Close one Door - open another

Got an e-mail a week or so ago. Just got some time to post part of it. "Timesaver" sent this from a mentor he was given when he signed up at the settingcaptivesfree.com 'Way of Purity' program. There is more but I will post it in small segments. Very thought-provoking... To me the bottom line is those of us who have closed the door on allowing ANY impurity in our minds or marriages automatically open the door to new life, new hope, new freedom, new ways that God can use us to encourage others. MJP

Now here's from 'Timesaver':

"Dave" is 71 years old and lives with his wife in Texas. hope this helps the men on your blog. Change any words you want. 
Timesaver
Please do not use my real email.

Here's some advice from 71 year old "Dave"

I'm going to give you some chips off my block sort of. It's things that I've learned that truly do help. Three things, mainly:
 
First,  I urge you to be heavy into accountability.  That's something we men need for a lifetime.  I have been being accountable to my wife, and that's a good thing.  But having another man to talk to about the serious issues that face us men every day... that's so important.  I still report to several men every week.  It's not the easiest thing to do, because we talk about things that men don't usually say...sometimes we have to say “I fell”, or we have to say “masturbation”.  Not easy words to use...we've been brainwashed into thinking that men don't talk about such things.  Sometimes we just have to humble ourselves and say it.
 
Second, and along similar lines, my wife is interested in my continuing purity, I know.  Sometimes we men do not know how to talk to our wives about what we need.  This issue of sexual intimacy is one where she can help a great deal, if I make sure that the lines of communication are open.  Often, to keep those open, a man has to say things that humble him.  There's that word again...yes, we are a proud bunch, and we just don't like to share anything that we think makes us look weak.  But we do need to talk plainly to our wives about sexual intimacy. 
 
Thirdly, there is just about no way that a man can get through this course without God somehow using him to assist other men who desperately need help with habitual, sexual sin.  Our testimony is one of the most powerful weapons against the enemy.  When I humble myself in front of other men and speak about my history of sexual sin, that is strong!  But the key is to talk from a position of equality, and not from a position of "I'm better than you".  This is one lesson I've learned the hard way.  So I just pass it on. 


Thank you 'Timesaver' and if you feel comfortable, please pass this website along to '71 year old Dave' so he can write advice directly. Great to hear from you - so thanks for the email and please feel free to send more. A friend told me by phone that what we are discussing on this blog "is so very important" I agree.

It would be great to hear how some of you other men have taken steps to 'close the door' on impurity. I plan to list a few ways that have proven to work in my own life. God bless you and strengthen you in the ways of holiness. MJP

Speaking of Porn

My oldest son (almost 13) is extremely naive about the whole porn industry. Last year as we were traveling he blurted out:
"How great is that?"
"What?" I asked.
That sign said "Adult Movies and Magazines" and there are all those trucks parked there. So they let truck drivers stop and watch movies and read magazines. Isn't that great?"
"Yeah." I said.
Later I told Mary what he said and we both cringed.

I heard somewhere that only 3% of the information on the internet is related to porn - but it accounts for 90% of the downloads.
A woman from a Diocese in Pennsylvania asked if I had anything to help their Family Life Office address what seems to be an epidemic of Catholic men addicted to internet porn.
Someone else told me there is another sort of epidemic of the elderly (mostly men) buying computers and turning golden years into lustful years.
Not good dear elders. It makes me think of the olden days where prophets accused Israel of worshipping idols or other gods.

Porn is all about that.

HHMMMmm. I need your help men. To raise the call for sexual purity in marriage, in single life, in the priesthood, in religious life, and to say out loud to any men or boys who happen by: You can and must strive to live a life of authentic sexual integrity and purity. If you think this is impossible, you need to write a comment about why you think so - then listen to my/our response.

Back to BigDaddyAZ... Since my son does not know what the term porn is (he has not even heard the term yet) I am not sure how I would approach it. Maybe I can practice here and let you guys comment on it - good or bad. You know, the whole "Let steel sharpen steel" thing...

I think my biggest flaw might be giving too much information to my son. Then again, from what many men have told me, I would rather mess up by sharing too much than give my sons to the wolves without enough wisdom to keep themselves out of harm's way. Too bad there wasn't a site I could visit that could give me something to measure this idea against. (Sigh) Guess I'll have to start it myself with this site. Okay.

How I might answer if my son asked me what "porn" means.... "Son, there are people out there who do not show respect for the marital embrace. You remember the basic facts I told you - about how a man and woman are united as one body - right? How I told you babies are conceived?
Right.

Okay... Do you remember how I told you this marital union is sacred and holy and very private between a husband and wife? Okay. Good.

Now do you remember when I told you that even though you know how this union happens, you must clothe each marital union in privacy and you are not to focus on or dwell on the act. By doing this you give privacy in your mind to every couple who has ever conceived a child. If you do not train your mind to be respectful, you might foster what is called 'Lust' in your heart. Lust is a twisting of the wonderful and powerful drive in every man and woman to begin a family. Lust will keep you from growing the heart of a man.

I gotta tell you there are people in this world who do not treat the marital embrace with the respect and dignity it deserves. They make and sell something called pornography or porn. Porn is when people film others having sex outside of marriage. The images they create can be so powerful that some men stop acting like men, some stop being husbands and fathers, worse than that, some have hurt or killed others after watching it. There are examples of this in the news but I cannot imagine telling you about them until you're 18. Trust me when I tell you this: "Porn is not good for your soul, your heart, or your spirit - and it is especially not good for your formation as a man."

I have heard story after story about how this sin destroys family life and has been the main reason many husbands and wives have gotten divorced. I have read stories about men who were tempted to kill themselves because of the images they saw and could not get out of their minds. Guard your heart by guarding your eyes and turn away from such images or movies.

'Nuff said. You see how I can ramble. I probably would not say all that but at least it helps to write out a first draft. I am not sure how much to share of my past with him or at what age. The fact that I bought my first playboy at age 11? Not sure if that would help him or tempt him.

Okay I'm sleepy. It is late. Any comments BigDaddyAZ?
P.S. I really DO think you need to report that irresponsible coach to his superiors about making comments like that to such impressionable boys.

Purity and Setting Captives Free

The following comment was posted on May 26

I want to thank the priest who wrote about the setting captives free site and also shared that he too has struggled with sexual sin. It is a shame based sin which one often has difficulty discussing and also often rationalize this sin because of years of habit or because solitary sin is many times interpreted as having lesser importance in seeking to lead a life of purity. Also our society minimizes these actions as being normal and expected in the life of a man. I remember once when I went to the sacrament of reconciliation and the priest shared that men in the cloister also struggle with sexual issues. This took me by surprise but also gave me courage to continue on my own struggles. Thank you for creating this site.

You're welcome! Glad you like it. I said I would stop by the 'settingcaptivesfree.com' website - and so I did. It looks like a great effort. It is not just for sexual purity, but varous kinds of sins of excess. Does anyone know of a Roman Catholic equivalent to this site that we can recommend as well? I still have not heard back from my friend in Tulsa about his efforts in this ministry.
It obviously helped the priest who sent his comment - so it must be a good effort as it produced good fruit for him. I just want to alert any readers who choose to make use of this site that it looks to me like a non-denominational effort. Hopefully this group is a true friend of Roman Catholics and does not taint the basic Gospel message with the 'Whore of Babylon' insanity. Perhaps the priest who posted about will have some thoughts... All for now - as usual I will post as time allows. MJP

Purity Ball

Another comment was posted regarding purity. How did I know this would get you men typing? Remember, keep it anonymous! On the last comment to be posted, BigDaddyAZ signed his name - so, though I did not allow his comment to post, BigDaddyAZ had a very great story to share about a group in Colorado who has begun what is called a Father-Daughter Ball - where the MAN promises to live a life of purity and integrity in order to "war for" the heart of his daughter. I might be messing up the wording - so go read it for yourself by clicking below:
Father-Daughter Purity Ball

Here is their opening text - written by a daughter who attended a Father-Daughter Ball:


"As all the dads stood to read the covenent over their daughters, I felt the power of those words sink right into my heart. My father promised to lead a life of integrety and purity for me. He signed his name and I signed as a witness to his words. And as he escorted me to the dance floor I felt empowered by his promise to war for my heart through his life of purity, and I knew my life would never be the same again..."

Okay men if that doesn't challenge you to live what you believe, God help you.

If there is not a similar Father-Son Campfire Event - I hope one of you men will start one. Our sons need to know we stand behind them as fathers who lay down their lives for the sake of their sons as well. How can we NOT cover our sons with this same protection? For the sake of those who do not know how to read comments posted, here is one I did not want you to miss! This comment was also posted last week.

I am a Roman Catholic priest and to the men who confess to sexual sin of any kind - addictive or not I give the following penance: Go to "settingcaptivesfree.com" and work the sexual purity program. This program is anonymous and gives new meaning to the word 'repentance' for those who sign up. The approach rescues those men who feel resigned to sexual sin because their habits span many many years. There IS hope! I share this with the readers of this blog in hopes of helping. It not only helped me; it saved my vocation the priesthood.

God bless you Padre - THANK YOU for a comment that will undoubtedly help many men - husbands, fathers, priests, and some bishops. We have learned that EVERY man deals with sexual temptation at some season in his life. Isn't there a book called "Every Man's Battle"? If anyone has checked into this program - feel free to share your story. I will visit the website, too.

Sexual Purity

Here is a comment to an earlier posting called Sexual Integrity. Here is what someone from Colorado wrote:

I was 13 when I found my dads magazines. It began my 'lust' addiction. Addiction to porn and acting out so far has cost me my job and family. I still crave it and hate it. Wish I could have talked to my dad about it but it was too much for me at that age and thought I'd get in big trouble for snooping. Over 50 from Colorado

I cannot imagine what it did to your understanding of manhood to think that these magazines belonged to your father! God bless you and help you recover. I sent an email to a friend in Tulsa who has a ministry toward those who suffer addiction to pornography. I will post when I hear back from him. Meanwhile, anyone out there who comes across websites that help men in this area - post it in a comment. And not just websites! Give your advice! Stay tuned men, and all you online TEENS - YOU stay tuned, too!

Sexual Integrity

Sexual integrity is a 'must' in order to be growing into or living out our authentic manhood.

Purity. Not pretending. Real. Intentional.

When a guy makes the decision to rid his life of every external opportunity to incite or feed lust and the sinful behaviors that follow it - he is beginning to take some of the most important strides toward becoming a real man. Teens! You listening here? I KNOW it is amazing to learn about how your bodies work at your age - I remember. But do not allow self-understanding to become a habit of self-gratification. Yes, I know how at your school they may be encouraging such behavior but those who teach such things are 99.9% of the time trying real heard to justify their own habitual sexual sin. Don't buy the lie!

Be pure. Become the men God created you to be. Your future wives will thank those of you called to HOLY MATRIMONY. (Now THERE"S a semester course!) Your future parishioners will thank those of you called to be HOLY Priests. Be pure. It is possible. It is. Do not drink the sweet poison of what the world falsely refers to as 'soft porn'. Yeah, sure, I guess one side of the knife is soft and smooth - like polished steel - but what kills is what is hidden below.

I would be pleasantly surprised to have an actual anonymous conversation with a few hundred of you out there on this subject.
As always - do so without giving your name. If you cannot seem to figure out how to post an anonymous comment - then send an actual letter - you KNOW that would be annonymous! Care of Holy Family P.O. BOX 30414 Edmond, OK 73003