Friday, January 18, 2008

Papa x 4



In an e-mail that came today....

From "Papa x 4"
 
"When I was in fifth or sixth grade, my Dad decided to take my brother and I away from my Mom and sisters and into his room for "the talk." Since I was in the grade that saw the "filmstrip," I knew a tiny bit of what was going on, but my brother, a year younger than I, was in the dark about everything. The T.V. was on with the sound very low, and as my Dad started to talk to us, a commercial came on television for "CloseUp" toothpaste. In the commercial, a young model runs her tongue over her newly brushed teeth and said "Mmmmm...it's a great feeling!" At that moment, my Dad said "I think it's about time we had a little talk about sex..." My brother immediately said "Mmmmmm...it's a great feeling," and we collapsed in embarassed hysteria, unable to pull it together and have the talk at all.
 
I recently had the talk with my son, as he stared at me with saucer eyes. I made sure the T.V. was off and my brother wasn't planning to drop by. I opened a text book with some illustrations, and said good-naturedly "Well, you must have talked about some of this with the guys, but I just wanted to make sure you knew the truth about some things..." He stared at me wide eyed and shook his head "no." Nope. He hadn't heard anything from anybody. Alright, Dad. Let's get to work. I showed him the illustrations and taught him the few chapters in the book sent home from school, constantly stopping to ask if he had any questions. Every time, he shook his head "no." Nope, Dad, I definitely don't have any questions. I told him what I thought he should know, told him that a lot of guys will start talking about this stuff and pretending that they know a lot, but they really don't know anything, and told him that I know it's embarrassing, but he could always ask me anything and I'll tell him the truth. That's about as much as I can figure out to do. That, and pray.
 
This paragraph won't be as popular with a lot of people, but I'm in the middle of being honest, so why not be honest with other men? Love in the form of sex between a married couple is such a powerful thing that it's inspired hurt, confusion, and fear, especially within the Church. Virginity is a vital theme, not only with the unassailable nature of our Blessed Mother, but as a thread running through the entire history of the church. This has done many things, some good, and some deeply unhealthy, including marginalizing married men into becoming suppliers of strong bodies when we need to move tables for the Fair, and wallets when we need money to do something that's not entirely the business of the men who made the very money we're asking for. If the Church, still reeling in scandal and cowardice, needs one thing, it's men. Men who work hard, care for their children, and have sex with their wives. Sounds strange, doesn't it, even saying something like that? But it's true. Our sons will look for men to model themselves after, and it's up to us to supply them with MEN to look up to, not emasculated boys. If we don't supply them with men, they'll look to a poisonous culture that's ready to supply them with over-sexualized shallow idiots.
 
Well, that should invite a few comments..."


Great comment, Papa x 4... I can't help but add my opinion. Regarding your line: "If the Church, still reeling in scandal and cowardice, needs one thing, it's men.
I would say it this way: "If the Church, with some members still reeling in scandal and cowardice, needs one thing, it's men."

God please let this be one use for this blog. To awaken the men who have fallen asleep in their vocation as husbands, priests, fathers, deacons, single, religious, Wake them to lead - to speak out - to defend - to protect - to provide - to LIVE what they claim to believe. You can do it God. You can pour out a flood of grace on all the men who have forgotten the qualities you planted like seeds within them when you created them. Let it be done, Lord.

Papa x 4 added the following comment awhile later:
I thought about your suggested correction for a long time, and I'll stick with what I wrote. The Church is reeling in scandal and cowardice. We can push the elephant toward the exit, but he won't fit through the door. Enough said, we're getting off topic. Thanks for your work at creating an arena for caring honesty.

Thank you for pondering my opinion. And I have pondered yours. Maybe your comment isn't so far off topic after all. How many teens or young men dismiss the Church because they do not feel challenged to be the men they are called to be? In our travels around the country, my wife and I hear many varied styles of preaching. Some are powerfully challenging while others are oatmeal.

I recall the actor Jim Caviezel at a gathering of priests, religious, laypeople, and others. I was twenty feet behind him as he shouted (more like screamed) into the podium microphone: "We need our priests to challenge us!" He received a standing ovation. He sounded sick of the anemia that plagues many parishes. We can blame the culture, the parishioners, the pastors, the publishers, - but we must include ourselves in the mix.

At the same time there are many pastors who preach with intense conviction and are anything but cowardly. Some of these priests are close to exhaustion as the 'men' of their parishes abandon them to the nice ladies who bring them jello and cupcakes. We men cannot abandon our priests. This is why I cannot say the whole Church is reeling in "scandal and cowardice". While I can give you names of some who are, I find myself trying to find ways to wake them while trying to keep myself from being lulled to sleep in my vocation.

Finally, I love the image of the elephant - reminds me of the camel and the eye of the needle. Sounds impossible but as Jesus said, with God, "all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Papa x 4
Your comment was deleted here only after it was added to the original post. See blog post: Papa x 4
(paragraph six)
MJ

Anonymous said...

Great stuff, gentlemen.

My wife and I are drawn to priests and parishsed where that chllenge us or at least speak in black and white about our faith, our Church and our responsibilities. We are blessed to have a great pastor right now, however there was a time where we drove to other parishes to be "fed" by another priest who had the same convictions and was able to "speak" to our needs.

I hope I can do that with my kids...feed them physically, emotionally and spiritually, that is.

God Bless.

BigDaddyAZ

Anonymous said...

Any comment that describes the church, describes me.  I am a member of the Body of Christ and inherently, the church founded by Jesus Christ upon His rock Peter IS the (mystical) Body of Christ.  

I am not reeling in cowardice and scandal.  

I am deeply saddened by the cowardice of many Church leaders and by the scandals caused by numerous members.

I recognize that through our gift of free will, some members of this Body will be like cancer - eating away at the healthy tissue and leaving permanent scars.  Unlike cancer in mortals, this Body cannot be destroyed by its members.  I often say this is proof that the Catholic Church is THE church: despite the sinful acts of so many men and women through its history, it survives to this day.  

Some will argue that any reference to "the church" is implicitly a reference to church hierarchy, not the entire membership.  The church hierarchy is inseparable from the Body (the gathered people) as is the Word.  Instead of calling the hierarchy "the church" because they disappoint us, why not suggest that some members of the hierarchy have separated themselves from the Church through their sinful acts?

Anthony Daniel - husband and father

Anonymous said...

I recommend a new book, "Faithful Departed; the collapse of Boston's Catholic culture" for an accurate portrayal of a half century of cowardice and scandal. Yes, you are the church and so am I, but an embarassed shrug over corrupt leaders is ineffective and - in the spirit of this site - is unmanly.

MJP said...

Obviously you are pretty PO'd about the scandal some members of the church have caused.

I posted your comment because for a number of Roman Catholic men out there (including priests) this is a cause for deep deep anger and frustration.

I am giving no "embarrassed shrug" to this issue. That would be pretty anemic and yes, 'unmanly'. I have not read the book you are recommending - and I do not intend to. Mainly because I have small children - but mostly because I have already witnessed first hand enough corruption to know that it exists. I don't need a book to fill me with more bad news.

Since some will wonder "What did Michael witness?" Comes down to this:

After several victims of one priest came to me - I reported it to my Bishop who pulled this priest out of ministry. Later this same Bishop and I testified against this wayward priest who later was sent to jail. It was a huge step for me to confront and take action against a man - who at one time had been my spiritual leader.

I know I protected other children from being hurt. Now I could spit and moan all day about the evil and corruption elsewhere - but what would that serve? The last thing I want to do is bring down one of the MANY holy and self sacrificing priests I know across the country. If anything I want to encourage these men who bear the blame for the sins of a few.

Talk about strong men! I recall visiting a rectory in Southern California after allegations had been made and the accused had been removed from the premises. Cars would drive by the rectory at night and obscenities screamed out the window at the men gathered inside. Did they run and hide? No. They were not the hired hands - these were the real shepherds, the real men, who stayed and endured insults they did not deserve.

Those driving by screaming insults were the cowardly ones.

Is it okay for me to be angry? Yes.
Is it okay for me to be resentful? No.
I choose to guard my heart against becoming resentful.

Why? Being resentful does not make me strong. Sure it feels strong - but so does a seizure. I'd rather use what energy I have being more present to my family. That is my calling.

Finally (for now) I am going to post a comment that came awhile back. It is the best suggestion I have heard regarding what we can do when confronted with such evil. Because you know and I know this goes much deeper than scandal or cowardice - this stuff is evil.

"Strike the Shepherd and the sheep will scatter." Right? The priests who continue serving in the face of such evil do not need our condemnation; they need our prayers.

MJP

Anonymous said...

Yes, I'm "PO'd", but just "PO'd" minimizes it into a passing mood. I'm more than that. I'm serious. I'm a man. I'm faced with a crisis of incredible proportion and scope, that I don't believe has been dealt with in a positive way EVEN NOW IN 2008. I completely agree with you on many of your points, and applaud the actions you took to protect children and help the church face very serious internal problems. The problem seems to be in simply how I described the church, which seems to have a couple of you guys "PO'd" Good!! What's the matter with having a few PO'd guys around? I know plenty of guys that are PO'd about things that don't matter at all. The gist of my argument is this; Men are pushed to the margins in the church because the church doesn't know quite what to do with them, other than have them move chairs and pay for stuff, because to open up other aspects of the church to men - men with wives and children whom they are biblically, canonically, and biologically encoded to cherish and protect...well, let's face it, things might get a little hot. And we can't have that, can we? PO'd guys just make things worse, because Jesus was never PO'd, was he? Oh, wait, bad example.
I hope there are a lot of PO'd men, honest and unflinching in their devotion, protection, and love to their wives, children, brothers, and church, and I hope they continue as tremendous role models to young men, who can see that men can truly be men, even in church. Because if they don't see that, then yet another generation are headed to the "non-denominational" airplane hangar down the street.