In honor of our Veterans

Wow. I was sitting in my truck this morning and one block ahead I see flags, soldiers, children, and a marching band moving across the intersection. How great is that?

I have not written in a couple months (and neither have YOU!) so there is much to share. Of course I will do this bit by bit over the next few weeks. I offer no excuses here - just good solid reasons for being a little absent from this blog.

Busy serving, discerning, living... you know, being a husband and father, plus home and mobile home upkeep, travel, and tons of other things.

More observations, more insight from conversation with other men. Dads, Priests, Single, Divorced, Married, Separated, Soldiers, Officers, and Civilians like me.

Any of us who have fought the fight of every man, the fight to remain pure, the decision to keep our promises as we live our vows, to remain faithful, the commitment to walk forward on the path of holiness...

I salute you all.

Soldiers who depend totally on uniform or title to gloss over a lack of integrity actually dishonor the uniform and title. Soldiers who are doing everything they can to keep family together, keep their hearts open to God, maintain some kind of balance in an unbalanced world, and still foster hope within are some of the most valiant people I have ever met.

Today we hold up the men and women who have served in the armed forces. I recently offered music and stories to the families at Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany. Wish I had a few hours to write about all that I observed.

For instance, I noticed something about military families; they are well aware of the reality of battle and it helps them avoid much of the small-talk gossip that poisons other communities. Yes, it is still there, but to a much lesser degree than I've seen in some areas of civilian culture.

One story of the ongoing battle for most of us men: During a visit to Langley AFB in Virginia, I am driving the rental car to my hotel when a big wave of temptation knocks me upside the head. I shake my head and think how weird it is to have that happen so suddenly and with such force. It alerts me to proceed carefully.

I open the door to my room and there atop the TV is a sign that reads something like: "This TV offers bad movies. To block access to these bad movies, you must call the front desk and request that they be blocked." So I called the front desk and said, "What a stupid temptation to have such movies available! Please block them."

Victory won! Wow that was easy. No... wait a second... what's this? Hmmmm looks like someone left a triple X DVD (bad movie) in here and room service did not find it.

I hold the triple X DVD in my hand for one dark moment then I take it out to the balcony, drop it onto the concrete ledge and, stepping on it, grind it back and forth into oblivion.

Bigger victory! I almost want to keep the pulverized DVD as a sort of war trophy but some filth is so disgusting it just needs to be buried.

How goes your battle, men? Be strong. Be faithful. Be genuine. And to those of you who have already fought in a war, you are in the thoughts and prayers of many men and women around the world. Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for encouraging me and others to fight the good fight and never give up.

For my daughter

This little gift from God turns 4 September 14th.
I pray today for the young man who could be her future spouse.
I pray his parents or guardians will have strong convictions
- and if they don't, I pray he will.

I pray she will be spared hurt from young men who
misuse and abuse young women while imagining
such behavior proves 'manhood'. It does nothing of the sort.

This little girl deserves to be honored, respected,
cherished.

EVERY little girl deserves that much.

You fathers or fathers-to-be join me in drilling this into our sons.
A man is respectful toward all women - most especially toward the women in his life.
Amen!

Happy Birthday my daughter, Papa loves you!

Strength

A lot of strength in this old tree. Think of the roots system and how far it stretches below the surface. It helps to be planted so close to water. How about you? Is your strength all above the surface? Are you planted near water? Are you remembering to drink? Not from the poisoned wells of our culture - but from the life giving well of faith.

The last two days I've made an effort to spend a few minutes here or there in prayer. Different kinds of prayer. It helps me keep my balance. It helps me fight temptation.

Flying home from a faith-filled pilgrimage to Lourdes, France, I was seated behind some guy (not a fellow pilgrim!) who chose to watch a very explicit film on the screen built into the headrest. I guess France Airlines allows for such films. I wish I could say I kept my eyes turned away once I saw what it was about - but I did not. Not good. I was shocked that such a film was viewable on an airline!

I kept looking behind and across the aisle to see if my sons were glancing up at this same screen and I was glad they were unaware. Wish I had looked away - and I did at least once or twice... but I kept glancing back. I need to remember where my strength comes from and to turn to that source in times of temptation. So do you... if you want to be truly strong.

Happy Father's Day

This is the first time I'm posting from my phone and I'm blown away that it works! Modern technology amazes me sometimes. We are at JFK airport about to check in for a flight to Lourdes, France. I'll post to a "Twitter" account from there until we return after June 29th. Happy Father's day to all you Dad's. For those who have told me they have regrets I say it is never too late or your children are never too old for you to speak the words you wish you'd said when they were younger. Never too old. God bless the men who gave us solid examples and lived what they claimed to believe. You make all the difference in the world.

New Comment and thoughts

Here's most of a comment left recently:
"I just had the pleasure to meet Michael while traveling through Great Barrington, MA. Mike and I along with the convenience store clerk where we were buying fuel for our vehicles shared life.

Amongst us, we are blessed with 12 children and one grandchild. Six boys and seven girls. Ages 23yrs. - 2yrs. The special place they each have in our hearts. Our hopes and dreams for their accomplishments. But most importantly, our desire to be the best fathers we can be.

I would like to thank you Mike for sharing the vision of Grow the Heart of a Man. You have my promise to share the vision.

As for a word of wisdom; as our boys become young men and discover the wonder of young ladies, let us teach them to appreciate the differences. The difference in thinking and emotion. The difference in how they love, care and share.

But most importantly, we should teach our sons and other young men when they are ready, to seek a mate, to let the Father send them someone who they are equally yoked with.

A similar value system. A similar faith walk. To consider if this young lady were to change absolutely nothing about her self, could he love and commit to her for a lifetime. This is a truly great gift we could share.

I look forward to spending time here again. Thank you Michael. May the Father bless you as you and your family travel.

Thank YOU for the comment. And to all the men I gave cards to this past month alone: in Andover, MA, Lawrence, MA, Cornwall Bridge, CT, New Milford, CT (and tomorrow, Ohio) , I'm serious about gathering your wisdom. I am still adamant about screening for obnoxious comments - you will never have to sift through garbage to get to the gold here. The "Husband Song" humor is about as wild as it gets other than challenging men to BE the best husbands, fathers, priests, deacons, brothers, and sons they can be. More to come as time allows.

Husband's Song (Humor!)

Disclaimer:
Sometimes you gotta laugh!
Skip this if you're too serious - it is meant for husband's.
You married men have to get a laugh out of some if not all.
I have no idea who sent this to me but it is worth a view.

Click on HUSBAND'S SONG to view. Enjoy!

By What Power?

One of my sons said they want to have big muscles.
"Cool. Keep in mind big muscles don't make you a strong man."

Check out the ship above.
For all the wood, rope and metal..
This boat can't go anywhere without the wind.

You are a strong man when you live humility.
You are a strong man when you honor and respect your wife.
You get stronger as you learn to pray from the heart.

Muscles are cool - but don't worship them.
I admire the men who lay down their lives for their congregations
or their families.

Be strong in faith first.
Don't worship the body;
worship the God who formed our bodies out of dust.

Amen.

Keep that wisdom coming

Don't just read my postings here - please add your own wisdom, insights, and advice. The more the better. Still I keep that tight control so if there are any odd ones (and yes, there have been) I just hit delete so you don't have to.

Huge plane. To think that such a slight movement of the rudder can direct this puppy to a whole new destination.
My secret thoughts are like a rudder that move me in one direction or another. In my younger days I made no effort to stop impure thoughts and they led me further and further away from the possibility of a truly happy family life. Thanks be to God we men really can live lives of purity and authenticity.

For the sake of those still not familiar with how a blog works, I will post the last couple of comments. Thank you men for adding to this blog - I'll say it again - it cannot be all me all the time. Thanks for your help.

Here is another comment from Paul:

I too was exposed to pornography along with most of the other young boys in my neighborhood. We were between the ages of 7 and 10. So some of us were very young and we had no clues what sex was nor the proper words, we did have the photos though. This set me up for a distorted awareness of sex called properly lust. It caused me a great deal of pain and hurt all of my relationships with girls and young women as I burned to fulfill the lust before marriage and before establishing emotional intimacy. It took a long time before I heard a man deal honestly with masturbation and encourage us to purity.

I can tell you that distortions of so called soft porn like Playboy do set young men off on the wrong relationships to them selves and others in sexuality. The only way to effective deal with lust is to call it what it is and go in prayer to Jesus and participate in the sacrament of reconciliation. I did not have to become chaste before I was able to receive the grace of confession. It is medicine for the journey to become holy.

Don't wait just go tell father what you are involved with and get the grace you need in you battle for control of your eyes and emotions.

Thanks Paul. I just want to add a comment regarding the magazine thing. At 11 years when I looked at the cover of a Playboy and read the words 'entertainment for men' it made think that it meant I was grown up to look at the images inside. KIDS! DON'T believe that lie! It does NOT mean you are looking at something that makes you more grown up! It means you are looking at something that keeps you from growing up into a truly healthy man. There. I said it. The lie is right in the very name! PlayBOY not PlayMAN but either way - such magazines (or web bookmarks) are only looked at by guys weak enough to be easily misled or confused. If that last comment bugs you young kids (or kids in a grown up body) I'm glad. It is time for you to grow a moral backbone! It can be done.

Okay. Next I am posting a comment from an Oregon man:

I am a 53 year old man. When I was a boy it was common place in my town in Oregon and in my family to tell jokes about black people. We did not think much about why we did this. We just thought it was funny and harmless. I had never physically met a black person.

There was no history of a problem between my parents or grandparents and black people that I had been told. We were just free to speak and think about them in this way. We used names to refer to black people that were derogatory and demeaning. They were despicable words. Perhaps we felt superior or powerful by doing this but mostly we just felt ignorant freedom in behaving this way. I did not direct these jokes to a real person after all.

Then an African American girl whose family were poor migrant workers came to town and she joined our 6th grade class. Her name was Isabell. For the first time in my life I knew shame. I felt the shame of all those evil hearted words that had been shared among the people in my sheltered world that I felt were somehow known to this innocent girl. I learned that by participating in the attitude of prejudice, I was contributing to the very real actions of prejudice perpetrated against people of color at the time.

The young MAN in me wanted to protect her from this ongoing attitude in society at the time.

I wanted to be her friend.


Of course today we all are a bit better a relating to each other and at least we no longer openly express such blatant racial prejudice without suffering the criticism of our society. But for me personally, after 23 years of education and another 23 years of professional life during which time I have been lucky to work and live with people of all races, I still feel the guilt and vulnerability of how my soul was spoiled by those mindless actions of my youth.


My point of this story is for the comparison of how we men today are still allowed to think of and treat women in our society. In our minds and in our words and in our actions we behave with unbridled freedom to view women as sexual objects. We treat them as less intelligent or otherwise less capable than men, or we simply ignore their right to equality and pay them less anyway or deny them equally responsible jobs. Most of us do this quietly or without thinking much about it as there is no consequence for doing so.

Even the men who are blatantly arrogant toward women we somehow treat as funny or even more manly. It is no surprise how we men have been drug into this distorted view of women given the constant bombardment of unreal images of women and relationships based on sex that are portrayed in the media. We see these images every 12 seconds or so.

But there are no women who wish for this image, for this treatment, for this victimizing prejudice. So far they still have to put up with it because men allow it to happen. But a real man can find the right images in Matthew 1 verse 18-22 where God tells Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, to take Mary for his wife with no expectation of physical reward but rather to protect her and be a servant to her for the greater glory of God's plan.

That takes a real man to step up to to those expectations. Similarly the image of Saul in Acts 9, the big mouth persecuting Pharisee that no one was willing to stop, who was admired for his zealous behavior, had to be struck down by God and humbled so that latter he could teach us men the right way to think and act as he did in Phillipians 4, 8.

To be a real man we have to stand up for the right thing even when the majority of people in our society don't yet get it. So my advice as a father is to admit that I have been ignorantly and sometimes willingly guilty of perpetuating a hurtful image of women and that I need to be the model for my sons to learn from. I need to openly teach them about the traps of wrong ways of thinking about women. We men must teach our sons and daughters that a man's obligation is to raise women up in society, not contribute to holding them down.

Right on - and thank you for being an example of conversion. Where are we without the chance to change our hearts? Nowhere. This last comment stirs a memory for me - but being on the road full time - I am out of time right now.
I'll post again when I can. Meanwhile - Keep that wisdom coming!

Thanks!
Michael

Lead By Example

Dads be sure you are living a pure life.

Any allowance for the sins of lust must be eradicated.

Your sons and daughters are watching, your God is watching, and, yes, your heart continues to be formed.

Did I already write about the man who sat next to me telling me casually about how, at the age of 13 or 14, he had stumbled upon his father's stash of pornography?

I stopped him from skimming over this statement as if it was no big deal. I told him it certainly was a huge deal! No mistake about it.

I asked something like: "So at that impressionable and very critical time of development you added the habit of looking at porn as something that a man (your father) does? He said, "yeah, I guess so."

And did I already tell you this man was in the process of leaving his wife and children because they "got in the way" of the lifestyle he wanted? He chose to leave his family to pursue his addiction to this sin.

I tell the teens I speak to (clasping my two hands together) "Here is authentic manhood and here is purity. The two are always together. If they are not yet together, the heart of a real man is making every effort to bring them together. There is no in between. Toss out the gazillion lies you've heard from our sex-hyped media and walk in the direction of purity.
Teen boys listen up: Chances are you are being bombarded with images coming over your phone, the web, TV, movies, etc. If you think looking at porn somehow means your are becoming more of a man; think again. Porn makes men sick one of two ways. It ether makes them sick because they are addicted to it; or it makes them sick because they recognize it for the filth it is."

For the rest of the Lenten season, I invite you to pray each of the weekly meditations each day. If you cannot do ten minutes then do five or two - but pray for strength and grace to help you in your effort to allow your heart to continue forming.

It can be done. Don't give up. What you do in the midst of temptation matters a great deal. Lead by example - and if you don't have any sons or daughters, lead by example for those who suffer because their father chose sin over family.

I'm praying for miracles in the lives of those who were never given a solid example of how to walk in purity.

Fire and Water Life and Death

Vows.

We speak them.
We break them.
We mean them.
We don't.

What kind of man are you?
What kind of man are you going to be?

When we say "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part..."
What do mean?

What happens to a man's head and heart that enables him to leave his wife and children?
I am guessing when he said "for better or for worse." he must not have really meant 'worse',
he must have meant "for better and for a little less than perfect."

Too bad he wasn't more honest with himself and his future wife.

You men and you boys who hope to be men one day,
MEAN the vows you take.
MEAN the promises you make.

Does anyone, priest or husband, really know what we are undertaking when we speak
our wedding or ordination vows? No.

We have some idea of what we are getting into but no idea of how it will change us or if it will be mostly joy or mostly sorrow.
So... do we excuse ourselves from our commitments? No.

I have always remembered one of the reading at my sister's wedding. It struck me as odd, but that was me in my early twenties. In Deuteronomy Chapter 30, God was saying: Today I set before you fire and water; death and life - choose life." (paraphrased)

My sister and her husband spoke their vows with a greater understanding than most regarding what they were getting themselves into. And they are still together.

When (not if) the trials of marriage or priesthood set in - our vows are the lathe that holds us in place while we are fashioned into something new.

When we give up and leave those vows we are left half-fashioned and until we find some way to reconcile or make peace with ourselves, God, those we have harmed - we remain deformed.

Either way you experience 'better or worse'.

My opinion?

It is better to remain faithful and endure the worse while honoring the vows we took.
Like I told the man named Dave who I met in the Home Depot Parking lot last week. With his eyes welling up he told of how his wife began using drugs and lying to him and now they were apart. He offered to help her but she refused him.

I told Dave, "You are standing beneath the cross. Learn from Mary who stands beside you there. She remained faithful as the world hated and killed her life's dream, her life's work, her life's joy.

Remain faithful in your grieving. Do not speak ill of your wife. Do not let your two sons hear a single negative word about her. Remind them that their mother is a fantastic person and the drugs are what changed her heart and divided your family.

God did not do this to you. Tell them to pray for their mother. As you remain faithful to your vows in your sorrow you will be growing rapidly; an accelerated course in holiness that might never have happened if family life had gone on as usual.

God does not will the evil - but he DOES want to bring good out of the evil. He is able and he is willing as you remain faithful. Don't use this rejection as an excuse to go looking for porn on the internet and being impure. Walk in the direction of purity and when you begin to live it - then remain pure. You will teach your sons a great deal about what it means to be a man, a husband, a provider, a father, by the way you decide to let your heart change in the midst of this tragedy.

Pray for Dave. And pray for the other family who just lost their husband and father because he decided he would no longer live out the lifetime vows he took.

Can you guess the faith of both families?

Catholic.

At least it looked that way to those who sat beside them the last time they went to mass together.

Blessed Sacrifice

A shining quality of manhood is sacrifice.
It is not about you being served. It is about you being a servant of God.
You priests pour yourselves out for those entrusted to your care.
You husbands, if you are worthy of such a title, are living out a life of
sacrifice for your wife and children.

You teens take note - I do not know what example you've been given,
but either way you can learn. If your biological father does not know how to BE a father, you can still learn what not to do.

I think of my own dad holding down two jobs while taking evening college courses.
Oh, and did I mention that at the same time, this father of 12 children was virtually rebuilding our
house from the inside - electric, plumbing, drywall... AND still he had time to lull us to sleep playing piano
as we drifted off to dreamland? Good job Dad.

And I whine at times because our little family seems to be on a merry-go-round as we travel
the country to wake sleepy catholics.

I'm thankful for the example and am sorry for those of you who did not have a father to learn this from.
Sacrifice is part of authentic manhood. Get used to it. Be open to it. Don't shy away from hardship.

At the same time watch out that you don't become a work-a-holic as it tends to make you unapproachable - and your so called 'work' may be an excuse to get out of fathering.

Mentoring, listening, praying, encouraging, challenging, guiding, teaching, correcting... a man is called to be many things, do many things, and endure many things for the sake of his children.

NFL AD committee Super WHIMPS

Yes, I posted a picture of one of the deadly sins: Sloth. Laziness. Apathy. I know why God says in the scriptures: "How I wish you were hot or cold, but because you are lukewarm, I want to spit you out of my mouth." (Paraphrased)

Today is the Superbowl. SUPER? Their ad committee people are nothing but Super WHIMPS.
Here is part of an email I got this week from CatholicVote.org:

NBC has slammed the door on running our ad during the Super Bowl!

Watch the ad by clicking here

After several days of negotiations, a representative in Chicago told us that NBC and the NFL are not interested in advertisements involving ‘political candidates or issues.’

...But NBC’s rejection is calling even more attention to the ad. We have been appearing on radio programs across the country for the past two days, and NBC’s New York affiliate (imagine the irony), is covering the controversy. Bill O’Reilly of the FOX News Channel featured the ad on his program Wednesday night calling it “brilliant” and “genius.” His show alone reached nearly 4 million people.

All of this is driving more traffic to the commercial online. We reached almost 1 million online views in less than two weeks!

So why did NBC reject the ad? The network claims that they do not allow political or issue advocacy advertisements during the Super Bowl, but that’s simply not true.

The network was willing to air an ad by PETA, which is definitely an advocacy group, if PETA would tone down their ad’s sexual suggestiveness. Also, the first ad scheduled to run during the Super Bowl is a creative spot about Pedigree’s pet adoption drive. The ad ends with the line: “Help us help dogs.”

In recent years, some Super Bowl advertisements have caused controversy. But there’s nothing objectionable about our positive, life-affirming advertisement. We show a beautiful ultrasound, something NBC’s parent company GE has done for years. We don’t attack Barack Obama, but focus on him becoming the first African-American President. We simply ask people to imagine the potential of each human life.

What now?

We’re not intimidated by NBC. We plan on getting this ad out so that many millions of Americans can imagine the potential of each human life. Here are some things you can do:

We are preparing a virtual protest of NBC’s decision. We want other networks to know that hundreds of thousands of people want to see this ad aired, and we will not give up easily. Stay tuned for our plan on this in the next few days.
The Catholic television station EWTN will be airing the commercial before, during and after the Super Bowl. Feel free to turn your channel to EWTN during halftime and watch our ad there.
You can still share the commercial with friends and family. Tell them to go to CatholicVote.org and watch the ad NBC doesn’t want them to see! Heck, show it at your Super Bowl party!
We’ve been humbled by the donations we’ve received to help get this ad out. We are especially grateful to the group of very generous benefactors that agreed to help if we got air time for the Super Bowl.

We aren’t certain they will still help, but we will use any funds we receive from you and others to air the ad in the most prominent and cost-effective venues available.

Perhaps the ad should run during the Academy Awards or maybe American Idol, which is popular with the youth. Maybe we should run it following President Obama’s first State of the Union address?

If you have ideas, tell us what you think.


Brian Burch
CatholicVote.org


I hope those planning to watch the Superbowl today are disturbed by the absence of this simple, beautiful, powerful ad that might have inspired a whole bunch of folks to think about their unborn children as worthy of protection. I hope a number of you men DO SOMETHING to draw attention to this absurdity.

You can speak up, write a letter, call, complain, create an uproar of some kind... OR you can shrug, drink a beer, and try to feel noble about how the NFL is helping a group help dogs instead of unborn children. Pass the chips, please....

The Hair Fight

Okay - even though I'm bald now - I DID have a full head of hair a hundred years ago. My 13 year old was allowed to grow his usually very short hair longer - until today. Poor guy. He was really getting into the whole brushing it and flipping it and looking at it in the mirror. My hair was long like that at his age - maybe longer. But we decided to have it cut today.

He put up a valiant effort - but afterwards said he felt 'lighter'. I told him it was beginning to look like he was starting to be guilty of 'hair-worship'. I guess to some that makes me a 'mean dad'. Isn't that the challenge? You know your child and you do what feel is best for him (or her).

We told him when he's 18 he can grow it down to his ankles if he wants. It is amazing to see the difference in his attitude. With the long hair it was sullen, joyless, ...cool. Now with the short hair he is smiling more already. Glad he got to try it. More glad it is cut.

I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes, saying something like, "Lighten UP man!" If so, by all means, type away...

An interesting article was forwarded to me today; to read it, click here

Thought provoking.

I love the time I am having with my sons these days. They are wonderful. Tonight, for example, after reading a few chapters of "The Hardy Boys" we got to laughing as they were fighting over how many good-nite hugs they could get from me.
Obviously the "hair fight" wasn't much of an ordeal with them. Thanks be to God.

P.S. The Old Ship in the photo was taken last week as my sons and I were roller blading (!) along the pier in Long Beach, CA
Yes, I got some roller blades to try to get some exercise. My boys are far better than me as they spin and skate backwards and do other fancy moves. Me - at almost 49 years of age I am thankful I have not crashed yet.

They enjoy feeling like they are better than Papa at something and they are quick to give me advice with a smile.
Funny how they are trying to be protective of me - they really don't want me to fall.
Great kids!

71-year-old 'Dave' (Part 2)

Okay men, I know it has been over a MONTH since I've last posted. But it has also been that long since any of YOU posted a comment. Must be the season of having little or no time. Well, I'm back with another installment of advice from 71-year-old 'Dave' (by way of 'timesaver'). This is a LOT of advice so give yourself some time to let it sink in... MJP

'Dave' writes:

“...you might be asking something like this:
I want to be completely free, forever.  Is that possible? 

Yes! YES!  Here's the challenge:  We men are faced with sexual temptations every day...things of that nature are thrust in our faces, through what we see:   walking down the street, on TV, magazines, movies, almost anywhere.  Our culture thinks that they are o.k.  Jesus called our culture, the world.  The world is evil.  Christian men cannot take in all of that stuff without being damaged.  So, in here, we learned how to avoid it.  If we don't continue to do that, then it's so easy to fall right back into Satan's camp.
 
Through this course, there were some very practical truths as well as spiritual ones.  Several huge defenses quickly come to mind:
1.  Radical Amputation
2.  Don't even look
3.  Never go near
4.  FLEE
5.  Radical Accountability
6.  Radical appropriation of God's grace and God's word.
7.  Always live in a glass house with all the doors and windows open!
 
All Christian men need those...not just the ones who come to The Way of Purity.  Those are things we must use for a lifetime.  Be sure to continue in that mode. 
 
Here is a scripture that shares the emphasis of those three things above:
 
2Ti 2:24-26  As the Lord's servant, you must not quarrel. You must be kind toward all, a good and patient teacher,  who is gentle as you correct your opponents, for it may be that God will give them the opportunity to repent and come to know the truth. And then they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the Devil, who had caught them and made them obey his will.
How we look at women or think about them can be immoral.
Maybe the following will help in that area:
 
Best thing to do when a inappropriately-dressed-girl or whatever it is that triggers lust hits you in the eyes -  look somewhere else QUICKLY!  If you have to stay in the vicinity, look her in the eyes.  If you don't really have to be there, and it's too tempting, then get out of there!  FLEE!

In church, I have had to move to another seat, more than once, since I've been conscious of this kind of problem.  (Sadly, before that, I wanted to stay and look)
Our Lord is wants to do a work in the heart of every man and in his eyes.  The following could give a good boost in that direction.  It's going to sound, at first, like it's about masturbation, but keep on reading....
Self-gratification...Some of us, like me, never did know this while we were "doing it".  But it's this fact that we train our bodies to demand the release and the temporary high that masturbation gives.  It's a habit.  Our flesh wants it because it "got it" before, and our flesh demands it again.  Conversely, if we starve our flesh for a long enough time, it doesn't "demand" that action.  It does get easier!  I promise!  But it probably takes about 4 weeks of "no-gratification" to get over that hump. 
 
That's the physical side of it.  Now let's look at something else....the mental and spiritual parts.  What was going on in our mind for minutes, hours or maybe even days before the act?  You see, our bodies do not just jump up and demand that we ejaculate.  First something else is going on - our mind is caressing something in a sexual way.  We're thinking impure thoughts about a woman somewhere in there.  It's true!  And while we're in that mind-set, fantacizing, those little hormones or endorphins are running around in our bloodstream, tantalizing our brain and making little chills run all over us.  Right?
 
In a fall - The very end of the chain-of-events is porn &/or masturbation. We don't get to either of those last two links in the chain without going through some other things.  First we get an idea or we see something.  And then we begin to dwell on it...becoming pre-occupied with sexual thoughts, as I mentioned above.  If we can break that chain early on, then we're not going to get to the last link.

About being hit with images, thoughts etc. - - and if we're not dead or in a coma, we'll surely will be hit by them -
 
Proverbs 22:3,5 "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it....
 
That scripture says to me that we need to seek safety in God rather than stay and try to struggle with our thoughts. So....Instead of struggling with them or fighting them, let's give them to God! ('Dave')

Thank you 'Dave'. I've never heard things put so bluntly before - and yes, some men need a two-by-four upside the head to snap them out of the lethargic state of lust.

I forget which earlier comment it was, but I feel bad for not giving a better answer to the young man who asked HOW a man can avoid or get away from sexual temptations that are, as 'Dave' puts it, 'thrust in our faces'.

In the checkout line at the store:
If you see a pretty model on the cover of a magazine just offer a prayer up for her soul. Remember that the model has a soul. Remember she is someone's daughter. My friend Chris from California says to say: "Good job, God!" and then just look away.
I say pay attention if you are seeking out tempting images. That is where the winning battle is fought. Be present to your choices and if they are less than pure - confess them. Keep the 'weeds in the garden' from ever getting the chance to set down roots.

In the movies.
Hmmm. My wife Mary knows if there is an impure scene in a movie we're watching I will cover my eyes until it is over. Simple. In my early days I would actually rent a movie hoping it would have an impure scene or two. That really seems like another life I was living. Now there is no question. I do not rent or wish to see movies that may threaten my resolve to live purity.

On the street:
I avert my eyes. I look up to the sky and if I look back down I say 'hello' and, as 'Dave' suggests, I look her in the eyes. There have been times when my eyes rebelled and looked where my brain told them not to look. I always tell my wife Mary about these times and that is another great tool that helps: accountability.

All for now men. The hour is late. Clean up your lives and don't waste another second of the time God is granting you to breathe the air and walk the earth with pure hearts and minds. It is, after all, a matter of life and death. Here's to a great year.
P.S. PLEASE join us in praying that the FOCA 'storm' never gets enough energy to do any harm.