Innocence in Times Square

We drove through downtown New York last Thursday evening and I completely forgot about the potential for seeing inappropriate ads and stores. I was proud of my sons who turned their eyes away from images they thought might be impure. I want them to know the body is beautiful and that it was designed and created by the God of all holiness. What is not good is the way money-hungry or lust-addicted people misuse the body for financial gain or to feed disordered cravings. Of course I can't explain it that way to my 8 year old - but I HAVE begun to discuss this with my 12 year old. Here's to the innocence that passed through Times Square last week.

Father's Day

Sometimes I take the kids to the store or park when my wife Mary is running errands. More than once people have asked me if I'm babysitting - right away I say: "How can I babysit my own children? I'm not babysitting - I'm FATHERING."
Happy Father's Day to all you dedicated dad's. And to all you disconnected boys in men's bodies who reproduce and ignore your offspring - I hope the day disturbed you into conversion. You can do it! Think of your children. Think of ways you can be there for them. Don't babysit your own children ever again - FATHER them. One day they will thank you - one day the world will thank you.

Purity and Setting Captives Free

The following comment was posted on May 26

I want to thank the priest who wrote about the setting captives free site and also shared that he too has struggled with sexual sin. It is a shame based sin which one often has difficulty discussing and also often rationalize this sin because of years of habit or because solitary sin is many times interpreted as having lesser importance in seeking to lead a life of purity. Also our society minimizes these actions as being normal and expected in the life of a man. I remember once when I went to the sacrament of reconciliation and the priest shared that men in the cloister also struggle with sexual issues. This took me by surprise but also gave me courage to continue on my own struggles. Thank you for creating this site.

You're welcome! Glad you like it. I said I would stop by the 'settingcaptivesfree.com' website - and so I did. It looks like a great effort. It is not just for sexual purity, but varous kinds of sins of excess. Does anyone know of a Roman Catholic equivalent to this site that we can recommend as well? I still have not heard back from my friend in Tulsa about his efforts in this ministry.
It obviously helped the priest who sent his comment - so it must be a good effort as it produced good fruit for him. I just want to alert any readers who choose to make use of this site that it looks to me like a non-denominational effort. Hopefully this group is a true friend of Roman Catholics and does not taint the basic Gospel message with the 'Whore of Babylon' insanity. Perhaps the priest who posted about will have some thoughts... All for now - as usual I will post as time allows. MJP

Purity Ball

Another comment was posted regarding purity. How did I know this would get you men typing? Remember, keep it anonymous! On the last comment to be posted, BigDaddyAZ signed his name - so, though I did not allow his comment to post, BigDaddyAZ had a very great story to share about a group in Colorado who has begun what is called a Father-Daughter Ball - where the MAN promises to live a life of purity and integrity in order to "war for" the heart of his daughter. I might be messing up the wording - so go read it for yourself by clicking below:
Father-Daughter Purity Ball

Here is their opening text - written by a daughter who attended a Father-Daughter Ball:


"As all the dads stood to read the covenent over their daughters, I felt the power of those words sink right into my heart. My father promised to lead a life of integrety and purity for me. He signed his name and I signed as a witness to his words. And as he escorted me to the dance floor I felt empowered by his promise to war for my heart through his life of purity, and I knew my life would never be the same again..."

Okay men if that doesn't challenge you to live what you believe, God help you.

If there is not a similar Father-Son Campfire Event - I hope one of you men will start one. Our sons need to know we stand behind them as fathers who lay down their lives for the sake of their sons as well. How can we NOT cover our sons with this same protection? For the sake of those who do not know how to read comments posted, here is one I did not want you to miss! This comment was also posted last week.

I am a Roman Catholic priest and to the men who confess to sexual sin of any kind - addictive or not I give the following penance: Go to "settingcaptivesfree.com" and work the sexual purity program. This program is anonymous and gives new meaning to the word 'repentance' for those who sign up. The approach rescues those men who feel resigned to sexual sin because their habits span many many years. There IS hope! I share this with the readers of this blog in hopes of helping. It not only helped me; it saved my vocation the priesthood.

God bless you Padre - THANK YOU for a comment that will undoubtedly help many men - husbands, fathers, priests, and some bishops. We have learned that EVERY man deals with sexual temptation at some season in his life. Isn't there a book called "Every Man's Battle"? If anyone has checked into this program - feel free to share your story. I will visit the website, too.

Sexual Purity

Here is a comment to an earlier posting called Sexual Integrity. Here is what someone from Colorado wrote:

I was 13 when I found my dads magazines. It began my 'lust' addiction. Addiction to porn and acting out so far has cost me my job and family. I still crave it and hate it. Wish I could have talked to my dad about it but it was too much for me at that age and thought I'd get in big trouble for snooping. Over 50 from Colorado

I cannot imagine what it did to your understanding of manhood to think that these magazines belonged to your father! God bless you and help you recover. I sent an email to a friend in Tulsa who has a ministry toward those who suffer addiction to pornography. I will post when I hear back from him. Meanwhile, anyone out there who comes across websites that help men in this area - post it in a comment. And not just websites! Give your advice! Stay tuned men, and all you online TEENS - YOU stay tuned, too!

What would they write?

After you are laid to rest, what would your family members write about the kind of man you were? What are you living for? Life is really worth living only if you believe in a truth enough to die for it.

What is your 'message'? The Gospel of Jesus or your very strong opinion? I snapped this photo yesterday and wondered what kind of life these men lead. Good to ponder once in a while...

Sexual Integrity

Sexual integrity is a 'must' in order to be growing into or living out our authentic manhood.

Purity. Not pretending. Real. Intentional.

When a guy makes the decision to rid his life of every external opportunity to incite or feed lust and the sinful behaviors that follow it - he is beginning to take some of the most important strides toward becoming a real man. Teens! You listening here? I KNOW it is amazing to learn about how your bodies work at your age - I remember. But do not allow self-understanding to become a habit of self-gratification. Yes, I know how at your school they may be encouraging such behavior but those who teach such things are 99.9% of the time trying real heard to justify their own habitual sexual sin. Don't buy the lie!

Be pure. Become the men God created you to be. Your future wives will thank those of you called to HOLY MATRIMONY. (Now THERE"S a semester course!) Your future parishioners will thank those of you called to be HOLY Priests. Be pure. It is possible. It is. Do not drink the sweet poison of what the world falsely refers to as 'soft porn'. Yeah, sure, I guess one side of the knife is soft and smooth - like polished steel - but what kills is what is hidden below.

I would be pleasantly surprised to have an actual anonymous conversation with a few hundred of you out there on this subject.
As always - do so without giving your name. If you cannot seem to figure out how to post an anonymous comment - then send an actual letter - you KNOW that would be annonymous! Care of Holy Family P.O. BOX 30414 Edmond, OK 73003

The Root of All Evil

At a truck stop last week we parked our RV for a moment. While I'm in the RV restroom some trucker knocks on the door and tells my wife to "Get the kids and come see! You won't believe what's goin' on over here!" Of course my wife stays in the RV. I get out to see what all the fuss is and between a bunch of trucks is a group of drivers standing around one guy sitting on the pavement. He has three playing cards face down on the ground and fist full of twenty dollar bills. The guy who first approached the RV waves his own fist full of twenty dollar bills while talking very excitedly: "You won't believe this - get in on it while you can - I just made a hundred bucks." Scam artists working together. It reminded me of a bunch of boys in elementary school pitching pennies.

After getting something at the office, I came back through and all the guys were gone - I snapped this photo of the place they were gathered and one lingering driver was very bothered that I was doing such a thing. Maybe it made them think twice about running the scam a second time.

Whenever my oldest son gets too thrilled over the money he has saved. (YES it is a good thing to save money - don't misunderstand!) I temper his excitement by repeating the phrase: "Love of money is the root of all evil."

A good thing for a man to remember - don't you agree? The hard part is that most of us are responsible for providing so it will always be a bit of balancing act. We don't love money - but we sure appreciate having it around. Better to have the phrase drilled into memory. Who knows? Without out it I could've been the guy sitting on the pavement between all those trucks.

Love the phrase a coffee shop owner shared: "The Lord loves me so much he will not give me a penny more than he can trust me with!"

In other news....
My occasional delays in posting are no measure of my interest in this soon-to-be-a-website-blog. I'm still waiting for your postings in the comment section. We are traveling full-time so expect my postings to be delayed. HHmmm I guess most of you men do not recall your early days of formation or you do not think you have any wisdom to share. I'll keep inviting you to add to this and eventually it will get into gear.

Once the web site is up and running we will send out a renewed invitation - meanwhile, keep passing this address along to the men you know.
Later!
MJP

Muscle and Brains

Yesterday we climbed the steps leading up to the highest observation level at Meteor Crater near Winslow, Arizona.
An old guy who works here said the crater is so large, you could hold 20 Super Bowl Games at the same time on the floor of the crater and have enough room to seat 40 million fans around the sides. Amazing to see this thing.

I told my boys (again) to notice the difference between falling and climbing. Our legs were a bit shakey - and since the altitude is higher than Denver, we were also a bit winded. "Constructive thoughts or words of encouragement will strengthen certain muscles. We have to work to climb - and the view is better. Complaining thoughts or words of discouragement will also strengthen certain muscles - but it is less work and not only are you going down, the view is also a 'downer'."

I'm sure my boys thought - "Oh no, there goes Dad, again!"
Even so I'm not giving up. I heard somewhere that a parent repeats instruction about 1,500 times before it begins to change the behavior of a child. I'm up for it.

The wind was so strong they closed down the 'rim tour' for fear someone might be blown off. While climbing the stairs we had rails on either side. The boys were amazed that they could lean so far into the wind and it was holding them up. One gust was so strong it blew us into the other rail on the path. My 2 year old daughter Therese began to cry and I wrapped her in my coat to calm her.

This, too, got me thinking...

You can see faith as a bunch or rules or clear markings to keep you alive. I'm sure some guy somewhere would boast how he is so strong he does not need any railings. Right. Without railings I can picture this same guy shouting the loudest, moving the fastest, covering the greatest distance, just before making the strongest impression on the bottom of the crater 570 feet below.

Work your muscles and use your brains. We men need to be praying for wisdom or we will be lacking in wisdom. We need to be strengthening the right set of muscles to be the best for our wives and children. This week I was a bit of a whiner - I hope to do better next week. I hope the same for you. (Dads AND Teens - test this out. See how when you work the right set of muscles you can lift up the mood of your family.)

Waiting and Praying

My friend Bob tells me this image always reminds him of the father waiting for his prodigal son.

I like that.

I also think of a farmer praying the Angelus or praying for rain...

When will I learn to wait on God?
God waits for us.

He offers wisdom and gives strength. He blesses the humble. Lifts up the lowly. Brings down the mighty from their thrones.

Which one are you?

Are you a Priest, Brother, Husband, or Father who puts yourself up on some kind of throne?
If so... I gotta tell you - you're coming down. Sooner or later.

You can humble yourself now or be humbled later.
Walk in humility or fall in humiliation.

God alone is worthy of the throne.

Ocean Time and Teen Response

Here the guys were running up to the edge of the water and taunting the waves - then rushing back in. No sand. All rocks so the sound was a lot like thunder as the water pulled back. Great time. I wrote more about a prayer experience on our family blog called "Along the Way" found at holyfamilynow.com.

To the teen who posted a comment to the "Men: Don't Be Afraid" post below:

I will post your comment here along with my response throughout. Your misunderstanding of what I said might be very important to clarify for others. You wrote:

I'm not sure that it's fair to say you won't reveal your son's questions because you might betray his confidence, then to ask other people to share their stories when they might have similar confidences.

First of all - I thank you for taking the time to comment. It gives me a chance to clarify this important point. I am NOT asking anyone to do something that I am not willing to do. When I say I do not want to betray my son's confidence, it means I cannot share our discussions until we collect enough comments. Once we have enough questions sent in, I will definitely add the questions my son asks as well. That way no one will know which are his or someone else's. Anyone else posting the questions of their sons (or daughters) betray nothing since no one knows who they are. This blog is close to becoming a website where we can present various discussions in easy-to-find places. Does that help clarify my intent? Hope so.

Either way I am a teen and I find any sort of discussion of sex with my parents to be revolting because I can't help but picture them doing it (which is a disgusting thought).

Revolting? A good first reaction to such a thought. It will help you turn away from such thoughts and preserve the privacy of your parents. Imagine how troubling it might be for parents to imagine their child dwelling on such incredibly personal moments as their marital embrace? Since you describe it as 'revolting' it seems you have 'pictured them doing it' anyway. Here I can share what I told my son after I first spoke with him about the technical side of the marital embrace. "It is very strange for me to speak with you about this. It is so sacred and so private for your mother and for me. But I need to explain this to you before you hear it the wrong way from someone else. Every person in the history of the world was created this way - except for Jesus. " At that point my son said 'Every person?' "Yes. And now that you know the way it happens - your job is to clothe every marital embrace in privacy. It is not right for you to uncover the marital embrace of any married couple in your thoughts."

What about when the thoughts come anyway? Count on it. They will. At one point or another every father and mother has come to the realization that their own parents shared the marital embrace. Many, like you, quickly changed the channel in their minds. This is better than trying not to think of something. Trying not to think of something is a great way to think about the very thing you're trying to avoid. Changing channels means you think of something else. Something better. With practice it can be a simple as that. All this to say fear of having a thought should not keep you from having discussions with your mother or father.

While I am slightly estranged from my father, my mother and I are very close. We discuss nearly everything, but that. I realize that sex is a beautiful thing etc etc, but my mother represents something more to me than that, and I see it as just another perk of becoming joined to another person until death. It is good in and of itself (within a good mariage), but that good is subordinate to (as well as a small part of) the greater good of marital togetherness and unity. I do find it hard to overcome hormones, but Jesus and the saints (particularly Mary) help me. I do not need to bring my mother into it because from my point of view it would damage our relationship.

There is more I could say in response to this last paragraph - but my family is waking up and I need to sign off to be Husband and Dad. Since you are currently not in contact with your father, and you are too uncomfortable to speak with your mother about this - feel free to use this blog to at least have some of your questions answered. The men who read and post here have wisdom to share.

I love your music by the way.

Thank you. Now since I do not know who you are - go ahead and post your questions anonymously - along with what you think the answer might be - and hopefully the men reading this will post the answers they would give their sons. Men, I want you to continue posting anonymously and I will add my own answers anonymously with yours.

Men: DON'T BE AFRAID!

Thank you to the alert reader who just e-mailed me an article from Reuters. I tried to get reprint permission but found no clear directions "how" on their home site.
I will reprint parts of it and you can go on your own to www.reuters.com to look for yourself. The article is entitled: "Parents urged to go beyond the 'big talk' about sex."

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Parents should consider having repeated discussions with their children about many aspects of sex instead of one "big talk" on impersonal topics linked to sexuality such as puberty, researchers said on Monday.
"Parents who take a checklist approach... are unlikely to have as great an influence ... as parents who introduce new sexual topics and then develop them through repeated discussions," said their report published in the journal Pediatrics.

The study, entitled "Beyond the 'Big Talk,'" used written surveys given to 312 children in Southern California aged 11 to 15 to assess how frequent and candid their conversations were with their parents about sex.

The more parents talked with their children, the closer their relationships, wrote researchers Steven Martino and colleagues at the Rand Corporation.

The relationships also benefited when the discussions moved beyond "safe" or impersonal subjects such as puberty, reproduction and sexually transmitted diseases to more private topics such as masturbation and how sex feels.

Mothers tended to discuss twice as many sexual topics with their children... as fathers did, the study said.

The report cited earlier studies that showed children who were communicated with were more likely to delay intercourse...

Men! (to quote a Christopher West phrase: "I'm not making this stuff up!") We need to get off our couches and get on our knees to pray for our sons and daughters. Then stop being afraid to talk some wisdom into our children. I know I know - I was trembling last year just thinking about how the heck to bring this subject up. But now I am proof that letting this time in a boy's life become an ongoing conversation truly does bring us closer together.

The more of you who sign in (not with your names, please) the sooner I can 'blend in' my discussions with my oldest son along with yours. I will not betray his confidence by exposing his questions and our discussions to the world.

As your son or daughter asks questions about sex, marriage, life, puberty, etc. - send them in along with your answers.

If they have not yet begun asking - then send in the questions YOU had way back when - along with the answers that would have helped you the most. I need your help. 

Don't be afraid! Be brave and get typing!

MJP

Obedience

Somebody was given the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven and it wasn't me.

What kind of man you are (or are becoming) is determined by your answer to the following question:

Who has authority over you?

In my early days, I rejected the Pope as having any authority over me. I remember my thought process; looking at pictures of him (Pope Paul VI) and thinking to myself: "Who is he to know more about God than me? He seems arrogant. He seems out of touch..." Trouble was and truth was NO ONE had any authority over me. I was my own pope and it was my opinion that was arrogant. Yes I called myself Roman Catholic but I rejected the authority of the Pope and put myself in the ultimate position of making a final decision about faith and morals. Don't get me wrong - I still claimed to love and serve Jesus as my Lord and because I was so devoted to Jesus, I was willing to overlook his obvious mistake in giving the keys of the kingdom to Peter. 

For a brief time I pretended to like the opinion of those who claimed the Scripture really meant that anyone at all who calls Jesus 'the Son of God, the Messiah' was given the same keys. But can you imagine the insanity of things being bound and released on earth and in Heaven if everyone had those keys? So that stupidity fell apart quickly.

I was content to be the leader for a long time. Then I began to be honest with myself and admit to the lie I was living. I was not a fearless leader in the area of faith and morals. I was more arrogant than I imagined the pope to be. I was a fool.

Truth was and is: Jesus did things on purpose. He was born 'in the fullness of time' - on purpose.  He gave the keys of the kingdom to one person - on purpose.  He did not give the keys to the whole group of guys that day. Just as he does not give the keys to everyone who says, "Lord, Lord!" No mistake.

As much as some might hate this idea: Someone was given authority to lead and guide; to shepherd. Our culture despises this truth. Do you?

The Roman guard who asked for Jesus to heal his servant knew something about authority. So... who has authority over you? Your parish priest? Your Bishop? The Pope?

If you reject the authority of your parish priest I challenge you to get your heart right.

You might say: "But my parish priest openly mocks the authority of our Bishop (or Pope)!"

Jesus taught those who were under hypocritical leadership: "Do what they say but do not follow their example."

If your parish priest mocks the authority of his Bishop or our Pope - and I have witnessed such behavior - get one or more other men in your parish to join you and get on your knees to pray for him, fast for him, fight battles for him and when your own heart is right, befriend him. That's what comes to my mind. What do you priests say about this? What is a man to do when his pastor mocks the idea of authority - or preaches his opinion in place of the truth?

More to come - I'm certain.

Bit-O-Wisdom #47

(Photo courtesy of Grace Minton)

Somewhere in the world is a guy who thinks having strong opinions makes him more of a man. Somebody help him!

Strong opinions can mean nothing more than you may be very loud and obnoxious. Or simply stubborn of heart. 

The men who have impressed me most growing up - my father, for example, are men of conviction. 

Steady. 

Prayerful. 

Men engaged in the process of converting their hearts toward the fulness of truth. 

Follow their examples and you will grow to be a better man. 

You will also be a light to others. 

You can't do that without silence and prayer.

You teens wandering the graveyards of the internet, I hope you wander onto this blog and read the wisdom being gathered here.

This is a rescue mission. 

Compare it to the drivel you surf across most days on the internet. 

Don't give up or be swayed because some runny nosed web designer finds a way to present his opinion on an impressive web page. 

Sift the contents. 

Strive for strong convictions based on truth - NOT on opinion. 

It will take you further down the road of life.

Rule Number 1

'Rule Number One' is the title of a song sung by David Wilcox. I share this song with every young lady who is of dating age - because I think it has a great tune, catchy beat, and excellent advice for every young lady.

Hopefully some guy will see himself in the song and change his ways. Remember when I told my boys that part of being a man means to protect the women in your life - be it your mother, wife, sister, daughter?

This is one of the qualities of authentic manhood. the song cleverly describes a date in-progress where everything is just right - or at least it seems to be that way. 'Till the service was slow' and the guy on the date starts abusing the waiter... The singer states the rule number one is RUN. 'Get up and run, don't walk, don't wait. Rule number one: don't hesitate - your date is done. Run.' 

I'm here in Houston at a hotel and last night I made the stupid mistake of flicking channels. What I saw made me so sick to my stomach the t.v. was shut off and I found myself wanting to gather every father's daughter in the world to protect her from the demented men who would mistreat them.

Men! BE TRUE MEN. Knock off this pursuit of pleasure that degrades women meant to be princesses and queens. Start being men again - or start learning for the first time. Young women stop settling for less and demand that your date have the heart of a man.

If he refuses... remember rule number one: RUN. 

When I think of what young people are being exposed to today I feel more motivated than ever to get this blog turned into a website. I want to gather the collective wisdom from you men out there. Make no mistake - I'll keep on posting till I croak but I am not the only one with wisdom to share. Of course from time to time my opinion will seep through and hopefully someone out there will challenge me. I love a challenge. Go for it.

If you see no need to correct me - then tell me your story or share your wisdom.

Click on the word 'comment' below this post and start typing!

61 year old Taxi Driver

I'm sitting on the plane here in LA about to fly to Houston.

Can't pronounce his name but a taxi driver was very excited to share his wisdom for me to pass along to young men in America. As usual, I will paraphrase:

"In my village in Africa, when one is 6 years old - his life really begins, his heart begins to beat with knowledge. By ten he is on his own. Not like in America. In America, the child is on his own from the start because Mother works and Father works. He learns from those at school and at sports and from the daycare worker. He will not share what he learns from these places with his mom and dad. They must ask him and even then sometimes he will not say...

I would tell young men in America that maybe you have a bunch of money - that is not important. Maybe you have many things - that is not important. Maybe you have much popularity - that is not important.

As you grow to be a man - what is most important is that you have a good heart and you make wise choices. You cannot do this with drugs or alcohol. You cannot do this just because you might have a lot of money. Pleasure cannot lead you to the truth - only to more pleasure and eventually it will sicken you.

I told my children: You will not get a dime from me. You will get guidance. You may not leave this home unless you have a college degree. That is the way it is with me. My daughter is a doctor already in Australia - she is very happy. I told her: 'Your life will be a good and happy one.'

People sometimes mistreat me because I am a taxi driver. Sometimes I must teach them to be kind - so if they abuse me before they get into my cab, I say I'm sorry, this cab is not for you after all. And I drive away. This happened last week with a young woman about 35 years of age. She argued with me and called me stupid before she ever got in the cab. I drove off without her and she was very mad but I teach her to be more respectful to the next taxi driver.

This behavior I expect from a teenager - not from someone who is 35 or more. I expect they gain wisdom as they age. Some people do not. I would tell young men today. Strive for wisdom. Not just to say smart things - but to be wise. That is all.

Amazing but True!

This is a photo of 'Rex', our alligator head, and my son John Paul. We were traveling with Rex in the storage compartment under the RV but right now he's in Oklahoma. 

Well in the last post I tried video and so far it does not look like it worked. Live and learn. 

Below is a story one man told me and I have shared it numerous times. Each time I think of posting it, I hesitate because I do not want to offend anyone. But this is such a perfect example of how tragic the situation IS out in the real world.... 

I still cannot bring myself to type the exact words so you will need to use your imagination and fill in the blanks on this one. This is a 53 year old husband and father from Oregon. I will paraphrase what he told me:

I was home with a fever the day they showed the slideshow on reproduction to my sixth grade class. My mom, a quiet midwest farmer's wife, came in, sat on the edge of my bed and said, "Son I guess you know they're watching the slideshow in school today." 

"Yes Ma'am." 

"I guess you know what that's about."

"Yes Ma'am."

(silence as mom looks at the floor...)

"Son, I'm only gonna tell you this once."

(another few seconds of silence)

"Keep your car out of the ditches

your peter in your britches

and you won't get the itches

from the (ethnic group) b_tches."

Then she gets up and leaves the room. Remember, I am in bed with a fever."

I asked this man if his father had told him anything...

"No he didn't. He probably would have said, 'Go watch the damn cows!"

Amazing - but true! Any questions as to why I feel this blog is needed?

God help us. 

Again I thank those of you who have posted comments. Though I cannot see who you are - I am glad for your stories. Those of you who have not yet posted - the rest of us look forward to hearing your stories and/or your advice. Your comment does not have to be as dramatic as this one. There is no need to try to 'top this'. Maybe someone out there needs to hear it for the one hundredth time before he decides to overcome his fear and make a difference in his son's life. This blog is intended to make it easier for you men. 

Texas Salesman: "The closest I ever came to talking with my father about sex was after I was caught writing the 'F' word in school. They sent a note home and my dad sat down with me and asked: "Did you write this word?" I said 'yessir'. "Do you know what this means?" I said yessir. "Well, don't tell your mother." And that was it! That was the nearest thing to 'the talk' that I ever got.

Arizona Firefighter: "My dad left us when I was 12 - he didn't tell me anything... please start that blog."

Oklahoma Businessman: "Someone slid a book about reproduction under my door one night. To this day I have no idea if it was my mom or dad. We never spoke about it."

Your turn.

The "Grow The Heart of a Man" name

Okay Here's a test to see if a video post will work. So far it does not look like any of the video came through...
I'm trying to approach this blogging effort using as much technology as I can - to see what might work and what does not work. Let me know if short video postings are helpful or a waste of time. This one explains how I came up with the name for this blog and, God willing, the future website.

And Counting...

Amazing. So far... as of today NOT ONE MAN was given what he felt was adequate guidance regarding his passage into manhood. I can see the number of people reading this blog continues slowly growing which tells me there is interest out there. Surprise, surprise - right? Anytime you new readers want to post a comment - read the "how to" post and type away: 1) How did you learn about the facts of life? 2) How do you wish you would have learned? Simple.

What I see in most cases where a young boy was given a 'talking to'... first of all congratulations to you men who tried to bring up the subject - I'm sure it was more than you were given. But a 'talking to' is not enough. It was not enough in the fifties and it certainly is not enough in today's culture. For the sake of those men who are not online, you may not be aware that there are plenty of twisted, conflicting opinions flooding the internet, T.V., movies, and now cell phones (!) regarding sexuality. This is a train wreck waiting to happen and I want to get our boys to safety.

Our sons need to be better equipped than past generations. The 'talking to' needs to include a 'listening to' for all the new questions being stirred in their minds by the world. God willing, this blog will become a website with an area dedicated to the millions of questions we can expect from our sons - along with a few million possible answers.

The 'talk' MUST be about more than the mechanics of sex. We need to begin presenting more of the frame work as well. With my 12 year old son, the wording I use teaches something. I do not speak about a man and a woman 'having sex'. Yes, I let him know he will hear the world speak of it that way - but there is so much more to it than that. I told him there is so much more to this than the world knows and it happens when a husband and wife 'share the marital embrace'. I want to put this in context from the start so as he is confronted by the language of our culture - built into the foundation of his knowledge is the term: marital embrace... This sacred exchange is meant to be shared in the context of marriage. Anything outside that embrace - pornography, masturbation, or fornication... degrades the beauty of this gift and diminishes your manhood.

One of my goals here is to encourage you not to forsake your calling as a man, a husband, a father. I'm talking to you single men, too. Don't think for a minute that you are not in some way a husband-figure or a father-figure for someone in your life. I want you to be the man, too, and not ignore your responsibility.

Teen-aged boys who wander into this site - please do not be fooled by the absurd examples of so-called 'men' you see on television. Real life is much different than what most screen writers are feeding you.

Young ladies, I know some of you will find this site, too... so for you: A couple of days ago I heard this great truth from a young mother. She told some of the 14 year old girls she teaches: "Do you want to know one way to tell the difference between a boy and a man? A boy will want to have sex with you now - a man will wait until you are his wife."

You girls who feel pressured into sex with a boy or a man who does not have the heart of a man - I pass along to you a term that I hope will haunt you in a good way. Years ago I remember a man sharing his remorse with me over his abuse of women. He said that in earlier years when he was so sexually active with a number of women - for him it was nothing more than "Sport-F---ing". Remember that term, young ladies, and may it give you a blast of confidence when you boldly tell the little boy or the man with a boys heart, "Sorry 'sport' but you need to visit this website and look me up after you grow the heart of a man."

The so-called 'sexual revolution' is not bearing good fruit. Almost every man I ask says pretty much the same thing: "I wasn't told a thing." "I wasn't given any guidance in this area." "I wish I had been given some advice." "I wish I could have had some answers to my questions."

This blog is another type of revolution. Not a return to the silence of the past - but a return to the common sense and wisdom of the past fused with the technology of today. I feel hopeful.
MJP

Fishers of men

Yost Lake, borrowed fishing poles, a dock. Yes we caught some fish. No we did not eat them - but the memory of the moment still feeds us.

I love that Jesus went out on the boat with Peter. I love how he got involved with the lives of the men he spoke to and called to ministry.

Years ago a Bishop told me about his change of heart regarding the way he treated priests in his diocese. After one of his priests shared a struggle with feeling alone, the Bishop suggested he get himself a dog. Later he called this priest to say he would be his friend, and began meeting with him on a more regular basis.

In marriage or in the priesthood, it is possible to distance ourselves from our spouse or community. Boundaries are a good thing - but not if all vulnerability is cut off. I hear stories and see evidence of dead marriages as well as confused priests.

Most of us have heard the term 'dead-beat dad'. It describes a would-be father who is not sharing in the upbringing or the financial cost of raising his own children. Most dead-beat dads begin first as a dead-beat husbands. Men would do well to speak up more often when we see signs of sickness in another man - whether he is a priest, married, or single.

We need each other. It is not just a man thing - it is a human thing.

I am thankful for the men in my life who challenge me to think and grow - to do better. My father tells me every once in awhile: "To whom much is given; much is expected." I have been given an enormous gift in my wife and children - and yes, much is expected - and here I am not referring to the 'honey-do' list.

Somedays it is the most natural thing in the world while other times I need to make a conscious effort to be present to my wife and children. It is so easy to stay in work-mode. Work is good because it ensures that there will be food and clothing; being present is equally vital as it feeds the heart and soul of the family.

Speaking of being present... my 2 year old daughter just got up from her nap and is asking me, "Papa, can I hold you?"
Gotta go...
MJP