Ocean Time and Teen Response

Here the guys were running up to the edge of the water and taunting the waves - then rushing back in. No sand. All rocks so the sound was a lot like thunder as the water pulled back. Great time. I wrote more about a prayer experience on our family blog called "Along the Way" found at holyfamilynow.com.

To the teen who posted a comment to the "Men: Don't Be Afraid" post below:

I will post your comment here along with my response throughout. Your misunderstanding of what I said might be very important to clarify for others. You wrote:

I'm not sure that it's fair to say you won't reveal your son's questions because you might betray his confidence, then to ask other people to share their stories when they might have similar confidences.

First of all - I thank you for taking the time to comment. It gives me a chance to clarify this important point. I am NOT asking anyone to do something that I am not willing to do. When I say I do not want to betray my son's confidence, it means I cannot share our discussions until we collect enough comments. Once we have enough questions sent in, I will definitely add the questions my son asks as well. That way no one will know which are his or someone else's. Anyone else posting the questions of their sons (or daughters) betray nothing since no one knows who they are. This blog is close to becoming a website where we can present various discussions in easy-to-find places. Does that help clarify my intent? Hope so.

Either way I am a teen and I find any sort of discussion of sex with my parents to be revolting because I can't help but picture them doing it (which is a disgusting thought).

Revolting? A good first reaction to such a thought. It will help you turn away from such thoughts and preserve the privacy of your parents. Imagine how troubling it might be for parents to imagine their child dwelling on such incredibly personal moments as their marital embrace? Since you describe it as 'revolting' it seems you have 'pictured them doing it' anyway. Here I can share what I told my son after I first spoke with him about the technical side of the marital embrace. "It is very strange for me to speak with you about this. It is so sacred and so private for your mother and for me. But I need to explain this to you before you hear it the wrong way from someone else. Every person in the history of the world was created this way - except for Jesus. " At that point my son said 'Every person?' "Yes. And now that you know the way it happens - your job is to clothe every marital embrace in privacy. It is not right for you to uncover the marital embrace of any married couple in your thoughts."

What about when the thoughts come anyway? Count on it. They will. At one point or another every father and mother has come to the realization that their own parents shared the marital embrace. Many, like you, quickly changed the channel in their minds. This is better than trying not to think of something. Trying not to think of something is a great way to think about the very thing you're trying to avoid. Changing channels means you think of something else. Something better. With practice it can be a simple as that. All this to say fear of having a thought should not keep you from having discussions with your mother or father.

While I am slightly estranged from my father, my mother and I are very close. We discuss nearly everything, but that. I realize that sex is a beautiful thing etc etc, but my mother represents something more to me than that, and I see it as just another perk of becoming joined to another person until death. It is good in and of itself (within a good mariage), but that good is subordinate to (as well as a small part of) the greater good of marital togetherness and unity. I do find it hard to overcome hormones, but Jesus and the saints (particularly Mary) help me. I do not need to bring my mother into it because from my point of view it would damage our relationship.

There is more I could say in response to this last paragraph - but my family is waking up and I need to sign off to be Husband and Dad. Since you are currently not in contact with your father, and you are too uncomfortable to speak with your mother about this - feel free to use this blog to at least have some of your questions answered. The men who read and post here have wisdom to share.

I love your music by the way.

Thank you. Now since I do not know who you are - go ahead and post your questions anonymously - along with what you think the answer might be - and hopefully the men reading this will post the answers they would give their sons. Men, I want you to continue posting anonymously and I will add my own answers anonymously with yours.

Men: DON'T BE AFRAID!

Thank you to the alert reader who just e-mailed me an article from Reuters. I tried to get reprint permission but found no clear directions "how" on their home site.
I will reprint parts of it and you can go on your own to www.reuters.com to look for yourself. The article is entitled: "Parents urged to go beyond the 'big talk' about sex."

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Parents should consider having repeated discussions with their children about many aspects of sex instead of one "big talk" on impersonal topics linked to sexuality such as puberty, researchers said on Monday.
"Parents who take a checklist approach... are unlikely to have as great an influence ... as parents who introduce new sexual topics and then develop them through repeated discussions," said their report published in the journal Pediatrics.

The study, entitled "Beyond the 'Big Talk,'" used written surveys given to 312 children in Southern California aged 11 to 15 to assess how frequent and candid their conversations were with their parents about sex.

The more parents talked with their children, the closer their relationships, wrote researchers Steven Martino and colleagues at the Rand Corporation.

The relationships also benefited when the discussions moved beyond "safe" or impersonal subjects such as puberty, reproduction and sexually transmitted diseases to more private topics such as masturbation and how sex feels.

Mothers tended to discuss twice as many sexual topics with their children... as fathers did, the study said.

The report cited earlier studies that showed children who were communicated with were more likely to delay intercourse...

Men! (to quote a Christopher West phrase: "I'm not making this stuff up!") We need to get off our couches and get on our knees to pray for our sons and daughters. Then stop being afraid to talk some wisdom into our children. I know I know - I was trembling last year just thinking about how the heck to bring this subject up. But now I am proof that letting this time in a boy's life become an ongoing conversation truly does bring us closer together.

The more of you who sign in (not with your names, please) the sooner I can 'blend in' my discussions with my oldest son along with yours. I will not betray his confidence by exposing his questions and our discussions to the world.

As your son or daughter asks questions about sex, marriage, life, puberty, etc. - send them in along with your answers.

If they have not yet begun asking - then send in the questions YOU had way back when - along with the answers that would have helped you the most. I need your help. 

Don't be afraid! Be brave and get typing!

MJP

Obedience

Somebody was given the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven and it wasn't me.

What kind of man you are (or are becoming) is determined by your answer to the following question:

Who has authority over you?

In my early days, I rejected the Pope as having any authority over me. I remember my thought process; looking at pictures of him (Pope Paul VI) and thinking to myself: "Who is he to know more about God than me? He seems arrogant. He seems out of touch..." Trouble was and truth was NO ONE had any authority over me. I was my own pope and it was my opinion that was arrogant. Yes I called myself Roman Catholic but I rejected the authority of the Pope and put myself in the ultimate position of making a final decision about faith and morals. Don't get me wrong - I still claimed to love and serve Jesus as my Lord and because I was so devoted to Jesus, I was willing to overlook his obvious mistake in giving the keys of the kingdom to Peter. 

For a brief time I pretended to like the opinion of those who claimed the Scripture really meant that anyone at all who calls Jesus 'the Son of God, the Messiah' was given the same keys. But can you imagine the insanity of things being bound and released on earth and in Heaven if everyone had those keys? So that stupidity fell apart quickly.

I was content to be the leader for a long time. Then I began to be honest with myself and admit to the lie I was living. I was not a fearless leader in the area of faith and morals. I was more arrogant than I imagined the pope to be. I was a fool.

Truth was and is: Jesus did things on purpose. He was born 'in the fullness of time' - on purpose.  He gave the keys of the kingdom to one person - on purpose.  He did not give the keys to the whole group of guys that day. Just as he does not give the keys to everyone who says, "Lord, Lord!" No mistake.

As much as some might hate this idea: Someone was given authority to lead and guide; to shepherd. Our culture despises this truth. Do you?

The Roman guard who asked for Jesus to heal his servant knew something about authority. So... who has authority over you? Your parish priest? Your Bishop? The Pope?

If you reject the authority of your parish priest I challenge you to get your heart right.

You might say: "But my parish priest openly mocks the authority of our Bishop (or Pope)!"

Jesus taught those who were under hypocritical leadership: "Do what they say but do not follow their example."

If your parish priest mocks the authority of his Bishop or our Pope - and I have witnessed such behavior - get one or more other men in your parish to join you and get on your knees to pray for him, fast for him, fight battles for him and when your own heart is right, befriend him. That's what comes to my mind. What do you priests say about this? What is a man to do when his pastor mocks the idea of authority - or preaches his opinion in place of the truth?

More to come - I'm certain.

Bit-O-Wisdom #47

(Photo courtesy of Grace Minton)

Somewhere in the world is a guy who thinks having strong opinions makes him more of a man. Somebody help him!

Strong opinions can mean nothing more than you may be very loud and obnoxious. Or simply stubborn of heart. 

The men who have impressed me most growing up - my father, for example, are men of conviction. 

Steady. 

Prayerful. 

Men engaged in the process of converting their hearts toward the fulness of truth. 

Follow their examples and you will grow to be a better man. 

You will also be a light to others. 

You can't do that without silence and prayer.

You teens wandering the graveyards of the internet, I hope you wander onto this blog and read the wisdom being gathered here.

This is a rescue mission. 

Compare it to the drivel you surf across most days on the internet. 

Don't give up or be swayed because some runny nosed web designer finds a way to present his opinion on an impressive web page. 

Sift the contents. 

Strive for strong convictions based on truth - NOT on opinion. 

It will take you further down the road of life.

Rule Number 1

'Rule Number One' is the title of a song sung by David Wilcox. I share this song with every young lady who is of dating age - because I think it has a great tune, catchy beat, and excellent advice for every young lady.

Hopefully some guy will see himself in the song and change his ways. Remember when I told my boys that part of being a man means to protect the women in your life - be it your mother, wife, sister, daughter?

This is one of the qualities of authentic manhood. the song cleverly describes a date in-progress where everything is just right - or at least it seems to be that way. 'Till the service was slow' and the guy on the date starts abusing the waiter... The singer states the rule number one is RUN. 'Get up and run, don't walk, don't wait. Rule number one: don't hesitate - your date is done. Run.' 

I'm here in Houston at a hotel and last night I made the stupid mistake of flicking channels. What I saw made me so sick to my stomach the t.v. was shut off and I found myself wanting to gather every father's daughter in the world to protect her from the demented men who would mistreat them.

Men! BE TRUE MEN. Knock off this pursuit of pleasure that degrades women meant to be princesses and queens. Start being men again - or start learning for the first time. Young women stop settling for less and demand that your date have the heart of a man.

If he refuses... remember rule number one: RUN. 

When I think of what young people are being exposed to today I feel more motivated than ever to get this blog turned into a website. I want to gather the collective wisdom from you men out there. Make no mistake - I'll keep on posting till I croak but I am not the only one with wisdom to share. Of course from time to time my opinion will seep through and hopefully someone out there will challenge me. I love a challenge. Go for it.

If you see no need to correct me - then tell me your story or share your wisdom.

Click on the word 'comment' below this post and start typing!

61 year old Taxi Driver

I'm sitting on the plane here in LA about to fly to Houston.

Can't pronounce his name but a taxi driver was very excited to share his wisdom for me to pass along to young men in America. As usual, I will paraphrase:

"In my village in Africa, when one is 6 years old - his life really begins, his heart begins to beat with knowledge. By ten he is on his own. Not like in America. In America, the child is on his own from the start because Mother works and Father works. He learns from those at school and at sports and from the daycare worker. He will not share what he learns from these places with his mom and dad. They must ask him and even then sometimes he will not say...

I would tell young men in America that maybe you have a bunch of money - that is not important. Maybe you have many things - that is not important. Maybe you have much popularity - that is not important.

As you grow to be a man - what is most important is that you have a good heart and you make wise choices. You cannot do this with drugs or alcohol. You cannot do this just because you might have a lot of money. Pleasure cannot lead you to the truth - only to more pleasure and eventually it will sicken you.

I told my children: You will not get a dime from me. You will get guidance. You may not leave this home unless you have a college degree. That is the way it is with me. My daughter is a doctor already in Australia - she is very happy. I told her: 'Your life will be a good and happy one.'

People sometimes mistreat me because I am a taxi driver. Sometimes I must teach them to be kind - so if they abuse me before they get into my cab, I say I'm sorry, this cab is not for you after all. And I drive away. This happened last week with a young woman about 35 years of age. She argued with me and called me stupid before she ever got in the cab. I drove off without her and she was very mad but I teach her to be more respectful to the next taxi driver.

This behavior I expect from a teenager - not from someone who is 35 or more. I expect they gain wisdom as they age. Some people do not. I would tell young men today. Strive for wisdom. Not just to say smart things - but to be wise. That is all.