craved for something or someone, but nothing filled me. Pornography and self-gratification left me wounded and bleeding, but I "had" to revert back to it. Finally, one day I heard my friend talk about the Setting Captives Free course and how great it was. He did not know I was hooked, and he never imagined he was about to save my life. I memorized the name of the website and the next day I went to my office, checked it out, and enrolled in The Way of Purity course. The first two days of the course were dramatic to me. The Lord opened my eyes to the reality of my sin and the reasons why I was still in bondage! From that point on, my life had a drastic change. I was very skeptical at the beginning and, when I read the testimonies, I found it hard to understand how an online course could do so much. I came to know that it was more than a daily devotional, it was the Lord Jesus working through the lessons to bring me back to Him. He broke the yoke of pornography off my shoulders and I have been free from it for seven months now. I never thought I could get rid of those images, but the Lord has slowly been cleansing my mind from them. At times, I have felt overwhelmed by temptation, especially when the old thinking patterns sink in. However, the support and grace that my mentor always gives me has helped me see God in a new light - not as someone distant and uninterested, but as a loving Father who is with me and who wants to help me. My life now is awesome. I had lost all hope of ever being happy, but the Lord has given me hope again. I'm closer to Him than I ever was and, above all, I enjoy the peace of mind that comes from knowing I do not have any dirty secrets to hide. I have found true intimacy in Him and I want to know Him more and more each day. I am thirty years old, and I feel like my life has just started. God continues to heal me from my painful past, and now He has even opened the door for me to marry a wonderful Christian girl. He is restoring my life and giving me back even the dreams I thought I had lost. Thank You, Jesus!"


Thank you for the email and info "Timesaver" I look forward to hearing more. - MJP

Heart of a Boy, a Man, or a Beast?

I'm up late. Tired. So I sign on to try and get some blog-posting done. Kids are out like a light. Had a TON of family time today. Thank you Lord! I have my browser set to online news. And the top story 30 minutes ago was about how

Vermont State Police just found a body believed to be a missing 12-year-old girl. It seems her UNCLE allegedly planned to force her into a sex ring the day she disappeared.


Y'know sometimes I know I can be overly optimistic. It helps to think the big thing is if a man still has the heart of a boy - all he has to do is grow up and become a true man. But what about stuff like this when the heart of a boy turns into the heart of a beast instead? This is plain evil. I know it happens. We hear stories all the time - don't we?

I told my son Joseph that the drive to reproduce is so powerful in us men that it can help form a family if you're a husband, it can form a whole community if you're a priest, or it can form a monster if you hide a tiny little secret sin long enough. Okay I actually did not tell him ALL that - but that story in the news really makes me sick. Here we have exhibit 'A' in Vermont. God have mercy on us. I will bet anyone out there a hundred bucks if this guy had been mentored by his father or SOMEONE about the requirement for a man to be a man he must be pure - this little girl would be alive today.

Just got an email from a man struggling with purity and I want to do everything I can to guide him to an online solidly Roman Catholic program to help. Anyone know of any Catholic sites? Still have not heard back from the only guy I have met who was building such a program. Hopefully he is so swamped with men asking for help he does not have time to answer my e-mail. That would be good, wouldn't it? There I go being overly optimistic again!

Another scenario is that the Devil hates this guy so much he is doing everything he can to stop him from succeeding in this effort. In case that is the story - please pray for a warrior named Kenneth right now.

Okay. So far the only program brought up is Setting Captives Free - a non-denominational, scripture-based effort that we've been told is bearing great fruit. I still have not heard back from anyone who has taken the course to let me know if it is kind to Catholics. Are any of you readers willing to sign up for this course and work with me on creating such a program? I'm signing up this week and will tell you if I find it Catholic-friendly. If it is I will advise anyone from here on to take the program. Otherwise I hope it is okay to learn from them and bring in all the saints and sacraments that have been so helpful to me in my conversion. God's grace in my ongoing conversion is the only way I hope to continue succeeding in what I expect to be a lifelong battle for the sake of purity.
So far so good - and now that I've said that I brace for an attack! God's grace cover me, please!

Men! Start the process of instructing your sons! This can be done - but we cannot fight the battle not alone. Be a fellow soldier for your sons. I'm not going to tell Joseph about this Vermont story - at least not when he is this age. But during one conversation he asked me for an example of how the reproductive drive can go bad and it happens that a bizarre story had just been in the paper so I told him: "Alright... this guy somewhere in America was just arrested for having 1500 pairs of used girls gym shoes in his home. He worked at a local school and he had stolen each pair from the girl's lockers." Joseph looked at me sideways and asked "Gym shoes?!" I said, "Yes - it had something to do with a malformed reproductive drive! And I don't even want to know HOW so let's not think about it - just remember to walk in the direction of purity and I promise to be here to help you any way I can."

Did I mention how someone from the office of family life out here in a Diocese on the East Coast asked if I knew of anything to help them with what seems like an epidemic of men addicted to internet porn? Readers, why don't we ALL sign up this week? We can discuss how it might help or not help Catholic men and how we might be able to improve on the concept. What we learn can help us form the tools we need to guide our sons - not only away from this insanity of porn - but TO a place of authentic manhood where sexual purity is expected and lived out. Do I hear an AMEN?

See how late it is? See how I ramble when I falling asleep? I'm signing off!

Temptation or Sin?

Here is a comment that was added to the last posting:

Purity is impossible to me. What am I supposed to do when I see the covers of magazines right in my face at the store? what about TV? movies? internet? its everywhere. And you're PURE? I wonder what drug you are taking to make you that way. I think lust is built into us men
call me an unbeliever

I used to be an unbeliever, too. So what I'm about to say comes from experience. Listen. Purity IS possible. Lust is NOT 'built into' men. Yes, the reproductive drive IS built in - and yes it can be hijacked by lust - but we men are called to purity. Am I pure in the area of lust or sexual sin? Yes. (And I'm not taking a drug that makes me this way; I owe it to God's grace!) Have I always been sexually pure? No. Temptation does seem to be everywhere, as you say, but each of us is responsible for what we DO to firstly to avoid (flee) temptation and secondly to refuse it a place to grow. Reject it. Stomp on it.

There is a world of difference between struggling with sexual temptation or struggling with sexual sin. We men will have to fight temptation until we die. So pace yourself. Prepare yourself. Don't lie to yourself. Be honest when you are allowing temptation to bear the fruit of sin. You can be tempted and remain pure. Jesus did it... I am doing it... and so can you.

I am willing to share ideas on how you can avoid or destroy lustful temptations. I hope you are willing to listen. Any of you other men out there who want to chime in - feel free! I have never claimed to be the wisest man on the internet.

Regarding what to do when you see magazines at the store? Look away.
T.V.? Kill your T.V., cancel your cable, read more.
Movie? Do not attend or rent 'R Rated' movies.
Online? Kill your computer or install filters.

I know these will sound simplistic - but if you are serious about wanting to be pure you will take serious steps in that direction. I hope you begin soon. C'mon guys - help me out here.

How do you fight impurity in YOUR lives? Every bit helps. Just keep the language simple so our solutions do not wind up causing more temptations for someone out there. Family duties are calling right now - gotta go...