Instruction

Here are my two guys out to take on the world.

Imagine me letting them walk out into the wild without giving them some kind of instruction! That is what this blog is for - to help all of us be better able to advise, encourage, guide, and assist our sons (and daughters) before we send them off to find their way in the world...

Thank you for the first two comments - I know others will have something to say after reading them. I am going to keep coming back to my two basic questions for this conversation.

1) How/when did you learn about the facts of life

2) How do you wish you would have learned?

Many men reading this are getting ready to have this conversation for the first time with their sons. Your memories of what did work and what did not work will help tremendously. Note to mantoman (read his first comment in last post) How did you learn about the facts of life if your father did not speak to you about it? And do you wish you would have found out another way?

I remember a kid I walked home with almost everyday in 7th grade. He seemed to know everything and, according to what he said, had to have been the most sexually active kid in the school (he was lying, of course). I cringe to think of the things he told me and, like So Cal Padre, it pulled me in the direction of objectifying women. Not good. 

I agree that life lessons are not learned in short or long conversations, but a word of advice from your father certainly would not have hurt - right? It is easy to assume our sons will just come up and ask us if they have a question but that is what they do with peers - not their dad.

In future posts I will share as much as I can with you about my first (and ongoing) conversation with my son. My challenge will be to preserve his privacy so that he does not sue me when he is older! (Ha Ha) This much I can share right now: We had 200 miles to drive that night. He was in the passenger seat and everyone else was sound asleep. It was a perfect setting. 

So Cal Padre, (and you other readers!) when you have time, please write a bit about how your Dad brought up the subject, what was the setting, what you might recall him saying and if that worked - at least as an introduction to the subject matter. You already know by what I've written I totally agree with you that other conversations would have helped - what questions you have in 6th grade are very different from the kind of questions you have as a graduating senior.

It's late and I gotta be up early tomorrow. I look forward to hearing your comments. Feel free to forward this blog to other men you know. I will check comments to publish them as time allows. And if I do not post again for a few days or longer - know that I am just being a dad.

The Heart of a Man

One night at bedtime when my two sons were 5 and 9 years old... I placed a hand over each of their hearts and prayed: "Dear God, bless my boys. Let each of them grow the heart of a man before their body grows into the body of a man."

Of course I had never heard a prayer like that and neither had they so when they asked me what it meant I told them, "Boys you gotta know there are a lot of men running around in this world with the body of a man but they never grew the heart of a man. You boys are meant to be an example by the way you let your hearts change before your body changes. The world needs more men who are strong in faith. Muscle means nothing if your spirit is weak...

First Post

So far the only chance I have had to work on this Blog is late night/early morning. So be it. My boys are snoozing five feet away on their pull-out couch. Find out more about RV life at our website: holyfamilynow.com and our family blog: "Along the Way".

But do me a favor: Keep this blog private... for now. This one is an invitation only blog and what is posted here is meant to stay here if at all possible - at least for now. It is designed specifically for men be they single, married, priest, deacon, brother. You are among those invited by personal invitation. 

You are Musicians, Doctors, Priests, Corporate Executives, Blue Collar Workers, Artists, Builders, Lawyers, Religious, Single, Truck Drivers, Firefighters, Married, Deacons, Dads, Police Officers, Soldiers, Businessmen, Young Adults, Grandfathers, and those who ache to be dads... 

My first goal is to gather your insight to help fathers who have never had 'The Talk" with their teen aged sons. Up until a couple months ago, I was freaking out about the "who-what-when-why-where-and-how-much-to-share" anxiety. As it turns out "The Talk" began when I was not planning for it to begin... and it turned out to be one really wonderful beginning of a conversation. It was very important to me to tell my (12 year old) son more than once that this conversation would last for the next 5 to 10 years and beyond.

There is no way on earth I am going to abandon him to navigate the currents of testosterone that are beginning to course through his veins. I told him that he could ask me ANY question about this subject and I would answer to the best of my ability.

Like most of you, I had maybe a thirty second window to talk with my own father about this when I was in sixth grade. The window was open, I was too uneasy to ask the questions I had and then the window was closed. My guess is that it was more than he was given by his father.

Anyone else out there want to join me in providing ideas, answers, situations, wisdom, advice, stories, prayers, etc to persuade a million men out there to become anchors for their sons (and daughters) at a critical stage of growth in this pivotal time in the history of our culture?

Eventually some of what we share will be offered to single moms and those teen aged boys who have no father to talk with about their changing bodies. They are badly in need of advice and reassurance as they face the whirlwind of colliding opinions our culture is shoving at them regarding what it means to be a man in this day and age.

Here's a secret: Nothing has changed in that regard over the past few thousand years. Our culture is just going through an identity crisis and wants our children to share in the confusion. God wants to give our children peace and direction. 

This will probably be a book. You men know we need it.

Men need a boost to help them talk to their sons about faith formation, finance, holy matrimony, purity, sexual development, virtue, sacrifice, - all things pertaining to growing toward authentic manhood.

You are invited to participate. Please keep your e-mail address private and sign up with a fake name so we can get right to the heart of issues more quickly.

Men have been sharing bits of wisdom and tragedy with me for the last twenty years. Each time I hear a new story I am more convinced a blog like this can do a great service. Every time a man tells me he was never told a thing about reproduction from his father - I am more determined to get this blog going.

I mean - come on! We get an entire semester course on driver's training right? What is with this five minute talk on the reproductive drive? Not okay.

When you post - please give your approximate age (late 40s, early 50s) and the state you were born in or where you live. You are among the first one hundred invitations sent out. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Okay men, here are my first two questions for you.

1) How did you learn about the facts of life?

2) How do you wish you would have learned?

Thanks for stopping by - now sign in with your fake name and start typing!

Remember I will review and edit comments if needed - I need to retain control because I am a controlling kind of guy - but also to ensure this discussion does not get too off base.

If you have e-mail addresseses of men you would like me to invite - put 'em in an e-mail and send it to me at holyfamilynow@mac.com