Flood of Grace

Dear God, please cause a flood of grace to revive those men who have given up one way or another on trying to live a life of holiness.


Here's a picture from our visit to Niagara Falls earlier this year. No wonder our boys want to keep traveling (see holyfamilynow.com and the 'Along the Way' blog) We're starting our third year on the road full-time.

Along the way I have handed out hundreds and hundreds of cards inviting men to visit this site and pass along some wisdom. You new-comers, just read the side bar for specifics and feel free to add ANYTHING that comes to mind. If I think it will help stir a conversation - I'll let it post; if not, I won't. Simple.

After the concert tonight a woman shared how her young son had opened a door for a girl and that same young girl gave him trouble for doing so... His response was, 'But that's what my Dad does for my Mom...'

Good for you young man. You keep opening doors for young ladies and endure any rude remarks that may come. It'll make you tougher in a good way. Go ahead; be respectful anyway. You're growing the heart of a man. This world needs more men like the one you are growing to be.

Got to meet with a few friends here in Arizona last Saturday. Good men. Prayerful men. They are simply about the conversion of their hearts. That fills me and challenges me. I am most impressed with those who do not try to impress. Braggers are bores and over-hyper machismo is nothing but a blaring scream for help. Arrogance is evidence of insecurity and genuine humility rocks.

I've got to work on the humility part. Most who know me recall my saying 'God humbles me and I become proud of my humility.'
Well it is a day by day thing. Did I already type the sign on the door of a priest I knew years ago: Humility is not thinking less of yourself; Humility is thinking of yourself... less.

My goal this week is to post more thoughts from the e-mail with advice from 71 year old Dave.
Okay, I'm falling asleep at the computer!
I gotta sign off for now - if anything sounds goofy - blame it on the hour...
I posted some Advent reflections at the Holy Family website.

God bless you and thank you stopping by....
Good night!
MJP

Prayer: Always Good

A few weeks ago I sat outside the RV at night with my oldest son. I asked him to pray a quick Rosary with me. He is still young enough (thank God) where even though I'm sure he wasn't thrilled to do this, he still went along with it!

I did not plan this, but with each mystery I began to speak an intention for God to bless him and assist him as he grows into a man.

What a concept. If we can just slow down long enough I hope to post the prayers for any of you other men who could use another idea of how you might pray with your sons.

I'm convinced that praying with our sons plants something in them that goes deeper than the words we use.
If you haven't done this - at least think about doing it
If you HAVE prayed with your son, tell us about what style of prayer worked.

As usual, I will type more later, when there is time.

Close one Door - open another

Got an e-mail a week or so ago. Just got some time to post part of it. "Timesaver" sent this from a mentor he was given when he signed up at the settingcaptivesfree.com 'Way of Purity' program. There is more but I will post it in small segments. Very thought-provoking... To me the bottom line is those of us who have closed the door on allowing ANY impurity in our minds or marriages automatically open the door to new life, new hope, new freedom, new ways that God can use us to encourage others. MJP

Now here's from 'Timesaver':

"Dave" is 71 years old and lives with his wife in Texas. hope this helps the men on your blog. Change any words you want. 
Timesaver
Please do not use my real email.

Here's some advice from 71 year old "Dave"

I'm going to give you some chips off my block sort of. It's things that I've learned that truly do help. Three things, mainly:
 
First,  I urge you to be heavy into accountability.  That's something we men need for a lifetime.  I have been being accountable to my wife, and that's a good thing.  But having another man to talk to about the serious issues that face us men every day... that's so important.  I still report to several men every week.  It's not the easiest thing to do, because we talk about things that men don't usually say...sometimes we have to say “I fell”, or we have to say “masturbation”.  Not easy words to use...we've been brainwashed into thinking that men don't talk about such things.  Sometimes we just have to humble ourselves and say it.
 
Second, and along similar lines, my wife is interested in my continuing purity, I know.  Sometimes we men do not know how to talk to our wives about what we need.  This issue of sexual intimacy is one where she can help a great deal, if I make sure that the lines of communication are open.  Often, to keep those open, a man has to say things that humble him.  There's that word again...yes, we are a proud bunch, and we just don't like to share anything that we think makes us look weak.  But we do need to talk plainly to our wives about sexual intimacy. 
 
Thirdly, there is just about no way that a man can get through this course without God somehow using him to assist other men who desperately need help with habitual, sexual sin.  Our testimony is one of the most powerful weapons against the enemy.  When I humble myself in front of other men and speak about my history of sexual sin, that is strong!  But the key is to talk from a position of equality, and not from a position of "I'm better than you".  This is one lesson I've learned the hard way.  So I just pass it on. 


Thank you 'Timesaver' and if you feel comfortable, please pass this website along to '71 year old Dave' so he can write advice directly. Great to hear from you - so thanks for the email and please feel free to send more. A friend told me by phone that what we are discussing on this blog "is so very important" I agree.

It would be great to hear how some of you other men have taken steps to 'close the door' on impurity. I plan to list a few ways that have proven to work in my own life. God bless you and strengthen you in the ways of holiness. MJP

Speaking of Porn

My oldest son (almost 13) is extremely naive about the whole porn industry. Last year as we were traveling he blurted out:
"How great is that?"
"What?" I asked.
That sign said "Adult Movies and Magazines" and there are all those trucks parked there. So they let truck drivers stop and watch movies and read magazines. Isn't that great?"
"Yeah." I said.
Later I told Mary what he said and we both cringed.

I heard somewhere that only 3% of the information on the internet is related to porn - but it accounts for 90% of the downloads.
A woman from a Diocese in Pennsylvania asked if I had anything to help their Family Life Office address what seems to be an epidemic of Catholic men addicted to internet porn.
Someone else told me there is another sort of epidemic of the elderly (mostly men) buying computers and turning golden years into lustful years.
Not good dear elders. It makes me think of the olden days where prophets accused Israel of worshipping idols or other gods.

Porn is all about that.

HHMMMmm. I need your help men. To raise the call for sexual purity in marriage, in single life, in the priesthood, in religious life, and to say out loud to any men or boys who happen by: You can and must strive to live a life of authentic sexual integrity and purity. If you think this is impossible, you need to write a comment about why you think so - then listen to my/our response.

Back to BigDaddyAZ... Since my son does not know what the term porn is (he has not even heard the term yet) I am not sure how I would approach it. Maybe I can practice here and let you guys comment on it - good or bad. You know, the whole "Let steel sharpen steel" thing...

I think my biggest flaw might be giving too much information to my son. Then again, from what many men have told me, I would rather mess up by sharing too much than give my sons to the wolves without enough wisdom to keep themselves out of harm's way. Too bad there wasn't a site I could visit that could give me something to measure this idea against. (Sigh) Guess I'll have to start it myself with this site. Okay.

How I might answer if my son asked me what "porn" means.... "Son, there are people out there who do not show respect for the marital embrace. You remember the basic facts I told you - about how a man and woman are united as one body - right? How I told you babies are conceived?
Right.

Okay... Do you remember how I told you this marital union is sacred and holy and very private between a husband and wife? Okay. Good.

Now do you remember when I told you that even though you know how this union happens, you must clothe each marital union in privacy and you are not to focus on or dwell on the act. By doing this you give privacy in your mind to every couple who has ever conceived a child. If you do not train your mind to be respectful, you might foster what is called 'Lust' in your heart. Lust is a twisting of the wonderful and powerful drive in every man and woman to begin a family. Lust will keep you from growing the heart of a man.

I gotta tell you there are people in this world who do not treat the marital embrace with the respect and dignity it deserves. They make and sell something called pornography or porn. Porn is when people film others having sex outside of marriage. The images they create can be so powerful that some men stop acting like men, some stop being husbands and fathers, worse than that, some have hurt or killed others after watching it. There are examples of this in the news but I cannot imagine telling you about them until you're 18. Trust me when I tell you this: "Porn is not good for your soul, your heart, or your spirit - and it is especially not good for your formation as a man."

I have heard story after story about how this sin destroys family life and has been the main reason many husbands and wives have gotten divorced. I have read stories about men who were tempted to kill themselves because of the images they saw and could not get out of their minds. Guard your heart by guarding your eyes and turn away from such images or movies.

'Nuff said. You see how I can ramble. I probably would not say all that but at least it helps to write out a first draft. I am not sure how much to share of my past with him or at what age. The fact that I bought my first playboy at age 11? Not sure if that would help him or tempt him.

Okay I'm sleepy. It is late. Any comments BigDaddyAZ?
P.S. I really DO think you need to report that irresponsible coach to his superiors about making comments like that to such impressionable boys.

Thanks Big Daddy AZ

For the sake of those who still do not know how to find their way around a blog... I'll post yesterday's comment from BigDaddyAZ

Michael,

Last week my 12-year old son came home from football practice and said one of the coaches said something that made him uncomfortable.

Apparently the coach (who I don't really like because all he does is yells at the kids) was telling the players (11 & 12 year-olds) to "rest up on Friday nights, don't stay up late watching television, playing videos games and looking at porn on the Internet...{insert laughter}."

Idiot coach.

Can you believe it?!! He said this to a bunch of kids.

Needless to say, it provided another opportunity for me to talk to my son about "uncomfortable" things. He's such a good kid.

Love the blog. Keep up the good work.

BigDaddyAZ

Man, I cannot believe that guy is permitted to be around children! Was this the first time your son even heard the term 'porn'? What did you say to him, what would you other guys say to your sons? What would you do about such a coach who is around children? Talk about child safety! I'll try to come up with what my response would be - but what about you other men? More later. And, by the way, BigDaddyAZ, THANKS for posting a comment. It helps me know I'm not making this effort alone.

Finding Your Way

Most men I talk with - when they were young guys they were patted on the back and wished 'Good Luck' son - now go be a man. As if part of becoming a man is figuring it out on your own. Problem with that is these days 'sonny' isn't out working in the field with Dad and Grandpa and Uncle Jim. So what does he see? Video games? What does he google? God help us. Any Dad's, Grandpa's, or uncles out there feel free to give advice for the young men-to-be who happen across this page.

Mine for today is this: Finding your own way means watching the examples of the men in your family and seeing what does and doesn't work. Don't waste a single minute punishing those who were not there for you as you might have hoped. Get over it. Become a man by forgiving and by looking for the good in some of the worst situations.

More later. Gotta go.

Hero Dad of 7 sons...

Here's a story for you fathers or fathers-to-be. I was just reading about Thomas Vander Woude in an email five minutes ago... and had to post it while I had the chance. One of the qualities that describe a great dad is selflessness and this quality can only reach maturity in service to others, be they our wives, parishioners, or our children. I'm still working on that quality in myself. I've heard it before and I've said it before: "It's easy to sing and speak or blog about this stuff - but it is another thing altogether to live it out. Thomas Vander Woude probably did not think twice about saving the life of his son. Seems like there was no question but to act. God bless him and God bless his family.

I don't know about you but sometimes I can get so preoccupied about the technical side of life - maybe it's a just a guy thing or maybe just a lack-of-prayer thing. We have so many distractions. Tonight Mr Woude calls me to ponder how I care for my children and how much I am willing to lay down my own life for the sake of theirs.

I hear about some dads who focus on their own hobbies to the detriment of their families - I'd rather be more like Mr Woude.

Old School Ideas

My son Joseph is 12 and wants to know when he can date a girl. The issue came up this week when his friend at the Walworth County Fair here in Wisconsin introduced Joseph to his girlfriend. (!?) Hmmmmm. I said "No." You can ask a girl to go on a ride at the fair but you can't ask her to go on a date.

Dare I ask readers of this blog your thoughts are on this topic?

My view is really old school. My view is SO old school I want to tell Joseph he can court a girl he hopes to marry, but no dating. That ought to get a few comments. I'm up for it. Agree. Disagree. Whatever. But those readers who have not answered the most basic questions that made me start this blog, when are you gonna get typing?

I KNOW there is a need here. The challenge of guiding a son from boyhood to manhood is huge. Meanwhile I will add to this blog as God and time and internet access allow.

One Strong Man

My friend Pat is an inspiration to me. Here he is holding his daughter Blaise. Doctors told Pat and his wife that their little girl would not live long because she was born without a lymphatic system. She is, I think, three years old now.

Pat took his daughter to Stanford, California today for more tests and/or treatment. She has had a tough summer. Click on the photo below and save it to your desk top. Pray for Pat, his wife Lisa, Blaise, and her brothers.

If you are a young boy or a young boy in a man's body - study this photo. Learn from Pat's example something of what it means to be a man.

A man does not run from hardship. A man protects and honors the women in his life. A man does not center his life on pleasures. A man lays down his life for the sake of his family. God bless you Pat, I'm praying for you and so are the men who read this blog.

MJP

Gift from God

She's almost three years old now. Last night at bedtime. My head was on a pillow on the floor beside her port-a-crib. Looking at her face to face through the netting. (Yes, we know she's out growing the port-a-crib but it works great in our RV for now)
I say "You're my daughter."
She answers, "An' yer my fadder."
I say, "I'm so glad you were born."
She says "yeah."
I say "You're a gift from God.
She says, "I can eat ice cubes."

And it goes on like that. She's a fire-wire girl. God help us guide her, and train her so she can keep her inner fire while not setting fire to everything around her. My wife Mary says she was just like that when she was a little girl. I can tell... and I would not have it any other way.

Some parents hold back encouragement or positive words for fear of giving their children a 'big head'. I think our children need to hear they are loved, beautiful, and that we are proud of them.

Last week I had another late night talk with my oldest son. I told him how proud I was of him for how he is fighting to remain pure of heart and mind and body. You should have seen him drink in that affirmation! I saw a load of concern fall off his shoulders as he smiled and thanked me. Sure, I still yelled at him the next day because he did something that bugged me. I'd rather not lose my patience but even when I do, I'm glad to have this system set in place where I can still say the words that matter most. Saying "I love you" does not mean they do not have to obey an instruction, it may even inspire them to want to obey.

A couple of years ago I noticed how every night Mary told the boys she loved them. I got to thinking, 'why don't I say that to them?' It really bugged me because it seemed like I had not said those words to the boys for years. I decided to change my ways. Now for over a year each night I tell each one "I love you." as they go to bed. Each night, especially my oldest one, melts and thanks me, and says it back.

From time to time I say how proud I am that they are growing the hearts of men. I am in awe of what God is doing in each of them. Forming them through my and Mary's words, through our examples, and accelerating that growth through the love we show them.

Don't misunderstand. It is not all sweetness living full-time in this RV! At the same time I am thankful to say that neither is it all bitterness and hardship. You may not be involved in a full time ministry traveling in an RV but God knows you have your own difficulties to face.

So... face them!
Face yourself.
See what needs to change in you and do your children a favor.
Change. Be a man after God's own heart.
Ask the manufacturer his opinion and be ready to blast your own opinion to kingdom come.
Now there's a play on words for you!

Pray for me to find a way to make more time to post here.
The more I travel, the more I see there is a need for men to encourage and challenge one another.
Please.. be encouraged! Remember we already know that in the end, God WINS!

From "Timesaver"

The following email came in a few days ago. I have to admit I hardly have time to sign up and post to THIS blog - much less sign up for a course to check this site out. I DID stop by and I agree that the testimonies are impressive. Anyone else who has signed up please feel free to pass along any info you have on this topic. What I am hoping to find out is if the Setting Captive Free program is overall Catholic -friendly. If the priest who took it could share a word that would be great. Thanks! Now, here's the email:

I can give my feedback about the setting captives free Purity Program so long as you please do not share my emaill address on your blog. Call me "timesaver". The course is time consuming - something good for someone like me who wasted SO MUCH TIME in looking at impure material and self-gratifying. This could easily have cost my marriage. One thing I can say is you or anyone can read testimonies always being posted. nobody has to sign up to read these. They are one of my favorite parts to this website. The first couple days are about seeing the impuirty we waste time on as sewer water and how we will always be sick drinking from that well. We make a choice to drink pure living water or drinking sewer water. timesaver. Here is a testimony off the site
David's Testimony
"My mentor was Richard Lee. My life was very sad and I lived in constant fear. I was afraid of being found out, afraid of falling too low, and afraid of missing God's best for me. I was introduced to pornography during my middle school years and, even though I never owned any of those magazines, the images became ingrained in my brain for many years to come. I begun looking at women as objects for my delight and the gratification of my flesh. Having been raised in church, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I could not help it. Instead, I kept falling deeper and deeper into the trap. I found myself rationalizing it all the time. Finally, I found the perfect excuse: 'This is just a natural result of the sexual abuse I was a victim of when I was a child.' I thought that if I dealt with the trauma of the abuse, the acting out would go away. I sought counselors, books, 12-step programs, prayer, fasting, and even people to "cast out" impurity from my life, but nothing gave me lasting victory. I was desperate and lonely. I felt like I had to show everyone one face, the face of one who has it all together, while I was dying on the inside. I hated myself for what I was doing, and I was beginning to despise God for not helping me. I remember I would just cry and cry, hoping God would finally take my life away. Every day, I would wake up knowing that I would inevitably fall again. Those were very dark years. My soul craved for something or someone, but nothing filled me. Pornography and self-gratification left me wounded and bleeding, but I "had" to revert back to it. Finally, one day I heard my friend talk about the Setting Captives Free course and how great it was. He did not know I was hooked, and he never imagined he was about to save my life. I memorized the name of the website and the next day I went to my office, checked it out, and enrolled in The Way of Purity course. The first two days of the course were dramatic to me. The Lord opened my eyes to the reality of my sin and the reasons why I was still in bondage! From that point on, my life had a drastic change. I was very skeptical at the beginning and, when I read the testimonies, I found it hard to understand how an online course could do so much. I came to know that it was more than a daily devotional, it was the Lord Jesus working through the lessons to bring me back to Him. He broke the yoke of pornography off my shoulders and I have been free from it for seven months now. I never thought I could get rid of those images, but the Lord has slowly been cleansing my mind from them. At times, I have felt overwhelmed by temptation, especially when the old thinking patterns sink in. However, the support and grace that my mentor always gives me has helped me see God in a new light - not as someone distant and uninterested, but as a loving Father who is with me and who wants to help me. My life now is awesome. I had lost all hope of ever being happy, but the Lord has given me hope again. I'm closer to Him than I ever was and, above all, I enjoy the peace of mind that comes from knowing I do not have any dirty secrets to hide. I have found true intimacy in Him and I want to know Him more and more each day. I am thirty years old, and I feel like my life has just started. God continues to heal me from my painful past, and now He has even opened the door for me to marry a wonderful Christian girl. He is restoring my life and giving me back even the dreams I thought I had lost. Thank You, Jesus!"


Thank you for the email and info "Timesaver" I look forward to hearing more. - MJP

Heart of a Boy, a Man, or a Beast?

I'm up late. Tired. So I sign on to try and get some blog-posting done. Kids are out like a light. Had a TON of family time today. Thank you Lord! I have my browser set to online news. And the top story 30 minutes ago was about how

Vermont State Police just found a body believed to be a missing 12-year-old girl. It seems her UNCLE allegedly planned to force her into a sex ring the day she disappeared.


Y'know sometimes I know I can be overly optimistic. It helps to think the big thing is if a man still has the heart of a boy - all he has to do is grow up and become a true man. But what about stuff like this when the heart of a boy turns into the heart of a beast instead? This is plain evil. I know it happens. We hear stories all the time - don't we?

I told my son Joseph that the drive to reproduce is so powerful in us men that it can help form a family if you're a husband, it can form a whole community if you're a priest, or it can form a monster if you hide a tiny little secret sin long enough. Okay I actually did not tell him ALL that - but that story in the news really makes me sick. Here we have exhibit 'A' in Vermont. God have mercy on us. I will bet anyone out there a hundred bucks if this guy had been mentored by his father or SOMEONE about the requirement for a man to be a man he must be pure - this little girl would be alive today.

Just got an email from a man struggling with purity and I want to do everything I can to guide him to an online solidly Roman Catholic program to help. Anyone know of any Catholic sites? Still have not heard back from the only guy I have met who was building such a program. Hopefully he is so swamped with men asking for help he does not have time to answer my e-mail. That would be good, wouldn't it? There I go being overly optimistic again!

Another scenario is that the Devil hates this guy so much he is doing everything he can to stop him from succeeding in this effort. In case that is the story - please pray for a warrior named Kenneth right now.

Okay. So far the only program brought up is Setting Captives Free - a non-denominational, scripture-based effort that we've been told is bearing great fruit. I still have not heard back from anyone who has taken the course to let me know if it is kind to Catholics. Are any of you readers willing to sign up for this course and work with me on creating such a program? I'm signing up this week and will tell you if I find it Catholic-friendly. If it is I will advise anyone from here on to take the program. Otherwise I hope it is okay to learn from them and bring in all the saints and sacraments that have been so helpful to me in my conversion. God's grace in my ongoing conversion is the only way I hope to continue succeeding in what I expect to be a lifelong battle for the sake of purity.
So far so good - and now that I've said that I brace for an attack! God's grace cover me, please!

Men! Start the process of instructing your sons! This can be done - but we cannot fight the battle not alone. Be a fellow soldier for your sons. I'm not going to tell Joseph about this Vermont story - at least not when he is this age. But during one conversation he asked me for an example of how the reproductive drive can go bad and it happens that a bizarre story had just been in the paper so I told him: "Alright... this guy somewhere in America was just arrested for having 1500 pairs of used girls gym shoes in his home. He worked at a local school and he had stolen each pair from the girl's lockers." Joseph looked at me sideways and asked "Gym shoes?!" I said, "Yes - it had something to do with a malformed reproductive drive! And I don't even want to know HOW so let's not think about it - just remember to walk in the direction of purity and I promise to be here to help you any way I can."

Did I mention how someone from the office of family life out here in a Diocese on the East Coast asked if I knew of anything to help them with what seems like an epidemic of men addicted to internet porn? Readers, why don't we ALL sign up this week? We can discuss how it might help or not help Catholic men and how we might be able to improve on the concept. What we learn can help us form the tools we need to guide our sons - not only away from this insanity of porn - but TO a place of authentic manhood where sexual purity is expected and lived out. Do I hear an AMEN?

See how late it is? See how I ramble when I falling asleep? I'm signing off!

Temptation or Sin?

Here is a comment that was added to the last posting:

Purity is impossible to me. What am I supposed to do when I see the covers of magazines right in my face at the store? what about TV? movies? internet? its everywhere. And you're PURE? I wonder what drug you are taking to make you that way. I think lust is built into us men
call me an unbeliever

I used to be an unbeliever, too. So what I'm about to say comes from experience. Listen. Purity IS possible. Lust is NOT 'built into' men. Yes, the reproductive drive IS built in - and yes it can be hijacked by lust - but we men are called to purity. Am I pure in the area of lust or sexual sin? Yes. (And I'm not taking a drug that makes me this way; I owe it to God's grace!) Have I always been sexually pure? No. Temptation does seem to be everywhere, as you say, but each of us is responsible for what we DO to firstly to avoid (flee) temptation and secondly to refuse it a place to grow. Reject it. Stomp on it.

There is a world of difference between struggling with sexual temptation or struggling with sexual sin. We men will have to fight temptation until we die. So pace yourself. Prepare yourself. Don't lie to yourself. Be honest when you are allowing temptation to bear the fruit of sin. You can be tempted and remain pure. Jesus did it... I am doing it... and so can you.

I am willing to share ideas on how you can avoid or destroy lustful temptations. I hope you are willing to listen. Any of you other men out there who want to chime in - feel free! I have never claimed to be the wisest man on the internet.

Regarding what to do when you see magazines at the store? Look away.
T.V.? Kill your T.V., cancel your cable, read more.
Movie? Do not attend or rent 'R Rated' movies.
Online? Kill your computer or install filters.

I know these will sound simplistic - but if you are serious about wanting to be pure you will take serious steps in that direction. I hope you begin soon. C'mon guys - help me out here.

How do you fight impurity in YOUR lives? Every bit helps. Just keep the language simple so our solutions do not wind up causing more temptations for someone out there. Family duties are calling right now - gotta go...

Innocence in Times Square

We drove through downtown New York last Thursday evening and I completely forgot about the potential for seeing inappropriate ads and stores. I was proud of my sons who turned their eyes away from images they thought might be impure. I want them to know the body is beautiful and that it was designed and created by the God of all holiness. What is not good is the way money-hungry or lust-addicted people misuse the body for financial gain or to feed disordered cravings. Of course I can't explain it that way to my 8 year old - but I HAVE begun to discuss this with my 12 year old. Here's to the innocence that passed through Times Square last week.

Father's Day

Sometimes I take the kids to the store or park when my wife Mary is running errands. More than once people have asked me if I'm babysitting - right away I say: "How can I babysit my own children? I'm not babysitting - I'm FATHERING."
Happy Father's Day to all you dedicated dad's. And to all you disconnected boys in men's bodies who reproduce and ignore your offspring - I hope the day disturbed you into conversion. You can do it! Think of your children. Think of ways you can be there for them. Don't babysit your own children ever again - FATHER them. One day they will thank you - one day the world will thank you.

Purity and Setting Captives Free

The following comment was posted on May 26

I want to thank the priest who wrote about the setting captives free site and also shared that he too has struggled with sexual sin. It is a shame based sin which one often has difficulty discussing and also often rationalize this sin because of years of habit or because solitary sin is many times interpreted as having lesser importance in seeking to lead a life of purity. Also our society minimizes these actions as being normal and expected in the life of a man. I remember once when I went to the sacrament of reconciliation and the priest shared that men in the cloister also struggle with sexual issues. This took me by surprise but also gave me courage to continue on my own struggles. Thank you for creating this site.

You're welcome! Glad you like it. I said I would stop by the 'settingcaptivesfree.com' website - and so I did. It looks like a great effort. It is not just for sexual purity, but varous kinds of sins of excess. Does anyone know of a Roman Catholic equivalent to this site that we can recommend as well? I still have not heard back from my friend in Tulsa about his efforts in this ministry.
It obviously helped the priest who sent his comment - so it must be a good effort as it produced good fruit for him. I just want to alert any readers who choose to make use of this site that it looks to me like a non-denominational effort. Hopefully this group is a true friend of Roman Catholics and does not taint the basic Gospel message with the 'Whore of Babylon' insanity. Perhaps the priest who posted about will have some thoughts... All for now - as usual I will post as time allows. MJP

Purity Ball

Another comment was posted regarding purity. How did I know this would get you men typing? Remember, keep it anonymous! On the last comment to be posted, BigDaddyAZ signed his name - so, though I did not allow his comment to post, BigDaddyAZ had a very great story to share about a group in Colorado who has begun what is called a Father-Daughter Ball - where the MAN promises to live a life of purity and integrity in order to "war for" the heart of his daughter. I might be messing up the wording - so go read it for yourself by clicking below:
Father-Daughter Purity Ball

Here is their opening text - written by a daughter who attended a Father-Daughter Ball:


"As all the dads stood to read the covenent over their daughters, I felt the power of those words sink right into my heart. My father promised to lead a life of integrety and purity for me. He signed his name and I signed as a witness to his words. And as he escorted me to the dance floor I felt empowered by his promise to war for my heart through his life of purity, and I knew my life would never be the same again..."

Okay men if that doesn't challenge you to live what you believe, God help you.

If there is not a similar Father-Son Campfire Event - I hope one of you men will start one. Our sons need to know we stand behind them as fathers who lay down their lives for the sake of their sons as well. How can we NOT cover our sons with this same protection? For the sake of those who do not know how to read comments posted, here is one I did not want you to miss! This comment was also posted last week.

I am a Roman Catholic priest and to the men who confess to sexual sin of any kind - addictive or not I give the following penance: Go to "settingcaptivesfree.com" and work the sexual purity program. This program is anonymous and gives new meaning to the word 'repentance' for those who sign up. The approach rescues those men who feel resigned to sexual sin because their habits span many many years. There IS hope! I share this with the readers of this blog in hopes of helping. It not only helped me; it saved my vocation the priesthood.

God bless you Padre - THANK YOU for a comment that will undoubtedly help many men - husbands, fathers, priests, and some bishops. We have learned that EVERY man deals with sexual temptation at some season in his life. Isn't there a book called "Every Man's Battle"? If anyone has checked into this program - feel free to share your story. I will visit the website, too.

Sexual Purity

Here is a comment to an earlier posting called Sexual Integrity. Here is what someone from Colorado wrote:

I was 13 when I found my dads magazines. It began my 'lust' addiction. Addiction to porn and acting out so far has cost me my job and family. I still crave it and hate it. Wish I could have talked to my dad about it but it was too much for me at that age and thought I'd get in big trouble for snooping. Over 50 from Colorado

I cannot imagine what it did to your understanding of manhood to think that these magazines belonged to your father! God bless you and help you recover. I sent an email to a friend in Tulsa who has a ministry toward those who suffer addiction to pornography. I will post when I hear back from him. Meanwhile, anyone out there who comes across websites that help men in this area - post it in a comment. And not just websites! Give your advice! Stay tuned men, and all you online TEENS - YOU stay tuned, too!

What would they write?

After you are laid to rest, what would your family members write about the kind of man you were? What are you living for? Life is really worth living only if you believe in a truth enough to die for it.

What is your 'message'? The Gospel of Jesus or your very strong opinion? I snapped this photo yesterday and wondered what kind of life these men lead. Good to ponder once in a while...

Sexual Integrity

Sexual integrity is a 'must' in order to be growing into or living out our authentic manhood.

Purity. Not pretending. Real. Intentional.

When a guy makes the decision to rid his life of every external opportunity to incite or feed lust and the sinful behaviors that follow it - he is beginning to take some of the most important strides toward becoming a real man. Teens! You listening here? I KNOW it is amazing to learn about how your bodies work at your age - I remember. But do not allow self-understanding to become a habit of self-gratification. Yes, I know how at your school they may be encouraging such behavior but those who teach such things are 99.9% of the time trying real heard to justify their own habitual sexual sin. Don't buy the lie!

Be pure. Become the men God created you to be. Your future wives will thank those of you called to HOLY MATRIMONY. (Now THERE"S a semester course!) Your future parishioners will thank those of you called to be HOLY Priests. Be pure. It is possible. It is. Do not drink the sweet poison of what the world falsely refers to as 'soft porn'. Yeah, sure, I guess one side of the knife is soft and smooth - like polished steel - but what kills is what is hidden below.

I would be pleasantly surprised to have an actual anonymous conversation with a few hundred of you out there on this subject.
As always - do so without giving your name. If you cannot seem to figure out how to post an anonymous comment - then send an actual letter - you KNOW that would be annonymous! Care of Holy Family P.O. BOX 30414 Edmond, OK 73003

The Root of All Evil

At a truck stop last week we parked our RV for a moment. While I'm in the RV restroom some trucker knocks on the door and tells my wife to "Get the kids and come see! You won't believe what's goin' on over here!" Of course my wife stays in the RV. I get out to see what all the fuss is and between a bunch of trucks is a group of drivers standing around one guy sitting on the pavement. He has three playing cards face down on the ground and fist full of twenty dollar bills. The guy who first approached the RV waves his own fist full of twenty dollar bills while talking very excitedly: "You won't believe this - get in on it while you can - I just made a hundred bucks." Scam artists working together. It reminded me of a bunch of boys in elementary school pitching pennies.

After getting something at the office, I came back through and all the guys were gone - I snapped this photo of the place they were gathered and one lingering driver was very bothered that I was doing such a thing. Maybe it made them think twice about running the scam a second time.

Whenever my oldest son gets too thrilled over the money he has saved. (YES it is a good thing to save money - don't misunderstand!) I temper his excitement by repeating the phrase: "Love of money is the root of all evil."

A good thing for a man to remember - don't you agree? The hard part is that most of us are responsible for providing so it will always be a bit of balancing act. We don't love money - but we sure appreciate having it around. Better to have the phrase drilled into memory. Who knows? Without out it I could've been the guy sitting on the pavement between all those trucks.

Love the phrase a coffee shop owner shared: "The Lord loves me so much he will not give me a penny more than he can trust me with!"

In other news....
My occasional delays in posting are no measure of my interest in this soon-to-be-a-website-blog. I'm still waiting for your postings in the comment section. We are traveling full-time so expect my postings to be delayed. HHmmm I guess most of you men do not recall your early days of formation or you do not think you have any wisdom to share. I'll keep inviting you to add to this and eventually it will get into gear.

Once the web site is up and running we will send out a renewed invitation - meanwhile, keep passing this address along to the men you know.
Later!
MJP

Muscle and Brains

Yesterday we climbed the steps leading up to the highest observation level at Meteor Crater near Winslow, Arizona.
An old guy who works here said the crater is so large, you could hold 20 Super Bowl Games at the same time on the floor of the crater and have enough room to seat 40 million fans around the sides. Amazing to see this thing.

I told my boys (again) to notice the difference between falling and climbing. Our legs were a bit shakey - and since the altitude is higher than Denver, we were also a bit winded. "Constructive thoughts or words of encouragement will strengthen certain muscles. We have to work to climb - and the view is better. Complaining thoughts or words of discouragement will also strengthen certain muscles - but it is less work and not only are you going down, the view is also a 'downer'."

I'm sure my boys thought - "Oh no, there goes Dad, again!"
Even so I'm not giving up. I heard somewhere that a parent repeats instruction about 1,500 times before it begins to change the behavior of a child. I'm up for it.

The wind was so strong they closed down the 'rim tour' for fear someone might be blown off. While climbing the stairs we had rails on either side. The boys were amazed that they could lean so far into the wind and it was holding them up. One gust was so strong it blew us into the other rail on the path. My 2 year old daughter Therese began to cry and I wrapped her in my coat to calm her.

This, too, got me thinking...

You can see faith as a bunch or rules or clear markings to keep you alive. I'm sure some guy somewhere would boast how he is so strong he does not need any railings. Right. Without railings I can picture this same guy shouting the loudest, moving the fastest, covering the greatest distance, just before making the strongest impression on the bottom of the crater 570 feet below.

Work your muscles and use your brains. We men need to be praying for wisdom or we will be lacking in wisdom. We need to be strengthening the right set of muscles to be the best for our wives and children. This week I was a bit of a whiner - I hope to do better next week. I hope the same for you. (Dads AND Teens - test this out. See how when you work the right set of muscles you can lift up the mood of your family.)

Waiting and Praying

My friend Bob tells me this image always reminds him of the father waiting for his prodigal son.

I like that.

I also think of a farmer praying the Angelus or praying for rain...

When will I learn to wait on God?
God waits for us.

He offers wisdom and gives strength. He blesses the humble. Lifts up the lowly. Brings down the mighty from their thrones.

Which one are you?

Are you a Priest, Brother, Husband, or Father who puts yourself up on some kind of throne?
If so... I gotta tell you - you're coming down. Sooner or later.

You can humble yourself now or be humbled later.
Walk in humility or fall in humiliation.

God alone is worthy of the throne.

Ocean Time and Teen Response

Here the guys were running up to the edge of the water and taunting the waves - then rushing back in. No sand. All rocks so the sound was a lot like thunder as the water pulled back. Great time. I wrote more about a prayer experience on our family blog called "Along the Way" found at holyfamilynow.com.

To the teen who posted a comment to the "Men: Don't Be Afraid" post below:

I will post your comment here along with my response throughout. Your misunderstanding of what I said might be very important to clarify for others. You wrote:

I'm not sure that it's fair to say you won't reveal your son's questions because you might betray his confidence, then to ask other people to share their stories when they might have similar confidences.

First of all - I thank you for taking the time to comment. It gives me a chance to clarify this important point. I am NOT asking anyone to do something that I am not willing to do. When I say I do not want to betray my son's confidence, it means I cannot share our discussions until we collect enough comments. Once we have enough questions sent in, I will definitely add the questions my son asks as well. That way no one will know which are his or someone else's. Anyone else posting the questions of their sons (or daughters) betray nothing since no one knows who they are. This blog is close to becoming a website where we can present various discussions in easy-to-find places. Does that help clarify my intent? Hope so.

Either way I am a teen and I find any sort of discussion of sex with my parents to be revolting because I can't help but picture them doing it (which is a disgusting thought).

Revolting? A good first reaction to such a thought. It will help you turn away from such thoughts and preserve the privacy of your parents. Imagine how troubling it might be for parents to imagine their child dwelling on such incredibly personal moments as their marital embrace? Since you describe it as 'revolting' it seems you have 'pictured them doing it' anyway. Here I can share what I told my son after I first spoke with him about the technical side of the marital embrace. "It is very strange for me to speak with you about this. It is so sacred and so private for your mother and for me. But I need to explain this to you before you hear it the wrong way from someone else. Every person in the history of the world was created this way - except for Jesus. " At that point my son said 'Every person?' "Yes. And now that you know the way it happens - your job is to clothe every marital embrace in privacy. It is not right for you to uncover the marital embrace of any married couple in your thoughts."

What about when the thoughts come anyway? Count on it. They will. At one point or another every father and mother has come to the realization that their own parents shared the marital embrace. Many, like you, quickly changed the channel in their minds. This is better than trying not to think of something. Trying not to think of something is a great way to think about the very thing you're trying to avoid. Changing channels means you think of something else. Something better. With practice it can be a simple as that. All this to say fear of having a thought should not keep you from having discussions with your mother or father.

While I am slightly estranged from my father, my mother and I are very close. We discuss nearly everything, but that. I realize that sex is a beautiful thing etc etc, but my mother represents something more to me than that, and I see it as just another perk of becoming joined to another person until death. It is good in and of itself (within a good mariage), but that good is subordinate to (as well as a small part of) the greater good of marital togetherness and unity. I do find it hard to overcome hormones, but Jesus and the saints (particularly Mary) help me. I do not need to bring my mother into it because from my point of view it would damage our relationship.

There is more I could say in response to this last paragraph - but my family is waking up and I need to sign off to be Husband and Dad. Since you are currently not in contact with your father, and you are too uncomfortable to speak with your mother about this - feel free to use this blog to at least have some of your questions answered. The men who read and post here have wisdom to share.

I love your music by the way.

Thank you. Now since I do not know who you are - go ahead and post your questions anonymously - along with what you think the answer might be - and hopefully the men reading this will post the answers they would give their sons. Men, I want you to continue posting anonymously and I will add my own answers anonymously with yours.

Men: DON'T BE AFRAID!

Thank you to the alert reader who just e-mailed me an article from Reuters. I tried to get reprint permission but found no clear directions "how" on their home site.
I will reprint parts of it and you can go on your own to www.reuters.com to look for yourself. The article is entitled: "Parents urged to go beyond the 'big talk' about sex."

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Parents should consider having repeated discussions with their children about many aspects of sex instead of one "big talk" on impersonal topics linked to sexuality such as puberty, researchers said on Monday.
"Parents who take a checklist approach... are unlikely to have as great an influence ... as parents who introduce new sexual topics and then develop them through repeated discussions," said their report published in the journal Pediatrics.

The study, entitled "Beyond the 'Big Talk,'" used written surveys given to 312 children in Southern California aged 11 to 15 to assess how frequent and candid their conversations were with their parents about sex.

The more parents talked with their children, the closer their relationships, wrote researchers Steven Martino and colleagues at the Rand Corporation.

The relationships also benefited when the discussions moved beyond "safe" or impersonal subjects such as puberty, reproduction and sexually transmitted diseases to more private topics such as masturbation and how sex feels.

Mothers tended to discuss twice as many sexual topics with their children... as fathers did, the study said.

The report cited earlier studies that showed children who were communicated with were more likely to delay intercourse...

Men! (to quote a Christopher West phrase: "I'm not making this stuff up!") We need to get off our couches and get on our knees to pray for our sons and daughters. Then stop being afraid to talk some wisdom into our children. I know I know - I was trembling last year just thinking about how the heck to bring this subject up. But now I am proof that letting this time in a boy's life become an ongoing conversation truly does bring us closer together.

The more of you who sign in (not with your names, please) the sooner I can 'blend in' my discussions with my oldest son along with yours. I will not betray his confidence by exposing his questions and our discussions to the world.

As your son or daughter asks questions about sex, marriage, life, puberty, etc. - send them in along with your answers.

If they have not yet begun asking - then send in the questions YOU had way back when - along with the answers that would have helped you the most. I need your help. 

Don't be afraid! Be brave and get typing!

MJP

Obedience

Somebody was given the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven and it wasn't me.

What kind of man you are (or are becoming) is determined by your answer to the following question:

Who has authority over you?

In my early days, I rejected the Pope as having any authority over me. I remember my thought process; looking at pictures of him (Pope Paul VI) and thinking to myself: "Who is he to know more about God than me? He seems arrogant. He seems out of touch..." Trouble was and truth was NO ONE had any authority over me. I was my own pope and it was my opinion that was arrogant. Yes I called myself Roman Catholic but I rejected the authority of the Pope and put myself in the ultimate position of making a final decision about faith and morals. Don't get me wrong - I still claimed to love and serve Jesus as my Lord and because I was so devoted to Jesus, I was willing to overlook his obvious mistake in giving the keys of the kingdom to Peter. 

For a brief time I pretended to like the opinion of those who claimed the Scripture really meant that anyone at all who calls Jesus 'the Son of God, the Messiah' was given the same keys. But can you imagine the insanity of things being bound and released on earth and in Heaven if everyone had those keys? So that stupidity fell apart quickly.

I was content to be the leader for a long time. Then I began to be honest with myself and admit to the lie I was living. I was not a fearless leader in the area of faith and morals. I was more arrogant than I imagined the pope to be. I was a fool.

Truth was and is: Jesus did things on purpose. He was born 'in the fullness of time' - on purpose.  He gave the keys of the kingdom to one person - on purpose.  He did not give the keys to the whole group of guys that day. Just as he does not give the keys to everyone who says, "Lord, Lord!" No mistake.

As much as some might hate this idea: Someone was given authority to lead and guide; to shepherd. Our culture despises this truth. Do you?

The Roman guard who asked for Jesus to heal his servant knew something about authority. So... who has authority over you? Your parish priest? Your Bishop? The Pope?

If you reject the authority of your parish priest I challenge you to get your heart right.

You might say: "But my parish priest openly mocks the authority of our Bishop (or Pope)!"

Jesus taught those who were under hypocritical leadership: "Do what they say but do not follow their example."

If your parish priest mocks the authority of his Bishop or our Pope - and I have witnessed such behavior - get one or more other men in your parish to join you and get on your knees to pray for him, fast for him, fight battles for him and when your own heart is right, befriend him. That's what comes to my mind. What do you priests say about this? What is a man to do when his pastor mocks the idea of authority - or preaches his opinion in place of the truth?

More to come - I'm certain.

Bit-O-Wisdom #47

(Photo courtesy of Grace Minton)

Somewhere in the world is a guy who thinks having strong opinions makes him more of a man. Somebody help him!

Strong opinions can mean nothing more than you may be very loud and obnoxious. Or simply stubborn of heart. 

The men who have impressed me most growing up - my father, for example, are men of conviction. 

Steady. 

Prayerful. 

Men engaged in the process of converting their hearts toward the fulness of truth. 

Follow their examples and you will grow to be a better man. 

You will also be a light to others. 

You can't do that without silence and prayer.

You teens wandering the graveyards of the internet, I hope you wander onto this blog and read the wisdom being gathered here.

This is a rescue mission. 

Compare it to the drivel you surf across most days on the internet. 

Don't give up or be swayed because some runny nosed web designer finds a way to present his opinion on an impressive web page. 

Sift the contents. 

Strive for strong convictions based on truth - NOT on opinion. 

It will take you further down the road of life.

Rule Number 1

'Rule Number One' is the title of a song sung by David Wilcox. I share this song with every young lady who is of dating age - because I think it has a great tune, catchy beat, and excellent advice for every young lady.

Hopefully some guy will see himself in the song and change his ways. Remember when I told my boys that part of being a man means to protect the women in your life - be it your mother, wife, sister, daughter?

This is one of the qualities of authentic manhood. the song cleverly describes a date in-progress where everything is just right - or at least it seems to be that way. 'Till the service was slow' and the guy on the date starts abusing the waiter... The singer states the rule number one is RUN. 'Get up and run, don't walk, don't wait. Rule number one: don't hesitate - your date is done. Run.' 

I'm here in Houston at a hotel and last night I made the stupid mistake of flicking channels. What I saw made me so sick to my stomach the t.v. was shut off and I found myself wanting to gather every father's daughter in the world to protect her from the demented men who would mistreat them.

Men! BE TRUE MEN. Knock off this pursuit of pleasure that degrades women meant to be princesses and queens. Start being men again - or start learning for the first time. Young women stop settling for less and demand that your date have the heart of a man.

If he refuses... remember rule number one: RUN. 

When I think of what young people are being exposed to today I feel more motivated than ever to get this blog turned into a website. I want to gather the collective wisdom from you men out there. Make no mistake - I'll keep on posting till I croak but I am not the only one with wisdom to share. Of course from time to time my opinion will seep through and hopefully someone out there will challenge me. I love a challenge. Go for it.

If you see no need to correct me - then tell me your story or share your wisdom.

Click on the word 'comment' below this post and start typing!

61 year old Taxi Driver

I'm sitting on the plane here in LA about to fly to Houston.

Can't pronounce his name but a taxi driver was very excited to share his wisdom for me to pass along to young men in America. As usual, I will paraphrase:

"In my village in Africa, when one is 6 years old - his life really begins, his heart begins to beat with knowledge. By ten he is on his own. Not like in America. In America, the child is on his own from the start because Mother works and Father works. He learns from those at school and at sports and from the daycare worker. He will not share what he learns from these places with his mom and dad. They must ask him and even then sometimes he will not say...

I would tell young men in America that maybe you have a bunch of money - that is not important. Maybe you have many things - that is not important. Maybe you have much popularity - that is not important.

As you grow to be a man - what is most important is that you have a good heart and you make wise choices. You cannot do this with drugs or alcohol. You cannot do this just because you might have a lot of money. Pleasure cannot lead you to the truth - only to more pleasure and eventually it will sicken you.

I told my children: You will not get a dime from me. You will get guidance. You may not leave this home unless you have a college degree. That is the way it is with me. My daughter is a doctor already in Australia - she is very happy. I told her: 'Your life will be a good and happy one.'

People sometimes mistreat me because I am a taxi driver. Sometimes I must teach them to be kind - so if they abuse me before they get into my cab, I say I'm sorry, this cab is not for you after all. And I drive away. This happened last week with a young woman about 35 years of age. She argued with me and called me stupid before she ever got in the cab. I drove off without her and she was very mad but I teach her to be more respectful to the next taxi driver.

This behavior I expect from a teenager - not from someone who is 35 or more. I expect they gain wisdom as they age. Some people do not. I would tell young men today. Strive for wisdom. Not just to say smart things - but to be wise. That is all.

Amazing but True!

This is a photo of 'Rex', our alligator head, and my son John Paul. We were traveling with Rex in the storage compartment under the RV but right now he's in Oklahoma. 

Well in the last post I tried video and so far it does not look like it worked. Live and learn. 

Below is a story one man told me and I have shared it numerous times. Each time I think of posting it, I hesitate because I do not want to offend anyone. But this is such a perfect example of how tragic the situation IS out in the real world.... 

I still cannot bring myself to type the exact words so you will need to use your imagination and fill in the blanks on this one. This is a 53 year old husband and father from Oregon. I will paraphrase what he told me:

I was home with a fever the day they showed the slideshow on reproduction to my sixth grade class. My mom, a quiet midwest farmer's wife, came in, sat on the edge of my bed and said, "Son I guess you know they're watching the slideshow in school today." 

"Yes Ma'am." 

"I guess you know what that's about."

"Yes Ma'am."

(silence as mom looks at the floor...)

"Son, I'm only gonna tell you this once."

(another few seconds of silence)

"Keep your car out of the ditches

your peter in your britches

and you won't get the itches

from the (ethnic group) b_tches."

Then she gets up and leaves the room. Remember, I am in bed with a fever."

I asked this man if his father had told him anything...

"No he didn't. He probably would have said, 'Go watch the damn cows!"

Amazing - but true! Any questions as to why I feel this blog is needed?

God help us. 

Again I thank those of you who have posted comments. Though I cannot see who you are - I am glad for your stories. Those of you who have not yet posted - the rest of us look forward to hearing your stories and/or your advice. Your comment does not have to be as dramatic as this one. There is no need to try to 'top this'. Maybe someone out there needs to hear it for the one hundredth time before he decides to overcome his fear and make a difference in his son's life. This blog is intended to make it easier for you men. 

Texas Salesman: "The closest I ever came to talking with my father about sex was after I was caught writing the 'F' word in school. They sent a note home and my dad sat down with me and asked: "Did you write this word?" I said 'yessir'. "Do you know what this means?" I said yessir. "Well, don't tell your mother." And that was it! That was the nearest thing to 'the talk' that I ever got.

Arizona Firefighter: "My dad left us when I was 12 - he didn't tell me anything... please start that blog."

Oklahoma Businessman: "Someone slid a book about reproduction under my door one night. To this day I have no idea if it was my mom or dad. We never spoke about it."

Your turn.

The "Grow The Heart of a Man" name

Okay Here's a test to see if a video post will work. So far it does not look like any of the video came through...
I'm trying to approach this blogging effort using as much technology as I can - to see what might work and what does not work. Let me know if short video postings are helpful or a waste of time. This one explains how I came up with the name for this blog and, God willing, the future website.

And Counting...

Amazing. So far... as of today NOT ONE MAN was given what he felt was adequate guidance regarding his passage into manhood. I can see the number of people reading this blog continues slowly growing which tells me there is interest out there. Surprise, surprise - right? Anytime you new readers want to post a comment - read the "how to" post and type away: 1) How did you learn about the facts of life? 2) How do you wish you would have learned? Simple.

What I see in most cases where a young boy was given a 'talking to'... first of all congratulations to you men who tried to bring up the subject - I'm sure it was more than you were given. But a 'talking to' is not enough. It was not enough in the fifties and it certainly is not enough in today's culture. For the sake of those men who are not online, you may not be aware that there are plenty of twisted, conflicting opinions flooding the internet, T.V., movies, and now cell phones (!) regarding sexuality. This is a train wreck waiting to happen and I want to get our boys to safety.

Our sons need to be better equipped than past generations. The 'talking to' needs to include a 'listening to' for all the new questions being stirred in their minds by the world. God willing, this blog will become a website with an area dedicated to the millions of questions we can expect from our sons - along with a few million possible answers.

The 'talk' MUST be about more than the mechanics of sex. We need to begin presenting more of the frame work as well. With my 12 year old son, the wording I use teaches something. I do not speak about a man and a woman 'having sex'. Yes, I let him know he will hear the world speak of it that way - but there is so much more to it than that. I told him there is so much more to this than the world knows and it happens when a husband and wife 'share the marital embrace'. I want to put this in context from the start so as he is confronted by the language of our culture - built into the foundation of his knowledge is the term: marital embrace... This sacred exchange is meant to be shared in the context of marriage. Anything outside that embrace - pornography, masturbation, or fornication... degrades the beauty of this gift and diminishes your manhood.

One of my goals here is to encourage you not to forsake your calling as a man, a husband, a father. I'm talking to you single men, too. Don't think for a minute that you are not in some way a husband-figure or a father-figure for someone in your life. I want you to be the man, too, and not ignore your responsibility.

Teen-aged boys who wander into this site - please do not be fooled by the absurd examples of so-called 'men' you see on television. Real life is much different than what most screen writers are feeding you.

Young ladies, I know some of you will find this site, too... so for you: A couple of days ago I heard this great truth from a young mother. She told some of the 14 year old girls she teaches: "Do you want to know one way to tell the difference between a boy and a man? A boy will want to have sex with you now - a man will wait until you are his wife."

You girls who feel pressured into sex with a boy or a man who does not have the heart of a man - I pass along to you a term that I hope will haunt you in a good way. Years ago I remember a man sharing his remorse with me over his abuse of women. He said that in earlier years when he was so sexually active with a number of women - for him it was nothing more than "Sport-F---ing". Remember that term, young ladies, and may it give you a blast of confidence when you boldly tell the little boy or the man with a boys heart, "Sorry 'sport' but you need to visit this website and look me up after you grow the heart of a man."

The so-called 'sexual revolution' is not bearing good fruit. Almost every man I ask says pretty much the same thing: "I wasn't told a thing." "I wasn't given any guidance in this area." "I wish I had been given some advice." "I wish I could have had some answers to my questions."

This blog is another type of revolution. Not a return to the silence of the past - but a return to the common sense and wisdom of the past fused with the technology of today. I feel hopeful.
MJP