The Imprint

Hi guys, here is an e-mail that came last week from "Trey" in Oregon...

Interesting concept, this 'Imprinting'. .. I'm sure there are others with a similar story.

Here's what Trey wrote:

Michael John,

Here's a story for you, it kind of gets to the beginning for me. I wonder if others have a similar imprint story..........And come to think of it, I think this is the first time I have ever told the story, so perhaps the healing can begin!

The Imprint

As I ponder about how my perceptions about sex and women were shaped as a boy, I am reminded of the expression of when a duckling or baby goose are born they "imprint" onto the first things they see, usually their mother...I think that sex and boys are the same way, we are imprinted by images or events that we see when we are young. This leads me to my imprint story, something I can never get out of my head, and wish I could find this image and conduct some ceremonial exorcism to the image to perhaps help blast it out of my head. I doubt that would help, but it sure would be nice to at release a life time of frustration on it.

When I was probably about 4 or 5 years old, I was rummaging through my parents book-shelf which contained old books in the living room, and came across a book of paintings. I was enamored as I flipped the pages until I came across an image that has been imprinted in my mind ever since.

The picture was of hell, with many naked women having sex with demons. Satan was right in the middle of it. It is curious to me that my first image of naked women had something to do with damnation. It should have been a warning to me, but I remember not necessarily being fixated on the demons and the real meaning of the painting, but I remember being fixated on the naked women. They were beautiful, with boobs and everything! Even at that young age of 4, I felt my first rush of lust. And I have struggled with lust all my life since that event.

I remember thinking that if my parents caught me looking at this, I would be in trouble. So my second thought was, don't get caught. Now I wish my parents had caught me so they could have had the opportunity to properly explain it to me. They weren't there, so the image is what a 4 year old boy made of it. The demons looked like they were having fun with naked women, so naturally, naked women now meant fun to me growing up.

I remember over the course of several years looking at that picture, and the aroused feelings I would get by viewing the image. It eventually led to acts of masturbation, and seeking even more pictures that I could get ahold of. Again, all done in secrecy, because I didn't want to get into trouble. My parents were never given an opportunity to explain it to me.

This was my first experience with an image that imprinted me. I often say a prayer that I will someday find that same image so I could curse it. Perhaps that's why I haven't found it yet.

A partial list of lessons learned:

1) Be careful of what images are around your house. Although the painting book was likely just a compilation of an artist or artists, and it certainly was not pornographic in nature, it had an unintended consequence on myself.
2) Be sure that your boys (and girls) don't get the feeling that they will be in trouble if they do run across such images. Secrecy is also an enemy of growing the hearts of men in our sons. Be open and honest. Let's face it regardless of how clean we keep our homes, these images are
everywhere now.
3) Be prepared to explain such things on the fly. You will be surprised that questions of sex and girls, an awkward topic for most of us, usually come at the most awkward moments. Have the fortitude to take it on right then and there.

(An example of this was when my oldest son was doing a report on Oregon, and it being the Beaver State, wanted an image of a Beaver, he Google Imaged "Beaver" and even with cyber protection, guess what got through. He immediately called me over and said, hey Dad, this is what I did and this came up. It gave me an opportunity to say "sorry you had to see that, it is
not your fault, you are not in trouble, and gave me a little opportunity to talk to him about it and I thanked him for telling me!)

Do others have an Imprint Story?

Trey, Oregon