Amazing but True!

This is a photo of 'Rex', our alligator head, and my son John Paul. We were traveling with Rex in the storage compartment under the RV but right now he's in Oklahoma. 

Well in the last post I tried video and so far it does not look like it worked. Live and learn. 

Below is a story one man told me and I have shared it numerous times. Each time I think of posting it, I hesitate because I do not want to offend anyone. But this is such a perfect example of how tragic the situation IS out in the real world.... 

I still cannot bring myself to type the exact words so you will need to use your imagination and fill in the blanks on this one. This is a 53 year old husband and father from Oregon. I will paraphrase what he told me:

I was home with a fever the day they showed the slideshow on reproduction to my sixth grade class. My mom, a quiet midwest farmer's wife, came in, sat on the edge of my bed and said, "Son I guess you know they're watching the slideshow in school today." 

"Yes Ma'am." 

"I guess you know what that's about."

"Yes Ma'am."

(silence as mom looks at the floor...)

"Son, I'm only gonna tell you this once."

(another few seconds of silence)

"Keep your car out of the ditches

your peter in your britches

and you won't get the itches

from the (ethnic group) b_tches."

Then she gets up and leaves the room. Remember, I am in bed with a fever."

I asked this man if his father had told him anything...

"No he didn't. He probably would have said, 'Go watch the damn cows!"

Amazing - but true! Any questions as to why I feel this blog is needed?

God help us. 

Again I thank those of you who have posted comments. Though I cannot see who you are - I am glad for your stories. Those of you who have not yet posted - the rest of us look forward to hearing your stories and/or your advice. Your comment does not have to be as dramatic as this one. There is no need to try to 'top this'. Maybe someone out there needs to hear it for the one hundredth time before he decides to overcome his fear and make a difference in his son's life. This blog is intended to make it easier for you men. 

Texas Salesman: "The closest I ever came to talking with my father about sex was after I was caught writing the 'F' word in school. They sent a note home and my dad sat down with me and asked: "Did you write this word?" I said 'yessir'. "Do you know what this means?" I said yessir. "Well, don't tell your mother." And that was it! That was the nearest thing to 'the talk' that I ever got.

Arizona Firefighter: "My dad left us when I was 12 - he didn't tell me anything... please start that blog."

Oklahoma Businessman: "Someone slid a book about reproduction under my door one night. To this day I have no idea if it was my mom or dad. We never spoke about it."

Your turn.

The "Grow The Heart of a Man" name

Okay Here's a test to see if a video post will work. So far it does not look like any of the video came through...
I'm trying to approach this blogging effort using as much technology as I can - to see what might work and what does not work. Let me know if short video postings are helpful or a waste of time. This one explains how I came up with the name for this blog and, God willing, the future website.

And Counting...

Amazing. So far... as of today NOT ONE MAN was given what he felt was adequate guidance regarding his passage into manhood. I can see the number of people reading this blog continues slowly growing which tells me there is interest out there. Surprise, surprise - right? Anytime you new readers want to post a comment - read the "how to" post and type away: 1) How did you learn about the facts of life? 2) How do you wish you would have learned? Simple.

What I see in most cases where a young boy was given a 'talking to'... first of all congratulations to you men who tried to bring up the subject - I'm sure it was more than you were given. But a 'talking to' is not enough. It was not enough in the fifties and it certainly is not enough in today's culture. For the sake of those men who are not online, you may not be aware that there are plenty of twisted, conflicting opinions flooding the internet, T.V., movies, and now cell phones (!) regarding sexuality. This is a train wreck waiting to happen and I want to get our boys to safety.

Our sons need to be better equipped than past generations. The 'talking to' needs to include a 'listening to' for all the new questions being stirred in their minds by the world. God willing, this blog will become a website with an area dedicated to the millions of questions we can expect from our sons - along with a few million possible answers.

The 'talk' MUST be about more than the mechanics of sex. We need to begin presenting more of the frame work as well. With my 12 year old son, the wording I use teaches something. I do not speak about a man and a woman 'having sex'. Yes, I let him know he will hear the world speak of it that way - but there is so much more to it than that. I told him there is so much more to this than the world knows and it happens when a husband and wife 'share the marital embrace'. I want to put this in context from the start so as he is confronted by the language of our culture - built into the foundation of his knowledge is the term: marital embrace... This sacred exchange is meant to be shared in the context of marriage. Anything outside that embrace - pornography, masturbation, or fornication... degrades the beauty of this gift and diminishes your manhood.

One of my goals here is to encourage you not to forsake your calling as a man, a husband, a father. I'm talking to you single men, too. Don't think for a minute that you are not in some way a husband-figure or a father-figure for someone in your life. I want you to be the man, too, and not ignore your responsibility.

Teen-aged boys who wander into this site - please do not be fooled by the absurd examples of so-called 'men' you see on television. Real life is much different than what most screen writers are feeding you.

Young ladies, I know some of you will find this site, too... so for you: A couple of days ago I heard this great truth from a young mother. She told some of the 14 year old girls she teaches: "Do you want to know one way to tell the difference between a boy and a man? A boy will want to have sex with you now - a man will wait until you are his wife."

You girls who feel pressured into sex with a boy or a man who does not have the heart of a man - I pass along to you a term that I hope will haunt you in a good way. Years ago I remember a man sharing his remorse with me over his abuse of women. He said that in earlier years when he was so sexually active with a number of women - for him it was nothing more than "Sport-F---ing". Remember that term, young ladies, and may it give you a blast of confidence when you boldly tell the little boy or the man with a boys heart, "Sorry 'sport' but you need to visit this website and look me up after you grow the heart of a man."

The so-called 'sexual revolution' is not bearing good fruit. Almost every man I ask says pretty much the same thing: "I wasn't told a thing." "I wasn't given any guidance in this area." "I wish I had been given some advice." "I wish I could have had some answers to my questions."

This blog is another type of revolution. Not a return to the silence of the past - but a return to the common sense and wisdom of the past fused with the technology of today. I feel hopeful.
MJP

Fishers of men

Yost Lake, borrowed fishing poles, a dock. Yes we caught some fish. No we did not eat them - but the memory of the moment still feeds us.

I love that Jesus went out on the boat with Peter. I love how he got involved with the lives of the men he spoke to and called to ministry.

Years ago a Bishop told me about his change of heart regarding the way he treated priests in his diocese. After one of his priests shared a struggle with feeling alone, the Bishop suggested he get himself a dog. Later he called this priest to say he would be his friend, and began meeting with him on a more regular basis.

In marriage or in the priesthood, it is possible to distance ourselves from our spouse or community. Boundaries are a good thing - but not if all vulnerability is cut off. I hear stories and see evidence of dead marriages as well as confused priests.

Most of us have heard the term 'dead-beat dad'. It describes a would-be father who is not sharing in the upbringing or the financial cost of raising his own children. Most dead-beat dads begin first as a dead-beat husbands. Men would do well to speak up more often when we see signs of sickness in another man - whether he is a priest, married, or single.

We need each other. It is not just a man thing - it is a human thing.

I am thankful for the men in my life who challenge me to think and grow - to do better. My father tells me every once in awhile: "To whom much is given; much is expected." I have been given an enormous gift in my wife and children - and yes, much is expected - and here I am not referring to the 'honey-do' list.

Somedays it is the most natural thing in the world while other times I need to make a conscious effort to be present to my wife and children. It is so easy to stay in work-mode. Work is good because it ensures that there will be food and clothing; being present is equally vital as it feeds the heart and soul of the family.

Speaking of being present... my 2 year old daughter just got up from her nap and is asking me, "Papa, can I hold you?"
Gotta go...
MJP

Fr Larry

Father "Larry" told me he was baptized the night he was born, and before leaving after the baptism, the priest told his family, "Name him 'Larry' - he's going to be a priest!"

Fr Larry went on to say, "All my life, my father told me, 'I'd rather you be a bum in the gutter, than a mediocre priest... a bum in the gutter!' WHAT am I supposed to do with that?!"

Thank you Fr Larry, for being anything but mediocre! I now tell my two boys: "If you choose to become a priest or a husband, I'd rather you be bums in the gutter than mediocre priests or husbands! Bums in the gutter!"

They laugh because of the wild accent I use - but they get my meaning. Then I make sure and review how I'm doing living out my own convictions...

As soon as we can get this blog site made into a web site - we'll organize it better so you can see whatever topic interests you most... meanwhile, if you're a first time visitor, be sure and scroll down for all the posts below. And if you're NOT a first time visitor just keep mulling over the stories you might add to this blog. Then... add them!
MJP

How To Read or Post a Comment

(Photo courtesy of Grace Minton)

Enough of you have asked HOW to read or post a comment. Until the website is up and running, I will post this "How To" text at the beginning of each month.

At the bottom of each post you will see a number followed by the word: "Comments" It looks like this: 0 comments - or - 3 comments.

The number zero tells you that zero comments have been added to that particular post. To read what others have posted, or to add your own comment, click on the word: "Comments" located at the bottom of each of my posts.

A smaller window should open up that shows any comments others have added. Scroll down in that smaller window and at the end is where you can add your own thoughts.

You are given a choice to use your e-mail address, make up a nickname, or simply add a comment as 'anonymous'. I am asking all of you to sing in as 'anonymous' - this is very simple, very private, and there is no way for me as the blog-author to know who you are unless you send me a separate e-mail. I am fine keeping this totally anonymous. 

Until the official website is open, I will re-post these instructions near the beginning of each month for those who are still learning how to use a blog. If you prefer, you can send an e-mail directly to me at holyfamilynow@mac.com. If you're writing a novel, send it as a word doc or some other text file and I will add some or all of the text in one of my posts.

Thank you,
MJP

Battle Strategy

Let's face it. We are in the midst of a battle - most likely more than one. The ongoing discussion in the comment area of Papa x 4 prompts me to post the comment below. It was suggested in early January by B.R. from San Francsico and I think it is one of the best suggestions about "What to do" since most of us men want to 'fix' everything. In regards to scandal... broken homes... abuse of power... cultural confusion about what it means to be a man... I post this for you to ponder as a strategy for the battle(s) we are engaged in today:

Here are portions of what B.R. wrote:

... deficiencies in "fathering" and an overall decline in the appreciation and reverence for fatherhood in our society... has hurt us all more than most understand... and MUCH needs to be done to restore and rebuild...

...how important prayer and penance are and will be to draw down graces of healing and renewal both in our society and in our Church--particularly with respect to marriage and family life.
...greater effectiveness and positive change will come from as many people as possible committing themselves to authentic conversion of heart and penance for wrongs... injustices and infidelity too great and too destructive to even measure.

B.R. San Francisco (age 51)
1/10/2008 12:22 PM

B.R.'s complete comment can be viewed in the comment area of the post entitled: "Stephen from across the Ocean"